


Two Sides Of A Coin

by ninibears_erigom



Series: Two Sides Of A Coin [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Arranged Marriage AU, Character Death, Death, EXO Angst, EXO Fluff, EXO Smut, F/M, Mafia AU, Miscarriage, Violence, contains trigger warnings, evil!chanyeol, exo kai smut, jongin smut, kai smut, mafia!jongin, mafia!sehun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-09 08:09:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 47,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14712353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninibears_erigom/pseuds/ninibears_erigom
Summary: Born into a powerful Mafia family, your destined to take over the family business with a promised future but one innocent decision nearly destroys your future. Will you survive the trails and tribulations of life and love?





	1. Chapter One

After many years spent together, after many heartbreaks, miscarriages and bad news, Do Kyungsoo and Do Yuri finally receive some news that would make their hearts swell and happiness blossom in a strained marriage.

You.

Their little miracle.

A precious little girl that they would call Do Y/N.  
  
It was decided before you were born, on who you were to marry. Not by fate or destiny or any divine intervention, but by your parents and the parents of Kim Jongin.

It was never a point of saying ‘ _you’re a girl, you can’t do this.’_  Your parents would never raise you in a way where you felt like you were inferior based on your sex. It was more the traditional sense, needing to secure the future of the family, making sure you would have a husband who could look after their precious child when both parents passed on and take care of the family business without someone trying to take it away from you.

The Kim’s are a very trusted family to your own, an alliance that has existed since both heads of family were children; both are loyal, family orientated and upheld honour and justice.

This for men born into the mafia life is a difficult thing to keep a hold of. When both men took over their family businesses, they kept the friendship strong by collaborating and promising the future union of their children to keep the families together.

It was never a problem that you were a girl or came a few years after their first born son. It was a blessing. The Kim’s already had two girls who were two years apart and when your parents struggled, Kim Junmyeon was the reason your father didn’t take up a mistress. Does your father not love your mother? He does, with every fibre in his body but he couldn’t keep watching the depressive state your mother fell into when she had her second miscarriage.

When Kim Yuna found out she was having a boy, there was a celebration. The girls were never promised to anyone and were raised so that they could make a choice of their own but their son, Kim Jongin, would take over the family business and be raised as a strong man who could protect his family. He may want for a life outside of the mafia but there was no choice for him, not like his older sisters; he would be raised with loyalty and honour infused into his very being so he would never stray from his future.

* * *

Two years later, Yuri fainted while at little Jongin’s birthday. Kyungsoo was distraught while she was taken to the hospital for, at the time, unknown causes. Junmyeon and Yuna Kim, with their three children, stayed at the hospital with your father until tests were finished and a result was given.

Your mother was pregnant with you.

* * *

When you were born, the only child that your parents would ever have, there was a celebration. Not because you were a girl. Not because you were basically royalty by reputation in your country. No, it was because your parents, who had been trying for many years, finally gave birth to a healthy, beautiful child. It was because you were a girl and basically royalty that the marriage was arranged with another family of equal status so that the legacy your father had built would succeed in some form of way.

It was a sight to behold, a large celebration to honour the birth of the child of the great Do Kyungsoo. Families from all over the country came to pay their respects while the Kim’s never left your parents’ side.

Little Jongin never left your side, always poking at your cheeks with chubby fingers and giggling at your reactions. Neither of you knew that you would be each other’s future; about the union that would take place before he took over the family business. Right here and now, little Jongin just adored the little baby that was suckling on your mother’s breast, the little baby who he promised he would always protect when you grabbed his index finger strongly in your tiny fist.

* * *

The first year of your life, Kim Jongin and his two sisters were inseparable from your household, so much so that whenever either father was away on business; Yuna would bring them over for sleepovers to sate the children’s constant nagging. They loved you like their own sister but Jongin loved you the most, an innocent love that only a child has.

* * *

“I’m going to always look after you, Y/N.” Jongin whispered to you one night. He had crawled out of his bed to sit by your crib while you were crying; soothing you by humming a tune his mother would sing whenever he cried. “You are always going to be safe because I’m going to grow up to be big and strong and look after you and my sisters.” He proudly puffed out his chest as he looked down at you, your wide green eyes looking up at him as your crying ceased.

“Jongin, darling.” Yuna called out as both mothers walked into the room. “What are you doing, son?” He smiled up as she reached him.

“I was humming to Y/N, Mummy. She was crying so I hummed the song you always sing to me when I cry and look,” his soft chocolate brown eyes sparkle as he looks at you, now cuddled into your mother’s arms, sucking your thumb. “She’s not crying anymore.” Yuri and Yuna look at each other as they chuckle softly, nodding to appease the young boy.

“Yes, you did, son. Come now, you need your sleep as much as Y/N.” His mother gently pats his head as they exit the room, Jongin stifling a yawn as he drags his small feet to his own room in your large house.

* * *

A few years past and the bond between Jongin and yourself grew. Your best friend, the older brother you always wanted, he was your  _oppa_  – a word that held so much innocence when you were four and he was six.

You would always be upset when he wasn’t coming over because he was a ‘ _big boy who needed to go to school._ ’ Your mother would always chuckle when you tried to tell her you were a big girl and not her baby, every time she called you such.

“I’m a big girl, Mummy!” You stomped your little feet as hard as you could when she called you to her one morning. You scrunched your nose and placed your hands on your hips in order to prove that you were not happy with being called her baby.

“Yes, my precious girl.” Your mother’s hazel eyes sparkled as she squatted in front of you, her black hair glistening in the morning sun that shone through the window and her soft hands caressed your chubby cheeks. “Does this  _big_  girl want to visit her Daddy?” You couldn’t help but smile brightly at the mention of your father.

“Yup!” You dramatically nodded your head so many times, you caused yourself to lose your balance and stumbled a little. “Will we see Nini, too?” Nini was your nickname for Jongin because when you couldn’t say his name properly, you would get frustrated so you settled for Nini.

“We will see.” Yuri smiled sadly as she stood up and held your hand as you skipped towards the car waiting out the front for you.

_“We will see.”_ That was always Yuri’s reply whenever you couldn’t see Jongin because it was a school day and he would always get the same reply from his own mother whenever he asked.

* * *

It was your fifth birthday and you were so excited, dressed up as a little princess with a crown and sparkly shoes, because you knew you were going to go to the same school as Jongin in a week.

“We’re going to go to the same school, Nini.” You still called him Nini, even though you could pronounce his name correctly and he always smiled brightly at you whenever you did so.

“Yup, but I’m older than you, Y/N so that means you have to call me ‘oppa’ at school and I have to protect you.” He bowed, his neatly-brushed brown hair falling into his eyes. It was a ‘fairy tale’ themed party and Jongin dressed up as your Prince Charming; his black suit and nicely polished shoes showed the presence of not only your make-believe Prince but also the Prince and heir to the family business.

He was already being trained to take over, from etiquette and manners to meeting his father’s men and being around guns. He never told you why the two of you spent time together on weekends only, that after school his training and lessons would begin because he felt the need to protect his little Y/N. A need that grew every day.

“Y/N!” Your father dressed in an outfit fit for a King – on your request – called out to you. Grabbing Jongin’s hand, you sprinted through the foyer of the house, towards your father’s voice.

“Daddy!” You stop and smiled up at the gentle face of Kyungsoo, even as he looked at your hands joined with Jongin’s. “Daddy, Nini’s here.” Your father couldn’t help but chuckle as he lifted you, breaking your grip, and rubbed his nose against yours.

“I see that, Princess but where are his parents?” Jongin looked behind him, confusion crept across his childish features as he searched for his family, who were behind him when he entered your home.

“Left behind in the whirlwind that is your daughter.” A gruff voice called as it came into view, greeting each other like the old friends they are, they turned to watch their children play with the other kids who came to celebrate your birthday. “Kyungsoo, you and your wife are doing an amazing job at raising my future daughter-in-law.” Junmyeon clapped a hand on Kyungsoo’s back as they sat down with their wives.

“Jongin is turning into a bright and strong young boy.” Kyungsoo returned the compliment, his heart tugged a little at the thought of walking his only child down the aisle.

Whenever they were surrounded by their families, Do Kyungsoo and Kim Junmyeon felt like they were ordinary men instead of men who held most of Asia in the palms of their hands. They never had to think of the hardship that could befall their family if they made the wrong choice or have to worry about how without their hard work, their families could be in grave danger; all they had to worry about were their children happily playing together.

* * *

You didn’t understand why time with Jongin grew shorter or why your father was away on business so much until you were ten.

Every lesson in your short years were carefully planned to push you onto the right path; push you to become the well-mannered young girl who had the innocent beauty of Yuri and the quick mind of Kyungsoo. Underneath all those lessons was a girl who was quite the opposite of what she showed in public affairs. You knew how important your father was, at the time you didn’t know why, but you knew that because you loved your parents so much, that you would behave the way you were taught.

They didn’t mind their little Y/N to be cheeky and scruffy whenever you got home. That you talked too loud and ran too much, they were always happy to see you full of life.

Until the day came where you had to learn about what your father did for a living, why the lessons were so well ingrained, where he went for those long business trips and why Jongin wasn’t around most of the time anymore.

To say you were surprised was an understatement, you were shocked – mouth hanging open and a furrow in your brow as you were introduced to your father’s men. They called you ‘Princess’ which you were, a mafia Princess.

“If I’m a Princess, does that mean Nini is a Prince?” Your father rested his hand on your head as he gazed down at you.

“Yes, my precious girl. He is.” Kyungsoo’s heart tugged as he saw the smile that spread across your face at his words. He could never tell you that you were promised to the boy you called ‘Nini’, your best friend – your Prince Charming.

* * *

Your teenage years were full of martial arts training, etiquette lessons, studies and many interactions with other mafia families outside of the Kim family and your own.

“You’re very beautiful, Y/N.” Byun Baekhyun, the eldest child of one of your father’s supporters, smiled brightly as he approached you at school.

You had not long celebrated your sixteenth birthday and because of this, your father was keeping a watchful eye on his growing daughter. Yuri and Yuna managed to keep the two families from announcing your engagement, begging their husbands to allow you both to keep your lives as normal as they could – to allow you to grow up, to live and love until Jongin’s 25th birthday.

Kyungsoo and Junmyeon reluctantly agreed to stop the glowering looks they constantly received from their wives.

“Thank you.” You blushed, covering your face with your loose light brown hair to hide the shy smile that spread across your lips. Little did you know, a senior, your ‘ _oppa_ ’ was watching the seemingly innocent interaction from his space against the wall while his friends called out to him.

“Can I walk you home after school today?” You pretended to think about it, tapping your bottom lip with your index finger while humming – missing the lustful spark in Baekhyun’s eyes.

“I’m sure that won’t be a problem.” You answered; not hearing the slight huff that exhaled through Jongin’s nose as he pushed off the wall and walked away.

You were nearly three years younger than him, he watched you grow from the chubby baby who always sucked her thumb while twirling her light brown hair in her fingers to a beautiful, young lady who filled out in all the right ways, whose delicate form had mastered many forms of martial arts and who, as innocent as you liked to play, was still oblivious to the hungry stares from many males who surrounded you.

He always swore to protect you, his love for you growing into denied desire as he refused to allow himself to feel that way about the girl he used to think of as his younger sister but, at eighteen, knew she was far more than that.

As you were walking home with Baekhyun, Jongin jogged up behind and grabbed your waist, causing you to jump and fling an arm in automatic response – which he easily dodged.

“Don’t let your guard down, Y/N. Easy to scare you when you do.” You poked your tongue out in defiance.

“Yah! It’s not like I expected  _someone_  to come and give me a fright while I was walking home.” You were suddenly placed in between the two males, both walking to your pace and brushing their knuckles against the back of your hands.

It stirred up strange feelings having such an innocent action happen. Jongin and you had held hands many times as children but when you both began high school, he abruptly said that was stuff for kids and refused you. It hurt, at first, but you quickly understood when Yuri explained that you were growing into a young woman and that boys will start feeling things that would lead to what her and your father had.

Sex.

Love.

Relationships.

Words that you swore you didn’t need. You played the sweet, innocent daughter of Do Kyungsoo whenever the need arose but little did his men know was that you were training to take over, every waking moment that wasn’t consumed with studies was focused on training. Little did you know that your father had a different plan for his daughter, one where she would stand as the wife of the head of the family instead of the boss.

Once on your front door, Jongin having left before you reached your driveway to go his own way home; Baekhyun smiled charmingly at you.

“I-I’ll see you tomorrow?” He cleared his throat to stop his voice from breaking and you gave him a half-smile as you nod.

“Of course, Baekhyun.” He nodded as he fidgeted with the front of his school jacket, somehow having lost his confidence in the short period of time to walk from the end of the driveway to your door. Your brow furrowed as you try to figure out what his issue was but instead of asking, you turned to open the door.

“Y/N…” His unusually quiet voice froze your hand before it reached the door knob. If there was anything in this world that Byun Baekhyun was not, it was quiet.

Turning around, your eyes widened in surprise as his soft, puckered lips collide with your frozen ones in a hasty first kiss. He pulled away and you couldn’t help but blink without saying a word.

“See ya.” He smiled before dashing down the stairs to escape as you try to process what just happened. Your first kiss.

Byun Baekhyun was your first kiss. Not Kim Jongin like you always thought as a child.

And your sweet, innocent heart didn’t know how to handle this revelation as it thumped against your ribcage, awakening something deep in your soul.

* * *

Graduation Day. Your last day as a student because you were going to work beside your mother, learning the financial side of the business while you continued your training. The day you couldn’t wait to end so you could begin the life you had been working towards ever since you knew it existed.

It wasn’t the money, it wasn’t the power and it wasn’t because you would hold the world in your hands. It was because since you were born, you were raised with loyalty, integrity, honour and, most of all, love. You wanted for nothing, you never dealt with hardship and you were always surrounded by a family who protected you and you wanted to make your parents proud of you, their only child, their Princess.

“Do Y/N!” Your name being called had pulled you out of your thoughts, standing up and walking towards the stage in your new dress that accentuated the green in your eyes and curves, and hair plaited neatly to fall over your right shoulder.

Accepting your certificate and bowing to the faculty, you made your way back to your table where your parents and the Kim’s sat. Jongin’s dazzling smile was all you could see when you finally reached your seat. His neat black suit hugged his muscular body as he twisted in his seat to face you.

“We’re so proud of you, Y/N.” The words left multiple lips as you dropped your face to avoid their gazes, a pink blush spreading on your face. Jongin smiled, placing an arm around your shoulders, giving you a kiss upon the forehead and a tight squeeze.

“Y/N.” A voice called disgruntled as they approached your table. Jongin’s arm was forcibly removed as you are pulled out of your seat and into the arms of Oh Sehun, your boyfriend. As he buried your head into his chest, Jongin and he locked eyes and you couldn’t see the sparks flying but from the growl that vibrated through Sehun’s chest, you knew there was some bad blood between the two males.

“My dear,” Yuri’s gentle voice quietened the tense atmosphere, “who is your friend?” You pulled away, a blush evident on your rosy cheeks as you bowed to the table and muttered your apologies.

“Mum, Dad, this is Oh Sehun. My boyfriend.” You observed the variety of expressions that were given from your announcement.

The eldest girls squealed and clapped in joy as they openly ogled Sehun.

The parents shared both worried and concerned glances which didn’t mean much to you at the time.

Jongin – looked ready to kill. It was a look he expressed often but one you never witnessed as these looks were normally given behind your giggling back as some suitor would vie for your affections. If you ever wondered why these suitors would quickly lose interest, it would be because a certain someone would threaten their life if they tried to touch you again; but because Jongin was no longer at school, he couldn’t stop the force that was Oh Sehun from winning you over.

“Pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard so much about all of you.” Sehun bowed and smiled his winning smile.

“Funny that, we haven’t heard anything about you.” Jongin didn’t keep the venom from his tone as he glared at the boy standing in front of him, whose arm was wrapped possessively around your waist.

“Nini!” You hissed, causing him to turn away and huff.

* * *

Two years has passed since that day and after moving away from home to live with Sehun, your contact with Jongin dwindled down to a text on a special occasion.

Birthdays, Christmas and the birth of your Godson. These are the only times you have seen or heard from Jongin over the last two years and something deep in your heart hurts every time you think about his loud laugh and gentle smile.

“I’m heading out, Y/N.” Sehun pulls you out of your memories as you place the photo album down and sigh, the photo from your graduation smiling up at you.

“What time will you be home?” You ask, your brow wrinkling as you think about how many times he’s gone out in the past week. No reasons as to why but he’s always disappearing at random times of the night.

“Don’t wait up, babe.” His eyes soften as he places a finger under your chin and tilting your lips towards his own. “I’ve just got an errand to run but it’s in the city so it’ll take a while to complete.” You nod; his new job as an accountant is in the city for one of the biggest financial firms, Park Finance, and Sehun is always going the extra mile to make a name for himself by taking on more work. Your old friend, Baekhyun, helped him get his foot in the door soon after you moved in with him.

“I love you.” You smile as he winks before closing the door behind him.

_Click._

A sound that changed your life forever is nothing more than a door closing.


	2. Chapter Two

Something didn’t feel right, you couldn’t figure out what or why but there is a pit growing in your stomach as the hours ticked by.

Rolling over to check your phone, the screen almost mocked your anxiety:  
 _No New Messages_

Where did Sehun go? You normally never questioned where he went or what he did; for nearly two years, he’s been nothing but attentive and caring. It did hurt that when there were family events that Jongin and Kyungsoo forbid you from bringing your boyfriend, to say it caused a rift between you and the men in your life isn’t an exaggeration. You’ve been keeping your distance from your family and the only person who has been around your home is Yuri, who always tries to sway your stubbornness with wise words.

Or tried.

_Ring Ring_

You quickly check your phone but checking the screen and seeing a face you aren’t expecting, you sigh.

“What do you want, Jongin?” You hear a sharp intake on the other end of the phone.

 _“Y/N, are you okay?”_  There is a slight urgency in Jongin’s voice and you can hear wind blowing past on the other end of the line.  _“Where are you?”_

“I’m in bed.” You answer shortly.

You still haven’t forgiven him for trying to force you to break up with Sehun; his see-through lies didn’t take long to crumble as he tried to convince you of Sehun’s infidelity. You stormed out of the house when he said  _‘Sehun’s cheating on you’_ , you didn’t do it with grace; screaming that you hated him and flipping him the bird as he called after you. You knew exactly where Sehun was until the past week.

But you were too proud to tell Jongin that.

 _“Y/N!”_  Jongin calling your name pulls you back to the present.  _“Get out of there now.”_ You hear the screeching of tires as Jongin takes a corner too fast.

“Why?”

_“GET. OUT-“_

The smashing of windows and sudden movement at the front door causes you to drop the phone, Jongin still yelling on the other end.

You instinctively roll out of the bed and crouch low on the floor while you strain your ears to hear what’s going on in your living room.

“Where is she?” The first voice is deep, unrecognisable but you know he’s asking about you.

“He said she would be asleep by now.” The next voice you know instantly, a voice that use to remind you of the sun shining.

Byun Baekhyun.

You feel your blood boil as you clench your fists and slide quietly under your bed, not thinking about hanging up the phone that is still on call while Jongin constantly calls your name. You try to work out what to do next. Your phone now lies out of reach and even though you don’t doubt your skills to defend yourself, you are unsure if you could take on two grown men who would have been trained harder. Baekhyun, maybe but the other man is an unknown force.

What did they want?

Watching the door open and a hand reach down to pick up the abandoned phone, you got an answer. Just not the one you were expecting.

“Kim Jongin.” The deep voice mocks the man, the man who is desperately trying to reach you. “You’re too late but we’ll make sure to take  _good_  care of her.” The laugh that leaves his lips are blood curdling, it causes the hair on the back of your neck to rise in effect.

“Y/N~” Baekhyun calls your voice sweetly, almost like he is calling out to his lover. “I know you’re here~” Before you can respond, a hand wraps around your ankle and you can’t help but scream helplessly as you’re dragged from under the bed.

Park Chanyeol.

That’s whose tightly gripping your ankles; you recognise him from the photos on Sehun’s phone.

“What do you want?” You grunt out the words as you try to kick yourself free.

“You were right, Baek. She is strong.” His deep voice chuckles as he easily holds your legs and tightly binds them. “Father should happily approve of you.” His words cause your blood to run cold and you spit in his direction.

“Sehun’s calling.” Baekhyun waves his phone for you to see clearly. “He must be ready.” The grins that gaze down at you as he answers the phone, causes you to believe in the word evil.

“Am I on speaker?” You hear your boyfriend’s voice gleefully speak.

“Yeah, Y/N is eager to hear what you have to say.” Chanyeol laughs as you struggle against your binds, causing the tight, rough rope to dig in and cut your wrists and ankles.

“Y/N, baby, are you there?”

“Sehun? What’s going on?” You can’t help the scared tone in your voice as you answer – of course you are scared, nothing could have prepared you for this.

“I decided to pay my sweet mother-in-law a visit.” A muffled cry is heard as he holds the phone to a woman’s mouth. The cry sounds strangely like your name. “You always told me to get to know your mother.” His laugh mocks the memory.

You had once told him such a thing; it was after her first visit. She defended your father’s disapproval of Sehun but also tried to convince you to keep trying for your relationship’s sake.

_“A relationship isn’t always going to be sunshine and rainbows, darling. But it is the hardship that strengthens the bond between a man and woman.”_

So you told Sehun to invite her over for a dinner he cooked and try to get to know her. He didn’t.

“Baekhyun, I want her to see this.” If Baekhyun had any hands free, he would be clapping as he turns the call into a video call and you have the phone shoved in front of your face. Your eyes widen in horror as you see what’s on the other side.

Sehun smirking as he slowly rotates the camera to show a woman with a gag in her mouth and mascara stained cheeks.

“MUMMY!” You scream and your body starts to shake as the reality of the situation sinks in. Sehun pulls the gag down to allow Yuri to speak.

“Y/N!” She calls back, tears no longer leaking from her eyes as she hardens herself for her daughter - to show strength in her final moments. “You need to be strong; we raised you to be strong. Trust the Kim’s my Princess. I love y-.”

The rest of her sentence is cut short by the click of a pistol and your screams.

You scream until your ears pop and your lungs struggle for air.

You cry until your eyes run dry.

You feel nothing. No love, no joy, no good memories.

Everything is erased by the blood, the way her body slumped and by the cold, evil smiles on the men’s faces.

What did they want? You find yourself questioning as you drift in and out of consciousness not processing anything going on around you. They happily made you watch the man you thought you loved kill your beloved mother in cold blood, filling your once carefree heart with nothing but rage and vengeance. What did they want?

They want a war.

A change in power.

A chance to destroy the most powerful families in Asia.

* * *

“Y/N.” A distressed voice calls as a wet object touches your forehead. “Please, answer me.” Something inside you wanted to answer, to put the sad voice out of its misery. It sounds too beautiful to be sad.

“Wh-” You try to speak but the sounds die in your hoarse throat. A cold glass is immediately brought to your lips and the voice tells you to drink, stroking your sweat drenched hair from your eyes – eyes that are too heavy to try and open.

“Everything is going to be alright.” The voice soothes as you drift back off to a revenge filled sleep.

* * *

The fire around you burns hot and bright as you hear the dying screams of your enemies; their skin burning as they crumple to the ground and you watch on with cold eyes. You will have your revenge; you swear it to her memory as you cold-heartedly line up the men who betrayed you.

_“Y/N.” The same sad voice from earlier calls your name even in the haze of your dreams._

You cannot hear the words that leave your moving lips as you raise your gun to press against Byun Baekhyun’s temple. His pleads fall on deaf ears as you pull back the hammer, finger comfortably sitting on the trigger.

_“Come back to me, Y/N.” The voice temporarily stills your movement, your head turning slightly in the direction of the echoing – even though it’s all in your head._

Someone places their lips upon your forehead and for a moment, you are unsure of what’s real and what’s a dream. There is no feeling in your hand as you hold the gun, now against thin air but the feeling of someone’s lips is real. Lips that as soft as silk and causes your heart to race without reason.

Suddenly flashes of memories break through the dark haze that clouds your mind.  _His_ smile.  _His_ laugh.  _His_ soft brown hair. The way  _his_  chocolate eyes crinkle as he smiles.  _His_  voice…

You feel your body spring up as one face flashes in front of your closed eyes.

Only to be in front of your open eyes.

Kim Jongin.

* * *

Jongin sighs in relief as you spring to life in front of his eyes; his hand never releases yours as he sits next to you on a hospital bed. A bed you have unknowingly been in for three days. Three days Jongin sat by your side, holding your hand and pulling at his now-abused bottom lip in frustration that he should have been there sooner.

Nobody could prepare the families for such an intense act of war; Do Kyungsoo had arrived home that same night to find his wife cold on the floor, her blood staining the Persian rug she laid upon. He screamed, cradling his wife in his arms – not caring about the blood on his suit – as he cried out her name. Kim Jongin arrived, just in time to rescue you from being kidnapped but not soon enough to prevent you from witnessing Yuri’s death and exhausting yourself to the point you shut down completely. When he arrived with two of his trusted men; Kim Minseok and Kim Jongdae, they managed to scare away the two men who were forcing your screaming body into the car.

How can he tell you the heart-breaking truth? Your father is preparing for war against the Park family and their allies; his father is joining him and this could potentially be the biggest blood bath in all of history and the reason behind it?

You.

A refused proposal spiralled Park Chanyeol into devising such a horrific plan, Jongin’s grip around your hand tightens as he remembers the cruel smile on his face as Chanyeol exited the area with a mocking bow. Oh Sehun was meant to be your distraction, a man who held your heart long enough until Park Chanyeol could swoop in and ‘steal’ you away but only with the permission of Do Kyungsoo would he be allowed your hand.

You didn’t know that that was the reason your father and best friend tried to pull you away from Sehun. Jongin should have told you the truth but he couldn’t stand the thought of watching your heart break; he wishes he did now, maybe then you wouldn’t be staring blankly at the ceiling without your usual sparkle.

Neither of you know that you are promised to each other. Jongin’s feelings have developed completely on their own while yours – you aren’t sure where your feelings are.

“Nini.” Your quiet voice pulls his attention to the present, to you. He leans forward in his chair as he squeezes your soft, pale hand. “I’m sorry.” A silent tear slides down the side of your face as you turn to face him.

“Y/N.” Despite the seriousness of the situation, Jongin lets out a soft chuckle and wipes the tear before it reaches your ear. He can’t believe  _you_ are apologising to  _him_. “You have nothing to apologise for.”

“I should have listened to you. I should have trusted you.” Yuri’s final words echo in your ears before the moment of her death causes you physical recoil from Jongin. You can’t hold back the tears as the memory lies so fresh in your heavy heart and you start to sob uncontrollably, faintly feeling the bed sink as Jongin moves to your side and wraps his arms around your shaking shoulders.

“I’m here, Y/N.” He whispers to you, you sob into his chest; his scent fills your nose every time you suck in a shallow breath to continue crying, your bodies mould together as you lie down on the small hospital bed and you wrap yourself around him, losing yourself in the reassurance of his words and comfort of his strong arms while you cry yourself back to sleep.

* * *

 _She’s so beautiful._ You think as you look down at her, her favourite floral dress hugs her curves and her wedding ring shines in the artificial lighting; her skin is a few shades paler than usual but that’s to be expected, the delicate make-up with her black hair styled around her shoulders brings out her natural mixed beauty and makes her look like she’s sleeping and will wake up any second.

But she won’t.

“It’s time to say goodbye, my Princess.” Kyungsoo looks several years older than his age, his face unshaven, his eyes empty and the wrinkles more prominent. Neither of your parents is older than fifty but your father is starting to look old and fragile with loose fitting clothes as he mourns the death of his beloved wife. But he doesn’t mourn her alone; you haven’t left his side since you were released from the hospital while Jongin hasn’t left yours.

“I can’t.” Your breathing hitches as you stroke Yuri’s hair, your bottom lip beginning to quiver as the tears you have held back all day threaten to fall. “Why did they have to take her away from me?” You know he cannot answer you, no-one but Park Chanyeol, Byun Baekhyun and Oh Sehun know the answer but you ask it anyway. “I miss her so much.” The tears fall and you silently thank Jongin for bringing you his sister’s waterproof mascara. An arm reaches around your waist and you allow yourself to be held – mostly because if you aren’t, you would collapse beside Yuri’s coffin.

The scent that surrounds you has become familiar, has become your biggest comfort over the past few days.

Kim Jongin.

Do Kyungsoo takes a second to watch Jongin comfort his daughter before pulling her into his own arms and shares her loss.

“I miss her too, my sweet Y/N.” He will not take this day away from you, to announce his plans and begin playing his hand. Today, he is not a Mafia Boss, a man of power instead he is a father consoling his daughter and mourning the loss of his love.

“I’m going to kill them.” You swear under your breath, the pain in your heart fuels the fire for vengeance.

“In time, Y/N.” Kyungsoo wishes he can somehow keep you away from the fighting but he knows his stubbornness was passed down to you and that you will find some way to be on the front lines. “But today we say our goodbyes.” He lets you go for short moment, pressing his lips against Yuri’s for the last time. “Goodbye, my Queen. Thank you for all the memories and love you gave me so selflessly.” Looking down at you, your father gives you a slight smile and Jongin a short nod before leaving your side to talk to other members of the family.

“Nini,” Jongin’s by your side the moment his nickname left your lips, “I don’t know how I’m going to do this alone.” Jongin wishes he can reach down and kiss you, tell you that you will  _always_  have him by your side but he resists the urge, not wanting to push your broken heart into something you may not want; so he opts for a reassuring hug.

“You won’t be alone, Y/N, you will always have me – and Kyungsoo.” He quickly adds. The smile you give him may be tear-stained and lost but he can’t stop his heart from fluttering as he knows it’s just for him. “I will do anything for you.” He whispers, unsure whether you can hear him.

You can.

And it gives you strength stronger than vengeance. You just don’t know what it’s called yet.

* * *

After the funeral, the wake begins and you consume more alcohol than you first intended. You can’t help yourself; the liquid courage coursing through your lightweight body makes you feel invincible especially because without it, you feel like an empty shell.

At the beginning, you sit with known family and friends chitchatting, reminiscing in the memories you all made with Do Yuri. You find yourself instinctively drawn to Kim Yuna, your mother’s best friend and a second mother to you. You both comfort each other with small, funny memories to honour your mother.

Every now and again, you excuse yourself from a conversation to look for your father who is constantly surrounded by Kim Junmyeon, who assures you he is looking after your father.

That is when you are offered your first glass of golden champagne.

During the formalities to everyone in attendance, you spy Jongin talking with some men you vaguely recognise but when you catch his eyes; he says his goodbyes to make his way to your side.

That is when you have your third glass.

You can feel the effects already as you make your way around the room, hugging and talking to different people while you down another couple of glasses in between. The fuzziness in your cheeks makes you giggle as you let go of all worries from the last week.

“You’re drunk.” A slightly disapproving Jongin wraps his arm around your waist as you slump into his side, using him as a way to stand up straight in your heels.

“ _Oppa,_ ” The way the word falls off your lips is suggestive as he leads you towards your father, “I’m not  _that_  drunk.” You giggle as you stumble a little and his grip tightens.

“Aish, Y/N.” Jongin hisses at you, keeping you close to his side as he moves swiftly through the crowd. “You need to keep your wits about you, don’t let your guard down.” You turn to retort but are cut short when you hear a sigh beside you.

“I see my daughter has a fondness for alcohol.” Kyungsoo clicks his tongue as he takes in your flushed cheeks and wobbly posture. He doesn’t miss the way Jongin is protectively holding you close but doesn’t mention anything; instead he rummages through his dress pants pockets for his keys. “Take my car, Jongin. Get her home safe.” But upon hearing the word home, your face contorts.

“Noooooooo.” You whine, biting your bottom lip to stop the tears from forming when you think about the two places you formally called home. “Don’t take me there; I don’t want to be reminded.” Neither male know which home you refer to but in all honesty, neither do you.

Both places hold too many memories for your drunken state to deal with. One will make you cry while the other will make you burn with anger.

“I’ll take her back to my place.” Jongin suggests, looking sideways to gauge your reaction. “She’ll be safe with me.” Kyungsoo nods his approval and you’re led towards the door but not before you swipe another glass of champagne from a waiter walking past.

The ride is short and you barely remember it as you step out of the car and stumble towards the front door. The house is modest, considering Jongin’s family and you giggle as you think about how it suits him. He has never been a man who wanted to show his wealth or power to others but he would always buy you anything you wanted, even when it was something as ridiculous as matching necklaces when you moved out of home.

 _“So we can always be together no matter where we go.”_ You had told him when he gave it to you, a necklace you never wore again after your fight with him but you always kept safe.

“I will get you something to change into and you can have a shower to sober yourself up.” Jongin blushes as he gazes at you and scurries out of the room, leaving you confused in the living room. You follow his trail until you find him in the master bedroom. “I’m sorry but this is the best I have.” He points to navy-blue dress shirt that looks too good to sleep in.

“Nini, that’s going to get ruined with make-up if I wear that to bed.” You giggle as his cheeks turn redder and he turns to continue rummaging through his drawers.

“I have this.” He holds up a worn black t-shirt that would sit just below your ass cheeks and you snatch it out of his hands before turning to walk into his ensuite, swaying your hips slightly more than usual.

It is wrong to think about him the way you are, not because he’s your best friend but because it’s the day of your mother’s funeral but you can’t help wanting the distraction. Wanting to taste his lips and feel his strong arms hold you close while he thrusts inside you. It’s been a thought that has crossed your mind one too many times in the past week, each time your heart races but you have been too defeated to analyse its deeper meaning but tonight, you can.

You want him. Your drunken mind tells you as the warm water hits your face and runs down your body and while drunk, you don’t have to think about its deeper meaning because it will be nothing more than a distraction.

Won’t it?

Of course not, you know better than that but right now, your impaired both by the alcohol in your veins and the loss of a person you love. Or persons.

You shake your head and push the thoughts of Sehun aside, refusing him to have any hold over your heart. You loved him and he betrayed you in the worse possible way. Jongin would never do that to you, do you love him? You don’t allow yourself to think that far as you confuse the butterflies in your stomach for the urge to vomit.

Turning off the water and dressing in nothing but Jongin’s tee and your panties, you make your way back to the bedroom where Jongin is waiting.

For you? You grin as you think of the distraction.

“You didn’t want to join me,  _oppa_?” You feign disappointment as you take in his change of clothes, wet hair and the smell of his body soap that lingers on his skin – and yours. “That shower is big enough for two people, you know.” You don’t need to force the grin on your face or the flirtatious tone - which surprises you for a split second.

“Y/N.” He shakes his head and sighs in exasperation. “Don’t be like that.” Jongin knows what you are trying to do; it was a defence mechanism of yours when you were hurt: distract yourself. As children, he would indulge you; whenever you scraped your knee or got told off for not behaving, Jongin would distract you with ice-cream and pulling faces to make you laugh but as you got older and your distractions became more intense, they were something Jongin couldn’t indulge.

Sehun could though, that’s how the relationship first came to be. He was the distraction from a life you were starting to buckle under. The trainings became harder and the nights of sleep grew shorter until you found yourself needing a distraction that you thought was outside of your upbringing – oh, how wrong you were.

You can’t help yourself, the intoxication and wild thoughts are causing you to lose sight of reason. You watch Jongin’s reaction as you crawl onto the bed, the hem of his tee revealing the curve of your cheeks and you place yourself behind him, trailing your fingers over the sculpted muscles in his bare arms. Goosebumps start to rise along the path your fingers leave and you smile at the reaction he has to your touch.

“Jongin.” You whisper his name in his ear and hear a sharp intake of breath. “I need a distraction.” You can’t help the plea that leaves your lips as you trail them along his hairline to the nape of his neck.

“Y/N, I can’t. It wouldn’t be right.” He replies with his voice and body shaking with self-restraint. He wishes he can give in and indulge you this one time but he knows you will regret it in the morning.

“Jongin.” The way you say his name makes him shiver with desire. Your hands move down his covered back and wrap around his front as you place a soft peck on the back of his neck.

He turns around quickly, forcing you to fall back and stare wide-eyed up at him. The person in front of you is your sweet Nini but also someone else, the desire that darkens his eyes reminds you that Kim Jongin is, indeed, a man.

“Y/N.” The way he growls your name vibrates your body, you smile innocently up at him. He never indulged you before, leaving you to find distractions in other men – in Sehun, but as he hovers over you, you feel both excited and disappointed.

You want him, ever since you knew what it meant to desire another, you wanted Jongin.

You are excited because you can finally have him but you’re also disappointed because this isn’t how you wanted it to happen.

Jongin senses your hesitation and smiles, his eyes reverting back to their soft chocolate brown colour as he rolls over and wraps you in his arms.

“Maybe next time, hmm?” He pulls the blankets over your bodies and you snuggle into the warmth that envelops you, your body suddenly exhausted from the mixture of events.

Right in that moment, while your mind slowly sobers up, you know what the fluttering and racing of your heart means – you love him. For how long, you have no idea but in this weak moment, lying in his arms, you admit to yourself that somewhere in your short life; you fell in love with Kim Jongin.

And he has always loved you.

* * *

You are woken up by Jongin’s phone ringing loudly. You groan and nudge the man lying next to you, slapping his arm to wake him up and answer his phone.

“Yeah?” His voice husky from having woken up, he rolls away from you and places his feet on the ground. “We’ll be there, father.” He looks back at you so you know that Junmyeon is requesting both your presence. Jongin hangs up the phone and runs his hands through his messy hair, looking strangely sexy while doing it.

“What is it, Nini?” You sit up and the blanket pools around your waist, showing your upper thigh and some of your panties. Jongin looks away shyly, a light pink flushing his cheeks as he stands up and moves towards his closet.

“Father has informed me of a meeting that is happening this morning and we need to be in attendance.” He lifts his shirt over his head and you glimpse the muscles that shape his back. “After the meeting, we will head over to your house and gather your things.” You would normally frown at being told what to do but at the mention of returning to a place that holds too many now painful memories, you are grateful he will be there with you.

“Okay,” you jump out of bed and gather your clothes from last night, “let’s go and make our parents proud.” You seem almost happy to be able to have a chance to be at your first official meeting, a meeting that will lead you on the path to revenge.

And that thought alone makes you feel alive.


	3. Chapter Three

“This attack against my family is retaliation for me declining the proposal the Park’s made a few years ago.” Your father begins the meeting by addressing the reason for the sudden act of war. It’s no secret that there is bad blood between the Do and the Park families, has been for decades, but there hasn’t been any activity towards one another until now.

When you hear the name Park, Chanyeol’s face pops into your mind; his naturally wide eyes hidden underneath his blood red hair, his evil smirk that wrinkles his nose as he watched you cry. You curl your hands into fists and dig your nails into the palms, cringing at the pain.

“What proposal?” You ask and all faces turn towards you. Kyungsoo and Junmyeon exchange a glance before your father answers.

“Before you graduated, the Park’s came with a proposal to combine the two families, our two families. When you turned twenty-one, you were meant to be engaged to Park Chanyeol so that he could take over as the head of the families.”

“But you refused?” You question. Your father has never pushed anything onto you but you know he wouldn’t let you marry outside of the lifestyle you live so you are unsure why he wouldn’t allow the union, especially if it would have resolved the feud.

“My dear, there is more history between the families than you know. The Park family is not a family we want to associate with, let alone someone I would marry my daughter off to.” He shoots Junmyeon a glance but you miss it, too busy trying to control your shaking.

“So they killed my mother because you refused to force me to marry someone I didn’t love?” The anger and hatred seeps into your voice. You didn’t think you could hate someone more than you already hate Sehun but Chanyeol suddenly passes him.

Sehun, who came into your life at such a pivotal moment in the final year of high school and nearly took you away from your family; unbeknownst to you, under the orders of the Park family. Sehun, who showed you nothing but affection and made you feel like you were the only woman for him; until he started hiding things from you.

Why did Sehun betray your trust and love? You can’t begin to fathom his reasons and his drive but right now, you don’t care. All you want is to put  _your_  gun to  _his_  head and pull the trigger.

Jongin senses your rage and moves from his father’s side to be by yours, causing whispers to rise through the men but both of you ignore them as you try to calm yourself while Jongin rubs your shoulders.

“You need to be strong, Y/N.” He whispers in your ear and you nod.

You cannot let your guard down, you always need to show restraint and control, don’t let the enemy see you’re weak and never let your men doubt your authority.

These were the lessons that caused you to buckle. These were the lessons that made you turn to Sehun for a distraction. A distraction that turned into a relationship and a relationship that, somehow, led to the death of your mother.

How could such an innocent decision turn into such a disaster? Of course, you don’t know the answer; that behind the scenes there are bigger plans in the work. You don’t know that right now, everyone is keeping secrets from you.

“We need to gather the heads of the families.” Junmyeon takes over from talking, handing a few papers out to some men. “We need to get our allies together so we can be prepared. We need as many resources as we do men, I hope that if we gather more men then the Park family will not attack on any front as they will be outnumbered.” Everyone nods in agreement including you. You know that your father doesn’t want to fight, that a bloodbath isn’t what he hopes for unlike Park Chanyeol, unlike you.

You want to go to war, you know the lessons and virtues are so ingrained that you will never stray but the thirst for revenge is stronger than the need to be patient. You need justice, Yuri deserves justice.

“Let’s go.” Jongin tugs on your bicep, his grip gentle as he leads you away from the talking. The men under your father have been given their orders, their preparations but nobody has told you what you are meant to do.

“I’m not staying on the side lines.” You hiss to Jongin as you walk out of the foyer of your parent’s house, where the meeting is being held. “I am  _not_  going to stand aside and watch someone else get justice for my mother.”

“I know.” Jongin sighs as he opens the passenger door to his blacked-out Mercedes. You slip inside and buckle in; readying yourself for the hour long trip to the place you once found comfort in. 

* * *

The house looks the same as the night your mother died. The front door window is broken but the glass is nowhere to be found, there are framed pictures lying broken on the shelves from where you tried to fight back and your cell phone lies broken by the foot of your bed.

“I asked Minseok and Jongdae to clean up while I rushed you to the hospital.” Jongin’s voice echoes in the quiet, empty house. His face hardens as he remembers that night; finding you tied up and screaming while Baekhyun tried to force you into the back of his car, Chanyeol smiling as he watched you struggle.

“I don’t remember much of that night.” You’re not lying, you remember watching Sehun’s face grin as your mother’s body hit the ground but you don’t remember what happened after that. You hope you managed to lay a hit or two in. “Can we please just get my stuff and leave?” Jongin nods and follows behind you as you make your way through the house, piling everything you want to take into a suitcase Jongin had put in the car this morning.

“Leaving so soon, baby?” A voice causes you to freeze; the hair on the back of your neck stands up as you slowly rotate your body in the direction of it. Your green eyes widen as you take in the man sitting in front of you.

Oh Sehun sits in the recliner in the corner of your shared bedroom, his black hair pushed back under a cap and a pair of thin framed glasses sits on the bridge of his nose. He smiles his most dazzling smile, a smile that always made your heart skip but now caused bile to rise in your mouth; he leans back as he watches your reaction, his favourite leather jacket remains open and shows his broad shoulders while his black ripped jeans hug his muscular legs. Both of you remain silent, you glaring while he smiles.

“Do you want me to pack your things from the bathroom, Y/N?” You hear Jongin call from the bathroom as he searches the cupboard, his face blushing as he spies certain items in the medicine cabinet.

“Yeah, Y/N, do you want your precious  _Nini_  to pack your things?” Sehun mocks, chuckling as he covers his mouth his hand. “I’m hurt that you rebounded so quickly. I thought we were in love.” Sehun places his hand over his heart as he feigns being hurt and your blood boils at the condescending grin that remains on his face.

“Jongin!” The way his name falls off your tongue is satisfying but you push the feeling aside as you focus on grabbing his attention. “Can you please come help me with this?” You can’t hide the slight shaking in your voice as you keep your eyes on Sehun, making sure he doesn’t move.

You hear the shuffling of feet as Jongin makes his way towards the master bedroom, the moment he sees the other male, his gun is drawn from his breast pocket and pointed directly at Sehun while he protectively pushes you behind him. Sehun seems amused by his reaction.

“Typical Kim pulling his gun on an unarmed man.” Sehun’s words hide an ulterior meaning and Jongin hesitates as they lock eyes, one full of amusement while the other is filled with resentment. “Did your father teach you that as well, Kim Jongin?” Sehun stands up and rotates, showing that he has no hidden weapons on his body.

“And what do you know of my family?” Jongin’s words are full of venom. You try to move around him but he remains firm in his position.

“Your father killed mine, maybe not intentionally but his blood is still on the Kim family hands.” Sehun’s smile turns into a scowl as he matches the glare on both your faces. “He was in the wrong place at the wrong time and happened to get in the middle of a scuffle between the Park men and your father’s men, a man who is meant to teach his men honour. Your father got rid of some enemies while I lost a father. Ha, where’s the honour in your men killing an innocent man?” Your heart would bleed if it wasn’t already harbouring hatred for Sehun.

“It was an accident! Did that give you the right to kill  _my_  mother in cold blood?” You yell from behind Jongin, still trying to push past him while he refuses to take his eyes off Sehun.

“She was just a means to an end. If Do Kyungsoo just let Chanyeol have you then she would still be alive,” Sehun grins a little while he looks at Jongin, “but it wasn’t just her father who declined the proposal, was it?” You freeze and look up at Jongin, who shakes his head to stop your questions.

“Why join the Park family?” Sehun shrugs.

“Better than being around the men who killed my father.” He says nonchalantly. “The enemy of my enemy is my friend, isn’t that how the saying goes?” You can’t believe the words that he is saying, acting as if you mean nothing.

“Did you ever love me?” For the first time, there is a flash of emotion in Sehun’s eyes but it is gone before you can decipher it. “Or was this all a part of the plan?”

“If you were anyone else Y/N, then maybe I could have loved you but at the end of the day, you were all part of the plan.” His words are an unexpected and harsh blow to your already broken heart, shattering it more.

Two years. Two years of memories that were full of lies and deceit when what you felt was genuine.

“You bastard!” You somehow manage to push past Jongin and with a closed fist; you connect with Sehun’s nose before he can react. “I gave you everything and you stand there and tell me  _I was part of the fucken plan_.” Your anger remains unchecked as you pull your arm back to lay another blow but this time, Sehun is expecting it.

“Y/N, if you weren’t so fucken stubborn maybe Yuri would still be alive.” Sehun chuckles as he tightens his hand around your wrist, the pain becoming unbearable. “They did everything to push us apart and instead of turning your back on them, you refused to give them up.”

Memories of fights between you and your family run through your mind, the harsh words about Sehun and your defence against them. The nights you would cry in Sehun’s arms as he told you that he was all you needed. The times you tried to get him and your family to get along but he always had an excuse to never try. These memories suddenly make sense as his words sink in. He was trying to get you to turn your back on your family.

“If it’s anyone’s fault for your mother’s death, it’s your own.” Sehun’s words are dark as he pushes you into Jongin, who wraps you safely in one arm. The sight of you in Jongin’s arms seems to amuse Sehun as he snorts. “Chanyeol was right; you’ll be the death of him.” With those final words, Sehun leaves without looking back.

* * *

“Did you know?” That’s the first thing you ask as soon as you place your luggage in the trunk of the vehicle. Jongin frowns as he closes it with a dull  _thud_ , trying to avoid the question as he moves to your side of the car and opens your door; like a gentleman. Normally you would be pleased with such a gesture but you can’t let him off so easily, even if he is your best friend. “Jongin, answer me.” Your tone is more pressing as you use his name instead of your usual nickname. “Did. You. Know?”

“Yes.” He sighs, answering only when you are both in the car and on the road. He knows that you would try to get physical if he said anything beforehand so he waited until you had no choice but to sit still and fume. “I was there when the proposal was made.”

“Why-” Your voice breaks with the intensity of surprise and rage you feel beginning to course through your veins; rage that seems to be growing with every passing day, an emotion that is starting to become a norm for you. “Why didn’t you fucken tell me?” You want to hit something, hit him, anything but you can’t do anything while you sit comfortably in Jongin’s flashy Mercedes and you absolutely hate it. The need to take out your frustrations is restricted by your current situation so all you can do is yell at him instead. So you do. “My mother could still be alive if you had told me! I could have saved her-”

“And watch you live a life in a loveless marriage? Do you really think Yuri would have wanted that?” You lurch forward as Jongin slams on the brakes, pulling over to the side of the road so he can look at you, his brown eyes burning with his own anger and regret. “Do you really think I wouldn’t have told you if I knew it would change anything? I know you would do it to bring peace, Y/N. That’s the kind of person you are but at what cost? I couldn’t lose you…” He looks away and inhales deeply through the nose. “We all would have lost you, even Yuri.”

Jongin did it to protect you, knowing you would never want to marry someone you didn’t love, let alone didn’t know.

“I did it to protect you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, Y/N.” Those words resonate through you and you look away, unable to find words to argue so you stare into space and focus on nothing but the vibration of the car travelling along the road.

Maybe it was seeing Sehun again and having to relive his betrayal, maybe it was learning that you never meant anything to the man you thought you loved, that had caused you to question Jongin. You never have before because you know that, deep down, he has always looked out for you; even when you make it difficult for him to do so.

“I’m sorry.” You say loud enough for him to hear, you know it’s wrong to take everything out on him even though he was wrong to hide something big like the proposal from you, none of these events were his fault. They were Sehun’s, Chanyeol’s and Baekhyun’s. Without thinking about it, Jongin wraps his larger hand around yours, squeezing tightly as a small smile spreads on his lips as he takes you back to his house, the place you may one day call home.

Because home is where the heart is.

* * *

When you arrive back at Jongin’s house, you search the home for a room to call your own.

“Can I have this one?” You stop at a doorway and cock your head to the side, plastering an innocent expression on your tired face. The room you choose is right across the hall from Jongin’s, door right in front of each other and if both are left open, you can see directly inside – to the bed, to be specific.

Jongin visibly swallows and bites his bottom lip, an action that oozes sexiness and makes your heart skip a beat.

“Are you sure?”

“Mhmm.” You smile and nod, almost skipping into the room while Jongin drags in the suitcase. “I know this may seem childish,” you look down to avoid his eyes, “but I’ve been having trouble sleeping – nightmares.” Jongin nods, his face softens as he watches you fidget with one of your sleeves; a habit you had since you were a little girl.

It’s the truth – partly. The other truth is that a part of you wants to be able to tease him, to sleep with the door open so he can watch you while he lies in his own bed, to carry on with last night, to feel his bare skin under your fingertips.

You blush as you begin unpacking and moving things around to your liking, the thoughts causing your heart to beat hard against your ribcage.

The house is warm, it is mid-afternoon and the sun filters in from the many windows in the house; giving everything a homely feel. Despite what just happened with Sehun and what can happen in the near future, you feel a slight lift in the heaviness of your heart; not a huge amount but enough to make you appreciate the beauty of the décor that Jongin chose for his home.

“I’m going to cook us something to eat.” Jongin turns to leave but an uncontrolled snort of laughter stops him from exiting the door.

“You? Cook?” Your shoulders shake slightly as you try to control yourself but self-control has never been your strong suit.

“When I left home, I had to adapt.” Jongin counters, puffing out his chest and looking a little proud of himself. He has never been the best cook, tending to burn everything – which you know from experience – but during your period of silence, Jongin learned how to cook a decent meal without burning it, himself or the kitchen.

“We shall see.” You tease as you continue unpacking, Jongin leaving you in peace.

* * *

“Y/N!” Jongin calls your name but you don’t reply. Instantly, he is worried, he places the plates on the table as he rushes upstairs towards your room; stopping only to retrieve his gun from drawer by where he hangs his jacket. “Y/N!” Not even breaking a sweat, Jongin stops by your door and prepares himself for the worse but as soon as he peers inside your quiet room, he releases the breath he didn’t realise he is holding.

You’re curled up on the bed, breathing deeply as you lie in the afternoon sun. The events of the day proving to be more than you can handle despite the brave façade you put on for the world. Jongin lowers his gun and places it on your vanity, slowly moving to your side and tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear.

_Ding! Ding!_

Your face twitches at the same time Jongin’s phone dings and he quickly moves away from you, careful not to wake you up.

**_[Unknown 1738]_ ** _I’m surprised to see Y/N bouncing back so quickly.  
 **[Unknown 1738]** It’s no surprise to see you by her side though._

Jongin grits his teeth as a photo pops up on his screen: it’s of Jongin opening the door for you back at your house.

**_[Jongin 1752]_ ** _I didn’t think you were the kind to hide in the background while others did your dirty work. How’s Sehun’s nose, Chanyeol?_

He knows that Chanyeol is enjoying this, probably chuckling to himself as he reads Jongin’s text.

 _Sick, twisted fuck._ Jongin feels years of anger boil up; the Park family has always been a thorn in the Kim family side. No matter what Junmyeon tried to do to keep the peace, the Park’s would find some screwed up way to start a war; all because they wanted more power.

This time they went far enough to ignite that fire. A fire that may possibly consume all of Seoul.

**_[Chanyeol 1755]_ ** _Y/N is quite beautiful when she’s angry. She would look angelic writhing in pleasure while she cums._   
**_[Jongin 1757]_ ** _I’m going to kill you myself.  
 **[Chanyeol 1800]** Let the best man win._

Jongin scoffs at the final text, throwing his phone across the hall and it lands safely on his own bed. He tries to keep himself in check.

You cannot let your guard down, you always need to show restraint and control, don’t let the enemy see you’re weak and never let your men doubt your authority.

He tries to remember the lessons he has known ever since he was five, trying not to let Chanyeol get under his skin.

_“Chanyeol was right; you’ll be the death of him.”_

Sehun’s words cross through the cloud of red. Chanyeol already knows his weakness: you. Jongin knows it isn’t wise to make it so obvious, even if it’s to everyone but you, yet he can’t help himself because when it comes to you; he would throw his life on the line to protect you.

Hearing a strained groan and feeling the bed dip beside you, you slowly open your heavy lids to see a frustrated Jongin running his hands through his hair while he chews his bottom lip, the hair falling back into place messily. You manage to stop him from noticing that you’re awake as you watch the setting sun play on his naturally tan skin, and in that moment you know, as conflicted you are about where life will take you, who you can trust and how deep your feelings truly are, you know; if loving Sehun had brought you darkness then loving Jongin will bring you the light.

They are, in their own strange fated way, two sides of the same coin.


	4. Chapter Four

You wake up in the middle of the night, screaming and within the minute, Jongin is by your side. You feel a cold sweat drip down your neck as you are pulled into his bare chest and he strokes your hair while whispering words of comfort.

“Ssshh, it’s okay, Y/N. I’m here, I’m right here.” You cling to him as he pulls the blankets over him and adjusts himself in your bed, resting his head against the headboard while you lie with your face pressed into his warm torso. You can feel his heartbeat against your cheek as you try to stifle the sobs that continue to shake your body.

Jongin lies in your bed with you, not saying anything while you begin to relax into his gentle embrace. You can feel how his heart beats a little faster when you try to find a more comfortable way to wrap around him; this small detail amuses you, deepening the feelings that have begun to blossom in your heart and washes away some of the stiffness caused by the nightmare.

Love.

A love that differs from the one you once felt for Sehun, not so long ago; but even so, you are absolutely terrified to let yourself feel it completely, to let the butterflies flutter freely, let alone say those three words aloud. Sure, place a gun against your forehead with the intention to pull the trigger and you wouldn’t blink an eye, years of training and conditioning prepared you for that and taught you not to show fear in the face of danger but love? Nothing in your life could have prepared you for the delicate matters of the heart.

But with that loving warmth spreading through your body, the resting heartbeat and slight, gentle snoring coming from Jongin, you can’t help but fall into a deep, nightmare-free sleep.

* * *

The days pass slowly with no word from Chanyeol or Sehun; the front looking like the calm before the storm and you hate to admit it to yourself but your thirst for revenge has simmered down in the quiet while you laze around the house with Jongin, occasionally going to visit your father or heading in for briefings.

“What shall we do today?” You pull one of Jongin’s ‘home’ sweaters out from his constantly raided closet and over your head; it rests below your ass and nearly covers the mid-thigh cotton shorts you are wearing. He calls his sweats and such ‘home clothes’ as they vary from the suits he has to wear whenever he leaves for meetings or most public outings. He always has to represent the future of the family whenever he left the threshold of his home.

You don’t understand the feeling, despite your status and capability; you know you will never be the official head of your family. That one day, Kyungsoo will find a suitable husband for you to marry and you will be his rock while he leads your father’s men while the Do family name changes to something else. The thought of marrying someone else makes a sickening pit grow in your stomach. Ever since your feelings for Jongin developed beyond friendship, you can’t bear the thought of being with another man; even if your feelings are unspoken and hidden behind longing stares and lingering touches.

It’s been three days since you moved in and took over Jongin’s house, his once modest and quiet home is now filled with vibrant colours and laughter; a sound that Jongin hasn’t heard from you for months, a sound you haven’t made since the week before Sehun’s betrayal but it felt like a lifetime ago. Never once has Jongin complained about your presence, in fact, he welcomed it; something about having you near, even if it is in another room, makes his heart swell and a goofy grin spread on his lips.

“Can I take you somewhere?” You raise your eyebrows at his suggestion, a pink hue colours his tan cheekbones as he coughs and scratches the back of his neck. “You’ve been restricted to my house, your father’s or the office; apart from the two trips to the grocery store. I thought maybe you would like to go somewhere… normal.” You skip up next to him and playfully poke his chest.

You need somewhere normal. You welcome somewhere normal. Somewhere, anywhere, outside of the life you live.

“Are you asking me out on a date, Kim Jongin?” You can’t help the flirtatious tone as your wiggle your eyebrows at him. His heart skips as you smile at him, a man raised to head one of the most notorious mafia families, strong in the face of danger and he’s melting in a puddle like a hormonal, teenage boy in high school instead of a 23-year-old gangster.

“Well, if that’s what you want to call it, Do Y/N.” Jongin shrugs his shoulders and replies nonchalantly as you nod and go to collect your items from your vanity across the hall.

“Oh,” you pause in the doorway and look back at him, “should I change?” Jongin smiles as he shakes his head, pointing out his own attire: a pair of grey sweatpants, no socks and a plain white singlet. Despite looking so casual, you know that what he’s wearing will cause any girl to turn her head; he looks like a model out of a magazine no matter what he wears.

“You look beautiful as you are.” The effortless way he compliments you causes your cheeks to flush red as you dash from the room, half in effort to calm your rising pulse and the other to get your handbag and purse. Over the years, he’s told you that you look beautiful but this time is different. You always took his compliments as a best friend but today you took it as a man complimenting a woman.

And Kim Jongin is very much so, a man.

* * *

“You are  _not_  buying this for me!” You pout and push Jongin away from the counter as you fight over the EFTPOS machine.

“Y/N, stop being such a child!” Jongin lifts you up easily, which causes you to squeal, as he twirls you around and places you behind him, allowing himself to swipe his card while keeping you at bay with his hips.

“Me?” You’re shocked at his choice of words. “You call me a child when you still refuse to wear socks at 23!” He turns around and gives you a displeased frown before turning back and retrieving the culprit item from the cashier; who is trying his hardest not to laugh at the show you two are giving him.

“I don’t like the uncomfortable feeling they give me. It’s like my poor feet are suffocating.” He hisses, lowering his voice as he tries to avoid more of a scene in the technology shop as you both rush for the exit. “Here.” Once outside, he places the box in your hands and you pout as you look up at him.

“I could have bought this myself.” He nods, knowing full well you could have but he wanted to, regardless.

“I didn’t see you for your birthday this year and you got me something for mine, so Happy Belated Birthday, Y/N.” You screw your face up as you try to think of a reply but sigh, defeated.

“Fine.” Jongin’s annoyed features are quickly replaced by his goofy grin as he wraps his arm around your shoulder and you begin to head towards the next destination. “But did it really have to be an iPhone 7, like do I really need something so expensive?”

“I wanted us to have matching phones.” He mumbles shyly and you giggle at his pouty expression, gently nudging his side which causes him to look down at you.

“Thank you, Nini.” He lets out a content sigh at his nickname and absentmindedly kisses your forehead. The feeling of his lips against your skin and his arm hanging loosely around your shoulders causes that same, reoccurring warmth to spread through your heart and warms your soul.

You don’t notice that Jongin’s pace has quickened, you don’t notice how his posture has straightened and tensed, you don’t notice how you cross the road twice and you definitely don’t notice the two men suspiciously following a few paces behind you.

Jongin whirls you around a corner and pushes you up against the wall, placing both hand on either side of your head and trapping you between the wall and his body. The feeling of his breathe against your neck causes shivers to run down your spine and you try your hardest not to let on how fast your heart is beating now, but you are sure he can feel it as his body is pressed flush against yours.

“Nini,” you kick yourself at how breathy your voice is, “we are meant to be going to get our chicken-” His large, tan hand comes up and covers your mouth as his lips move up and graze the outer shell of your right ear. You manage to suppress a moan as his breathe warms and tickles that side of your face.

“Y/N, we’re being followed.” His voice is husky as he forces himself to whisper – trying to keep his own heart in check –  and your body immediately tenses, reminding you that today, like the past few days, were nothing more than a distraction from reality; a life or death situation you are now living in. “How did you not notice them?” He questions, you slightly shrug your shoulders; trying not to give away your cover.

How did you not notice them? Was having Jongin nearby causing your judgement and senses to cloud over? No, you refuse to allow yourself to blame him for  _you_  not picking up on the signs. It was  _your_  craving for a distraction that caused  _you_  to ignore what was happening around you, just like with Sehun. You should have trusted your instincts back then but you also longed for a life outside of this world, where you could love and trust without having to analyse your allies or lover’s intentions, like with Jongin.

You allowed yourself to lose reality in the fantasy that you were living in at Jongin’s house, the normalcy you haven’t felt since long before Sehun killed your mother. But the reality is, you’re Do Y/N and Park Chanyeol is out to either destroy you or force you into marrying him.

“They’re gone.” Jongin pulls away and runs a hand through his soft brown locks as he lets out a shaky breath. “Fuck, I didn’t bring my gun, I didn’t think I would need it. Fuck.” His fist shots out and hits the wall next to him, he’s beating himself up over losing his mind in the fantasy that you both were living in. He rests his head against the back of his fist. “Y/N, I’m sorry but we have to go. We’re vulnerable here and I’m not getting into a fight with civilians nearby.” His tone is blunt and cold and he doesn’t turn to face you as he walks off back in the direction of the car, while you stand there in shock for a few seconds before you chase after him.

“Nini?” You try to reach for his arm but his posture causes you to drop your hand before you can touch him. “Talk to me, please.” He refuses to look down at you as he chews his plush bottom lip. His silence annoys you and soon it becomes so suffocating that you snap. As soon as you reach the spot where the car is parked, you grab his wrist and force him to look at you; your brows knitted together in frustration, lips pursed together tightly and your free hand placed on your hip as you rest your weight on one leg. “Kim Jongin, you better say something right now before I become the person you’re going to fight.” Your threat is half-hearted as you let go of his wrist and prod him in the middle of his toned pecs, you are lashing out over his sudden silence; apart from the fight you two had over Sehun, he has never been silent or ignored you. Jongin scoffs and shakes his head before pulling his keys out of his pocket and unlocking the car, still moving to the passenger side to open it for you.

“You know you could never beat me in a fair fight, Y/N. I’m bigger and stronger than you, I always have been.” The words hold no insult in them but they still sting your ego. It is true but having it pointed out hurts more than you care to admit. “I just-” He trails off, looking around him before hanging his head in defeat. “I forgot we are in the middle of a war and that’s not something I do. I don’t forget these things, Y/N and because I did – something could have happened to you.” He closes the door before you reply and even when he gets in the car and you leave the parking lot, the conversation hangs in the air unfinished.

He is angry at himself, just like you. He forgot the reality of why you’re with him, just like you. Just like you, he forgets what and who he is because in your presence, he’s just Kim Jongin, a man who is in love with his best friend.

* * *

As soon as you enter his home, Jongin heads upstairs, phone pressed to his ear as he hurries towards his room. You huff, puffing out your cheeks as you let out a slow, exaggerated breathe; he’s going to tell Kyungsoo and it’s going to burst the small bubble of happiness you have.

Stomping your feet like a child and going up the stairs yourself; you can’t help but overhear the conversation Jongin is having as you walk into your room. You don’t notice Jongin watching every movement you make.

“Yes, I’m sure they were following us. There were two. I know I should have been more careful. I’m sorry, Father. I know, we’re okay, they didn’t make contact. I’m positive they were Park Chanyeol’s. Okay, I’ll let her know.” You try to look innocent, acting as if you didn’t hear a word as you absently set up your new phone while it sits on the charger; but he knows you too well to be fooled, yet he lets you think you’re clever. “Y/N.”

“Yes, Nini?” You look up, eyebrows raised slightly, pretending to not know what he’s about to say.

“We are to head over to the office; my father is calling a meeting.” He doesn’t elaborate on what the meeting is about; instead he walks back to his own room. His strange, quiet behaviour concerns you but you push the wariness aside as you change into a black pantsuit, braiding your hair so it hangs over your left shoulder and apply subtle make-up. You open the black jewellery box on the vanity and retrieve the item that resides within.

Jongin is waiting for you downstairs and you let out a low whistle as you take in his choice of style; one that is similar to your own. Shiny, leather shoes, black dress pants, a white dress shirt with the top two buttons undone – showing that he is wearing the simple gold necklace, with a gold plate that has your birthday in roman numerals, that matches your own, a black suit jacket, his Rolex watch on his wrist and a simple silver ring on his right middle finger; his hair is slicked back out his eyes and you can tell he’s packing. If anyone didn’t know any better, they would think you’re a couple.

“You’re wearing your necklace?” The words are softer than his appearance as his eyes fall to your open neckline; the simple gold plate – that has Jongin’s birthday on it – glints softly as it catches the light. You blush as his eyes fall lower to the beginning of your cleavage before they quickly meet your eyes.

“So are you.” You smile when his expression softens. You know that, like you, Jongin has to put on a mask when he goes to meetings at the office because he’s the future of his family and his persona needs to be strong, fearless and cold; nothing like the Nini that is soft, sweet and caring. It makes him happy knowing that he can be himself with you, no matter where you are or who’s around. You are the one constant in his life, no matter what persona he adopts; Jongin knows that you would smile at him the same way.

You both have roles to play; you both need to wear a façade whenever you went to the office or at events that concerned the family, just like your parents. You grew up watching the ever changing masks when in public and in private so it became second nature to you; a different face for a different day. It isn’t exactly exhausting as it is depressing, no-one ever seeing the real you – until now.

* * *

It’s quiet on the ride to the office, rain and thunder being the only noise as it drowns out the slow classical number that is playing on the radio; giving the atmosphere a foreboding feel. You stare out the foggy window as you anticipate what could potentially happen this afternoon. The Park family made their move, what that move is  _exactly_  eludes you but as you glance over at Jongin – knuckles white as he death grips the steering wheel – you know he knows something but isn’t telling you.

“Why?” Your quiet voice startles him slightly as he quickly glances in your direction before focusing back on the wet road, wipers swishing furiously as he carefully manages his way through traffic.

“Why, what?” He replies, concentration clear on his face.

“Why are you hiding things from me?” He sucks in his breath through his teeth and you can see his sharp jawline tense, not wanting to answer that question. “You never hide anything from me.”

“You don’t want to know, Y/N.” His tone pleads for you to drop it but you can’t, you’re too stubborn to let things go even if the person asking is him.

“Does it have to do with Park Chanyeol?” He nods.

“I want to know.” Jongin sighs, he should have expected you to want to know; he just didn’t want to tell you. “Please, Nini.” You look over at him with a slight pout on your lips and puppy dog eyes that have always worked without fail.

“Fuck sakes.” He curses under his breath as he caves. “It was a threat. Chanyeol sent a threat to our fathers before we were followed. He said that if he can’t have you then he’ll kill us both, that no matter how hard we try to hide you, he will follow you until he has you. If I keep getting in the way, he’ll have me taken out and if you refuse to marry him – if he can’t  _force_ you to marry him, he’ll have Sehun kill you like he killed your mother. Us being followed was him showing his hand, showing that he means what he says.” You click your neck and your nostrils flare as you try to reign in your anger. You knew that Chanyeol is either trying to marry or kill you, it is almost like a twisted game of fuck, kill or marry except his only choice is you; it is hearing him  _threaten_ this particular death two weeks after killing your mother is what fuels your hatred for him even more.

“I guess Sehun will have to kill me then,” Jongin frowns as the words leave your mouth, “if I don’t kill him first.” A sly smile crosses your features as you think about all the ways you’ll make Sehun regret for breaking your heart and killing your mother.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

* * *

“What?!” The words leave both your and Jongin’s mouth at the exact same time. The men around you seem to be closing in, congratulating you on your engagement.

Your engagement to Kim Jongin.

You’re not disappointed, in fact, given any other circumstance and your current feelings for the man, you would have been over the moon but instead you’re in the middle of a war with the Park family and your fathers decide it’s the best time to announce this.

“He has made himself clear on what he wants, he either wants to marry you for the family’s power or he wants to try take over by force and like fuck am I allowing my only daughter to marry a Park.” You have never seen Kyungsoo so determined; he’s never had to deal with this in his nearly fifty years.

“So you just want to put me up like a sacrificial lamb for slaughter?” You spat, not caring that you are in a room full with armed men, not caring that your composure is crumbling as you glare to the other end of the table at the man you call Father. “Is that why you turned down the proposal?” You feel Jongin’s hand on your shoulder, trying to calm your rising storm but you slap him away.

Why wasn’t he angry? Why wasn’t he yelling at your father, also? You know why, it would be disrespectful to do so and he would be overstepping a boundary but not you – you’re his daughter and right now, you don’t care about what’s considered respectful.

“Y/N, there are many reasons as to why I turned it down.” Your father refuses to let you goad him into fighting with you, he knows you too well, and he raised you; his little girl with the stubbornness and fire of her father.

“How long has this engagement been decided?” Both heads of the family look at each other. “Was it before or after Oh Sehun killed Mother?” The men who surround the table start to back away from you as they can feel your aura burn and they have seen you in action; none of them are willing to be used as your punching bag.

“Before.” Kyungsoo replies calmly, his calm only fuels your anger.

“Before? How long before?” A deep, questioning voice pipes up next to you. You spare a quick glance at Jongin, who wears an expression similar to your own: pure outrage. His handsome, sharp features are contorted and darker than normal.

“Since before either of you were born.” Junmyeon steps in to help out his friend against their furious children. “Kyungsoo and I have been friends since we were children and it seemed appropriate to further the friendship by combining the two families, with the marriage of our children.” You scoff and walk up to your father, your heels clicking around the deathly quiet room. His once soft, fatherly features are now tired from long nights of planning but in this moment you don’t care.

“You sealed Mother’s fate, you allowed her to be killed, this is all your fault.” Your words sting both your father’s and your own heart. You know, deep down, that he could never have prepared for this; he loved her and lost her also and it pains you to say it but you needed some way to let out your frustrations and children often say things they don’t mean.

You storm out of the room and head for the car, hearing your father begin briefing the men on the plan of attack shortly after you leave; stating how the engagement will throw the Park family off because he will now have to try and kill you and Jongin but they will be prepared to fight to the last man.

“Y/N!” Jongin rushes to your side, his hair slightly dishevelled from constantly running his hands through it. “What are you going to do?” You shrug, unsure of what you are planning exactly.

“I don’t know. End this? Find Chanyeol and kill him myself?” You laugh maniacally, trying to dispel the tears forming in your green orbs. “You know I’ve pictured him dying thousands of ways but I think putting him down like a dog would be poetic.” The laughter becomes more forced as tears begin to fall.

“You don’t know where to look, Y/N. We have no idea where he’s hiding.” Jongin pulls you into his arms as you sob from the mixture of frustration and anger you feel. The feelings directed at your father for not telling you sooner about the engagement – you would never have met Sehun, if you knew. At yourself for saying such hurtful things to your father – too stubborn to take them back right now. At Park Chanyeol for putting your naturally soft heart through this pain – making you blood thirsty and wanting to get your hands dirty.

You want to turn back time and change everything but you can’t. So you have to make sure you survive this. To be strong like your mother, the most strong and fierce woman you ever knew and you were her daughter. If you had your father’s stubbornness and fire then you had her strength and ferocity.

“Just take me home then.” You sigh, defeated. As much as you wish you could jump in the car and go after Chanyeol yourself, you have no clue where to begin, as Jongin pointed out.

“Home?” A small, shy smile lifts his plump lips as he repeats the word to you.

“Yes, Nini, home. I can’t stay here and be around this place any longer otherwise I’m going to go back in there to yell at my father some more and potentially embarrass the family name further, plus if we are to be married I may as well call it that so please, take me home.” Jongin gleefully opens your car door and you thank him as soon as he speeds off towards your new home, momentarily forgetting what happened earlier.

* * *

After a hot shower that flushes your soft skin red, you walk out of the bathroom and towards your room while you dry your hair, a towel wrapped securely around you.

“Kyungsoo has been calling my phone non-stop. What am I meant to say to him?” Jongin pops his head into your room but quickly averts his gaze as he tries to avoid watching the water drip down your neck and under the towel.

“Tell him that I don’t want to talk to him.” You say a little too bluntly, you forgot to tell your father about the new phone but right now, you are too cross with him to care that he’s constantly harassing your best friend – your future husband. You turn your back to Jongin as you look around for the shirt that you haphazardly threw on the floor this morning – the same shirt that Jongin gave you the first night you stayed. You like wearing it when you know you don’t have to leave the house; along with other items of Jongin’s clothing that you have been waltzing into his room to grab, with him watching.

“Y/N, you have to talk to him at some stage if we are going to find out where Chanyeol is hiding, we may also need the manpower.” Jongin speaks softly, slowly making his way towards you; biting his bottom lip as he fights his desire for you.

“It’s going to take some time for me to forgive him…” You start to say but your voice fails when you feel Jongin’s body heat against the showing skin of your back, your heart beats wildly in your chest, bruising your poor ribcage, as you feel the soft material of his white dress shirt and you suddenly imagine what it would feel like on your skin.

“You don’t have to forgive him to talk to him, Y/N.” Jongin whispers in your ear, his hands hardly touch you as they trail from your wrists to your shoulders. The way he says your name causes you to shiver as you imagine the look on his face. The desire, love and longing you have seen many times since you moved in.

“Jongin-” He doesn’t hear what you’re about to say because the words don’t form as he twirls you around and presses his soft lips against yours. It takes a few seconds to process what’s happening but your body is already reciprocating the kiss before your mind catches up. A kiss that tastes like whiskey and mint as your tongues fight for dominance.

His hand moves to the tight space between your chests as he expertly loosens the towel and it drops to the floor. You can feel your face heat up as he breaks the kiss to take a look at the slightly wet body in front of him, licking his plump lips.

You strike up the courage to do something that has been playing on your mind for days now, your hands move over the buttons of the white dress shirt he’s wearing and swiftly open them, the bare chest and taut, defined muscles that have been plaguing your thoughts are now in front of you – all yours to touch.

Jongin takes in your expression as he rids himself of the shirt, shrugging out of it and allowing it to drop to the floor with your towel; you can’t stop your eyes from running over him, you have seen it before but this time feels different as if you see him in a different light, instead of the lust filled fantasy that you produce when he wakes up in the morning across the hall from you or beside you after you’ve cried yourself to sleep on him.

“Y/N.” Hearing your name snaps you out of the trance his body has over you and you lift your eyes to meet his. Jongin’s eyes are darkened with desire and your breath hitches in your throat as he takes one of your shaking hands in his and moves you towards the bed. You scoot back as soon as your knees hit the edge and rest your head on the pillows, looking up at Jongin with wide eyes as your heart beats faster, anticipation growing as a tightening begins in your abdomen.

“Jongin, I-” You don’t know what you’re going to say but it doesn’t matter as he lowers himself enough to press his lips against yours again. You take his bottom lip between your teeth and gently bite, causing a low growl to vibrate through his chest.

His hands start to move, caressing every inch of skin they touch and fuelling the heat that is beginning to take root deep inside you. Jongin’s lips move from your lips to your jawline as he nips his way down to your neck.

“Are you still ticklish here?” Your brow wrinkles in confusion as he moves to the right side of your neck, just below and behind your ear. You’re about to ask why he wants to know but he answers his question by kissing the spot before he begins to suck, his tongue darting out to savour the taste of your skin and you moan, loudly. The spot that used make you giggle every time Jongin tickled you as children is now making you moan erotically under his expert mouth.

You hear him chuckle and kiss the spot again before pulling back to admire the dark purple mark he’s placed in a very obvious position on your neck, you roll your eyes at how proud he looks with himself.

Jongin brings his head down again, but this time its lower – your breasts. A sigh slips through your lips as his breath fans across your already erect nipples and your back arches slightly at the feeling. Once he latches himself to your right breast, his left hand moves up your side to fondle and knead the neglected breast, you run your fingers through his brown hair, marvelling in how soft it feels slipping through your fingers, relishing in the feel of his mouth on your skin and eliciting a moan from Jongin as your gently scrap his scalp with your nails.

He kisses his way down to your navel before pausing, your chest is rising and falling fast, he can see it from his position between your legs and your eyes are wide, the green irises nearly overtaken by your dilated pupils as you watch him expectantly. Jongin can’t help the smirk on his face as he realises he has you eating out of the palm of his hand, waiting with sweet anticipation for his next move.

You need to feel him, he needs to feel you. The sexual tension that has been building between you two and the events from the past are now left forgotten as you give yourself to him – in a way he’s only ever dreamed of.

You watch as the muscles in his arms flex, his shoulder blades protrude faintly as he moves you into a more desired position – a position where he can gain easier access to your heated core. His tongue darts out, licking a line up to your clit which he suckles on before focusing back on your folds.

Removing his hands from your thighs, he opens you up to him and you blush deeply. You’re not embarrassed by sex but having Jongin look so damn sexy between your legs and licking his lips every time he dips his tongue in for a taste, makes the blood rush to your face – and every other part of your body.

“You taste delicious.” His voice is huskier and deeper than usual as he greedily pushes his tongue inside your walls, as if you are the forbidden fruit and he can’t get enough. His thumb rubs circles around your sensitive nub, face still buried deep and the sensation causes your hips to buck.

“Fuck…” You firmly take his hair in your hair and allow your hips to rotate as your arousal builds, moans and pants leaving your lips as you watch Jongin pleasure you.

Before you can reach your climax, Jongin pulls away and smiles down at you while you pout. He licks his lips and wipes his hand down his mouth, pinching his bottom lip between his thumb and index finger while he winks at you.

“You always were impatient, Y/N.” He mocks, comparing your need for release to you being unable to wait for cookies to cool so you ate them hot.

Jongin stands up and plays with his belt, taking his time to remove the last of his clothing which allows you to admire him some more. The muscles in his arms and chest ripple as he moves, his abdomen, you swear, was sculpted by Gods and once he removes his briefs, your eyes widen; his cock stands to full attention, your shock from his size only seems to boost Jongin’s ego.

“This is what you do to me.” He kneels back on the bed, crawling up and placing you between his arms as he hovers over you. “Your drunken night.” He lowers his body so you can feel him by your entrance. “The casual flirting.” He kisses you deeply, allowing you to taste yourself on his tongue; you take his bottom lip between your teeth when he pulls away. “Nights with you pressed against me.” He kisses your jaw and you reflectively lift your chin to allow him access to your throat. “Watching you dance around the house in my clothes.” He presses his lips against the hollow of your throat. “You make me crazy for you.” He buries his face into your neck and you moan as you feel the sharp, painful pleasure of him sucking on your neck, creating another hickey; claiming you as his.

That you are  _finally_  his.

“Jongin…” You breathe out his name, a content moan vibrating your neck as he enjoys the way you say his name. “I need you.” Your hands slowly travel down his rib cage as he lifts his pelvis enough for you to grab his thick, hard cock. You align it with your entrance and Jongin slowly moves himself inside you, causing you gasp as he stretches you, your walls welcoming the intrusion as they adjust.

“Fuck, Y/N.” His voice is muffled against your skin as he begins to pull back slowly and thrusts back in. The rhythm is slow and sensual as Jongin wraps his arms around you and holds you close and you keep up with his pace. You take the opportunity to return the favour when Jongin moves his head enough for you to plant your lips against his neck.

He moans, loudly, and you smile at the effect you have on him, you feel him move to allow you full access and you take it, nibbling and sucking; leaving a trail of purple kisses down to his shoulder. That’s when he decides to pick up the pace.

Leaning back, Jongin grabs one of your legs and drapes it over his shoulder; allowing him to go deeper than before. His pace is quicker, ruthless, and relentless as he thrusts deep and you can feel the knot beginning to grow tighter; he rotates his hips a little and smiles when you scream.

“Jong-” That’s all you can manage as he continues to hit your sweet spot. Wanton noises echo through the house along with the lewd slapping of your bodies.

“That’s right, baby.” Jongin keeps his pace as you try to keep yourself from coming undone, trying to hold onto the pleasure; he smirks as you run your fingers through your hair and biting your swollen bottom lip. “Scream my name. I want to hear it leave those beautifully abused lips when you cum.” He leans forward, allowing you to wrap your arms around his back.

“Jongin… I’m…” You scream, your walls clenching around him, milking him as your world flashes white for a split second and you dig your nails into his back as you ride out the high.

He grunts; his name leaving your lips, feeling you pulsate around him causes his own orgasm to roll over. Jongin releases your leg and crashes his lips against yours, moaning into your mouth as he fills you up with his seed.

Pressing his forehead against yours as you both try to steady your thumping hearts and panting breaths, he kisses you slowly before rolling off you and heading for the bathroom. You adjust your content body into bed and wrap yourself in the blankets.

“Here.” Jongin returns with a warm cloth and a glass of water, you smile sweetly at his consideration and care. He retrieves his briefs from the floor and pulls them on before climbing into the bed next to you.

Neither of you say a word as he takes you in his arms and you place your head against his chest, fingers absently tracing his rippled abdomen. Neither of you  _need_ to say a word, knowing exactly how the other feels as you drift off into a peaceful slumber.

* * *

“She’s asleep right now, Kyungsoo. I will tell her when she wakes up.” Hushed whispers creep through the fog of sleep as you scrunch up your face and roll over, trying to hold onto it for as long as you can. “I understand it’s important but after yesterday, I think it can wait until she is awake.” His voice gets louder as he becomes frustrated and you groan, hoping to quiet him. “I know how much this means to her but if I am to be her husband then I need to be able to look after my future wife’s needs, and right now she needs sleep.” Apparently this is all that needs to be said for your father to back down and end the call but it’s too late, you’re awake.

“Nini?” He turns towards you and sighs, disappointed in himself for waking you up but you enjoy the moment to admire how his shirt is unbuttoned and how his sun-kissed skin catches the morning rays. “What did my father want?” Jongin only smiles as he lies down on his back beside you, turning his head a little bit so he can look into your sleepy eyes.

“Nothing that can’t wait until you’re fully awake, Y/N.” You yawn as you rub your eyes, trying to wake yourself up but the warmth from the bed and the lovingly way Jongin strokes his thumb against your cheek causes your eyes to grow heavy once again.

“I love you.” Is all you hear as your mind fogs over and you are uncertain if those words left your lips or his.


	5. Chapter Five

You wake up, words repeating in your head and you wonder if they were some sort of dream. You smile as you remember the blissful night before and how you spent the night in his arms in a way you never thought you would ever be, but your body craved him more. His calloused touch, his sweet, earthy scent, the glint in his eyes when he smiles, the way your heart flutters when he says your name or, hell, even looks in your direction. It doesn’t erase the pain but Jongin makes it bearable.

 _“I love you.”_  The words replay in your head and your brow creases slightly.

Did Jongin tell you that he loves you? Did you tell him that you love him?

You shoot up and cover your eyes from the glare of sunlight filtering in through the crack of the curtains. What time is it? Stretching the tired muscles as you look around for Jongin only to find that your bed, room and his room are empty of life outside of your own; your hand flies out to reach for your phone on the nightstand.

 _11:38AM_  
3 Missed Calls  
2 New Messages

“Nini?” You call out, your voice echoing through the quiet room and down the hallway; no reply coming back.

Did he leave without you? You shake your head, you doubt it but the sudden gnawing in your gut erases the previous bliss as you slowly slip out of the bed and open the nightstand drawer to retrieve the Glock hidden inside.

Jongin has  _never_  left the house or gone anywhere without leaving a written message, even when he went to the store for eggs. Ever since you were children and especially in the weeks you have resided together, he either tries waking you or leaves a hand-written note by your nightstand. He always claimed that a note was more personal than a text; which always made you laugh because that was so  _Jongin_ , so thoughtful and caring.

Aware that you are in nothing but your panties and Jongin’s shirt that you use to sleep in, you decide to dress quickly in case of needing to run. Looking at the phone again, you hurry to get dressed while intermittently checking each notification. Donning a pair of black skinny jeans and a black singlet that hugged your figure, you see who the calls are from.

 _Missed call: Kyungsoo [0959]_    
                _: Junmyeon [1030]  
                  : Kyungsoo [1102] left voicemail_

Making sure you can move around in the clothing chosen, you play the voicemail.

 _“Y/N, I know you are upset about yesterday but please answer your phone. We have news about the location of Byun Baekhyun and I cannot get a hold of Jongin.”_ Strapping on your bulletproof vest and tightening your gun holster, you feel that gnawing grow into a pit.  _“I spoke with him earlier this morning when we received the news but he hasn’t answered any calls since, please Y/N, call me when you get this.”_ The phone clicks and you make sure the safety is on your gun.

Why does it feel like you’re heading off to war?

Before you call your father, you decide to check the unread texts. Even though you are still angry with him, something doesn’t sit right with you with Jongin not answering his phone. In all your years, Jongin has never disappeared without any form of contact, even when you refused to talk to him, he was still available.

**_[Jongin 1032]_ ** _Y/N, I’ve just gone to see Father to talk about yesterday, won’t be long._

The text doesn’t make sense at all, if Jongin visited his father then neither of them would be trying to contact you trying to find him; also, why did he text instead of leaving a note?

Everything is starting to look really suspicious and so you open the second text, which is from an unknown number with a photo attached. You stop at the bottom of the stairs upon opening the message and stare wide-eyed at the iPhone screen, blood draining from your face and your knees collapsing as you grab the rail for support.

An expensive, familiar black Mercedes is lying on its roof with the passenger door completely bent inwards and front bumper is nearly inside of the car, you know, even though you don’t want to accept it, you  _know_  it’s  _his_  car. You regain power over your body as you sprint for the front door, fighting back the tears as you dial Jongin’s number; preparing for the worst but praying for the best.

_“The number you have dialled is currently unavailable, please try again later.”_

“Fuck.” You swear as you look around for some form of transport, Sehun was the one with the car and it is the same with Jongin,  _is_ being the operative word but you refuse to believe he’s dead. He can’t be, it’s Jongin, you would feel it.

Dialling your father’s number, you start running towards Junmyeon and Yuna’s home. Kyungsoo answers after the first ring.

“Y/N.” You can hear the worry lacing his tone and as much as you want to fall into the ‘Daddy’s little girl’ persona, you know you have to stay focused to find your best friend – future husband. “Where are you?” He can hear your breathing becoming laboured and the wind rushing past as you run.

“I’m on my way to Junmyeon’s, where is Jongin? I received a text about an hour ago that he was meeting Junmyeon.” The quiet you hear from the other end proves your worst fears: Jongin is missing.

“Did he leave you a note?”

“Mm-mm. He texted.” You know this is Chanyeol’s doing. “I got a photo of his car…”

“There was a crash when Jongin was on his way to a location that Byun Baekhyun may have been, he refused to take anyone with him and said he was doing this for you.” You stop to regain your breath as the house came into view. Damn him for always needing to protect you, you almost curse the man but something inside your heart refuses to be angry as you are more worried for him.

“Father,” the word is bittersweet as you still harbour anger over his previous decisions, “send me the address. I’m bringing Nini home.” You swallow, the next words refusing to be voiced. “No matter the cost.”

* * *

Kyungsoo forwarded the address as soon as you hung up and now you find yourself parked in front of an office building in downtown Seoul, streets bustling with life; civilians.

Why would Baekhyun be here and not at the Park family company?

You ignore the feeling in your gut and decide to call Jongin’s phone once more.

_Ring, ring. Ring, ring._

Suddenly, the phone clicks and you hear chuckling on the other line; a chuckle that you know all too well.

“Where is he?” You hiss the words through gritted teeth, you stare at the building; hoping to burn a hole through it with your eyes.

“Who?” The voice feigns innocence, raising an octave higher. The chuckling resumes.

“You know fair well,  _who_. Don’t fuck with me, Baekhyun.” The chuckling stops.

“Well, look who’s decided to pull on her big girl pants. You weren’t so tough when you watched your mother die.” Him bringing up the event causes you to grind your teeth and tense your jaw, you refuse to allow him to do what Baekhyun does best; get a reaction. “Maybe we’ll do the same with Jongin, can’t have a wedding without a groom.”

“And you think killing Jongin will cause me to beg for my life and marry Chanyeol?” You choke out a disbelieving laugh. “You really are as fucked in the head as that psychopath.” Baekhyun clicks his tongue at your response.

“Tch, tch. You don’t marry Chanyeol and you’ll meet the same fate as Kim Jongin and your sweet mother.”

“Be better than being a  _Park_.” You say the name with such hate; your upper lip curls as if the word itself leaves a disgusting taste on your tongue.

“Let’s see what you’re made of, my dear~” His singsong voice makes the hair on the back of your neck stand to attention as you spy two men in black open the door of the building, the phone clicks and you waste no time in exiting the car and heading for the welcome party.

Both men are twice your size but are no match for your agile movements and years of hand-to-hand combat training with the best men your father could hire; you find their lack of experience concerning but nothing matters as you enter further inside the building.

You check every floor and every floor is met with disappointment, until you reach the third floor from the top. Opening the door, you find a pleased Baekhyun clapping his hands with several more men covering the exits and all armed; slouching in a seat beside Baekhyun with his hands tied behind his back is Jongin. His head is hanging and his shoulders are slow at moving with each laboured breath, your heart clenches as you keep your feet planted in your spot.

“Did you check each floor individually or did you go straight to the top and made your way down?” His eyes – which you always found bright and puppy-like – are now shining with a deranged glint as his lips curve upwards into an equally psychotic smile.

“You’re insane.” You point out as you shake your head, Baekhyun has always been eccentric but right now he looks like he should be locked away in a padded cell.

“Maybe, but I still have the upper hand.” He lifts Jongin’s chin to give you a better look at his face. His hair is dishevelled and you can see glass still sitting among the strands, there’s multiple scratches on his face with one that is still dripping with fresh blood above his right eyebrow, his right eye is swollen and black as well as his bottom lip – you can see where his teeth have bitten into the soft flesh. “I still have your precious Jongin.”

“And I can still kill you before you lay another finger on him.” A choked gurgle comes from Jongin as he opens one eye to look at you, his smile looking out of place on his damaged face.

As quick as you can, you pull the gun from its holster and shoot the men that are in direct line of sight as you run towards Baekhyun, who’s deranged smile sits firmly on his face. He doesn’t move his finger from Jongin’s chin nor does he try to get out of the way when you put the force behind your shoulder to knock him off his feet, nearly toppling over yourself.

You start to untie the knot that binds Jongin’s hands and you give him an once-over, checking for any signs that he may be worse off than he looks. A gun clicking behind you accompanied by a chuckle stops your hands.

“You’re going to be the death of each other, Y/N.” He chides you while he moves the nozzle of the gun between you and Jongin, as if contemplating who to shoot first. “I may have underestimated you but doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to kill you myself.” Your eyes flick around for an escape while you instinctively put yourself in front of Jongin.

“You always were a little off, Baek but really? We have been friends since high school and you turn your back on me for what? Power?” You try to stall him while figuring out how to get out of this situation. You can hear the strain in Jongin’s breathing and you can see that the two men you haven’t been able to take out, are starting to close in on both sides. The closest target is Baekhyun but you know if you kill him, both his men will shoot you and Jongin – who is defenceless in his current state.

“It’s not power that made me choose Chanyeol over our friendship.” His voice snaps you out of your thoughts as you see the deranged smile falter and for a second – Baekhyun looks like your old high school friend. “It was him.” His gun points at Jongin and you move forward without thinking. Muscle memory and reflexes cause you to move quickly, knocking the gun upwards out of his hand while placing Baekhyun in a tight choke hold and pressing your own gun against his head. He only chuckles in response to the turn of events. “This is exactly what I mean. I was your first kiss, Y/N but at every turn, Jongin was in the way; stopping me from being your first love. Yuri would still be alive if it wasn’t for the selfishness of your best friend.” Most of what he is saying is true but the last sentence freezes you.

Baekhyun is trying to cause you to doubt Jongin, doubt his intentions and to waver your trust in him so he can use it against you. That’s what he does, Baekhyun is a talker, a negotiator, a master at reading people and he is trying to get a read on you.

Do you believe him? To an extent, but not the way he wants. Jongin did stop Baekhyun from becoming more than a friend but in his mind, he loved you which you finally realised last night. Jongin has always loved you and the events that came to be will never be his fault because he could never have predicted his love would have the consequences they did.

Like Kyungsoo.

The realisation hits you harder than intended as you fire your weapon to take out Baekhyun’s remaining men before resting the hot nozzle against his temple, looking at Jongin’s battered body while your fingers linger on the trigger.

“Y/N.” Jongin’s raspy voice pulls your eyes to his own; the one that isn’t swollen shut hardens as you take in his expression.

Your finger twitches on the trigger as you press the gun harder against a stunned Baekhyun’s temple.

“I’m sorry.” Is all you say as you step back and pull the trigger. Baekhyun drops to your feet and you stare for a few seconds before letting out a small sob; not because you killed someone but because for over five years, he was your friend. Baekhyun was someone you confided in when Jongin wasn’t around and always put a smile on your face; how could someone so light-hearted turn his back on your friendship over something so small?

The question remains the same for Sehun; is there something wrong with you for two people you trusted to turn their back on you so easily?

“Hey,” a hand on your shoulder causes you to remove your eyes from the body in front of you, “let’s get you home.” You shake your head in astonishment as you help Jongin move towards the elevator, his pace significantly slower than usual.

“I’m taking you to a hospital.” Your tone makes it clear that he shouldn’t argue but that doesn’t help him from groaning at the thought. Jongin could spend three days beside your bed but when it comes to going for his own health, he pouts like a scolded child. “You’re a big baby, Jongin.” You shake your head as you press the ‘ground’ button and pull your phone from your back pocket, dialling Kyungsoo’s number.

“How did you know?” Jongin asks as the gravity shifts around you. “How did you know something was wrong?”

“You didn’t leave a note, I received a text instead of finding a note and I knew something didn’t seem right.” You don’t know why he never left a note but you know he’s not in a position to tell you.

* * *

The white room is blinding as Jongin lies in the hospital being attended to by a nurse. He winces as he moves to allow her to change his dressings; he can see you talking to a doctor through the window that leads into the halls. He isn’t sure what you are saying but he can tell by your exaggerated hand gestures and scrunched nose that you are unhappy with whatever the doctor is saying.

“Mr. Kim, I need to check the bruising around your ribs.” The nurse slowly pulls down the sheets to reveal his toned, tanned torso; she sucks in her breath as he watches her eyes shine with admiration and her fingers linger longer than needed on his muscles.

“Ahem.” He smiles shyly at you while the nurse pulls the sheets back up and bows before trying to leave. You’re leaning against the doorway with your arms crossed and displeasure written over your tired face but as the nurse goes to leave, you move to stand in her way. “How is my  _fiancé_  doing?” Jongin’s heart skips noticeably as you say the word.

“Oh, sorry, Miss.” The young nurse mumbles as she avoids your burning gaze. “He should be able to go home tomorrow morning.” You lean in to whisper something and the nurse nearly runs from the room.

“What did you say to her?” Jongin tries to hide the fact that he’s amused by your obvious jealousy but the smirk creeps over his bruised features, you roll your eyes as you pull a chair closer to the bed.

“That if I find her handling you like that again, she will find herself in a bed as well.” You try to smile but the bags under your eyes are notable and Jongin has heard you whimpering in your sleep.

“Baby,” your eyes dilate at the pet name, “we still haven’t talked about the other day.” You shake your head and bite your lip, not wanting to burden him with your nightmares. The damage done to his body is superficial and has reduced to mostly bruises and healed wounds but it doesn’t stop the day and possible outcome from haunting you at night – as well as Baekhyun’s lifeless body draining on the floor. “Aish, Y/N. We’re in this together, you need to talk.” Jongin reaches out for your hand and the tears start to fall, your teeth digging into the soft flesh of your bottom lip as you try to stifle the sobs.

“I-I thought I-I was going to lose yo-you…” You stutter. “I was s-so scared and I s-still lost s-someone…” Jongin’s heart pangs as he feels your head fall onto his chest and your cries shake his body as well as your own; you don’t see him clench his teeth as you fall harder than expected.

“Baekhyun betrayed you, baby.” The pet name he has decided to use over the last few days seems natural as he strokes your hair. He knows you have lost too much already and it pains him knowing you lost someone you considered a friend. “He turned his back on you, not the other way around.” You nod, knowing his logic is true and that if given a chance, it would have been you bleeding out on the abandoned office floor. “What did the doctor say?” You scoff while you wipe the tears from your eyes, still pissed off with what the doctor had to say.

“That you can come home tomorrow and are able to resume normal activities within another two days.”

“Do you not want me home?” You shake your head furiously, your long, light brown hair falling into your face.

“I just think after a car crash  _and_  getting beaten up that you need more than two days.” Jongin kisses the top of your head, a soft smile on his face as you try to keep your breathing steady, tear drops drying on your cheeks as you listen to his heartbeat.

He loves it when you worry about him, he loves it when you smile just for him, he loves it when you bury your face deeper into his chest and cling to him when you sleep. He loves everything about you but what he didn’t  _like_  was the face you made before you pulled the trigger.

The way your eyes were void of emotion, your face showed no signs of remorse as you watched Baekhyun’s life drain from his body, you became someone Jongin did not know until the seconds passed and a switch flickered on behind your eyes. He doesn’t want you to feel that way again, to look like a merciless killer. It doesn’t repulse him, Jongin’s hands have blood on them; but it scares him to see you become someone else.

Someone lost inside the darkness.

“Why didn’t you leave me a note?” Your muffled words cause Jongin to look down at you, your head slightly turned to look up him while your face is still pressed against him. “You left notes when you went anywhere but not this time, why?” He sighs, knowing he has to tell you the truth.

“I didn’t want to see what I saw today, Y/N. You didn’t have to kill him, you could have spared his life; used him as leverage or a source of information but instead you killed him.” He closes his eyes, his head leaning back against the pillow. “I thought if I went and dealt with this situation on my own, you wouldn’t have had to get your hands dirty.”

“You nearly died.” Your voice is mixed with anger and disbelief. You know that Jongin would kill for you but you didn’t realise he will also die for you. “This is my responsibility, my family; I can handle myself.” You pull away from him, unable to look at him as you fight with your own mind.

You want to call him stupid, tell him it’s not his business on what you do but you know it would be wrong. It’s wrong to disregard his love for you, your love for him; you would have done the exact same thing if roles were reversed.

All these emotions, new and terrifying, flood your system and you feel afraid of what you may say so you stand up; causing the seat to scrape across the floor.

“Baby?” Jongin reaches out for you and you allow him to hold your hand before walking towards the door.

“I can’t- I can’t lose you, Nini.” You say before leaving the room, Jongin’s voice calling your name as you run out of the hospital; unsure of where to go but knowing you need to quieten the negative thoughts in your mind.

Unable to take after you, Jongin reaches for his phone and calls the only two people he trusts, outside of himself, when it comes to your protection.

“Minseok, get Jongdae and go find Y/N, she’s run off and I’m scared of what she may do.” Placing his phone beside him, Jongin lets out a deep sigh; pondering one question as he closes his eyes.

Where would you go to sort your thoughts?


	6. Chapter Six

Where is the one place you can go without being judged? A place you can cry and scream without someone thinking too much about it?

You find yourself on your knees, hands resting against your thighs, in front of  _her_. The one person you feel you can talk to right now – even if she can’t talk back.

“Mother.” The word feels strange on your tongue but also familiar, like trying a childhood sweet that brings back feelings of nostalgia. “I don’t know what to do.” The tears fall freely, you don’t bother to wipe them or hide them as all you want to do right now is cry. “I can’t lose him but he insists on protecting me, if he dies-” The words die in your throat, only to be replace with sobs.

There is no divine answer, no response from the afterlife, no knowing that Yuri is watching but you just kneel in front of her gravestone and let your worries vocalise themselves.

“I killed Baek. I didn’t even care at the time because I wanted him to pay; to feel the pain I felt when he forced me to watch you die. I put the gun to his head even while watching Jongin’s express his concerns; I pulled the trigger and watched the life drain from his body.” You sniff. The cold evening air starts to sink into your clothing and you scoff at how cliché it is that you left your jacket at the hospital. “The worse thing is that it kind of felt good; the act of taking out some form of revenge against those who caused my pain.”

There is a slight darkness inside you that rears its head, the same feeling courses through your body that allowed you to pull the trigger even when everything around you begged you not to.

What were you becoming? You reason that it’s the need to avenge your mother that caused you to kill your old friend but you know it’s not that; not completely. You could have let him live, could have taken him back for information like Jongin said but you felt a pull of power and you liked it.

“I’m scared.” You admit to the nothingness that surrounds you. “I’m afraid of what I’ll become if I continue down this path, I can’t let him get away with this; you deserved to live a full life, watch me and Jongin get married and have kids…” You trail off, letting out a sad chuckle. You figure that she would have known, Yuri knew everything – or so you thought.

Did she know that life was going to throw you a curveball? That you would be sitting here, fighting with yourself about what to do?

“What am I going to do?” Nothing but the sound of screeching tyres on tarmac answers you. Looking up you see two men; one slightly taller than the other, both with dark hair styled in different ways, one’s expression is worry and concern while the other’s lips curl up slightly at the corners while he kneels next to you.

“We’re here to take you back to Jongin.” Kim Jongdae places his hand on your mother’s gravestone, muttering words of prayer while Kim Minseok helps you to your feet.

The answer, whether given by your mother or by pure coincidence, is given to you on a silver platter. Your future husband is the answer you need, maybe not the one you want but you know that you’ll have to trust and confide in him completely, sooner or later. Before you go down a path you can’t turn back from.

* * *

The ride back to the hospital is quiet with only a few worried glances stolen in the rear view mirror. Jongdae drives carefully, treating the car like precious cargo while Minseok makes sure you don’t bolt at every red light.

They finally let out their breath when you are standing in Jongin’s hospital room, his expression stern and you find yourself avoiding it, guilt eating away at your heart.

“Do you know how worried I was?” You swallow hard, keeping your breathing quiet to hide the fact that your heart is beating hard and fast; Jongin’s tone is different, something you’ve never heard him use before. “Where was she?” He directs the question to one of the men guarding the door.

“At Yuri’s grave.” Minseok answers quietly, making sure he holds no disrespect in his voice for giving away your go-to place.

“Aish, I should have thought of that.” Jongin mutters to himself, his brow crinkles as he pinches the bridge of his nose and pushes the hair out of his eyes before looking at you. “Y/N, you know it’s dangerous for you to be alone;  _you_ are the final target, the prize. I’m just collateral, something in the way.” You sink your teeth into your bottom lip, fighting the urge to fight back. You know the tone is similar to what your father has used in the past when dealing with subordinates but this is different; commanding your obedience to his words.

Dominating.

“Don’t say that.” The words are out before you can process them. Your eyes are firmly placed on a scratch on the linoleum by the foot of the bed so you miss how the men behind you shift uncomfortably while Jongin’s gaze burns.

“Minseok, Jongdae, please go let the doctor know I will be going home tonight.” They nod and escape the room; you dare yourself to look up and are met with the most intense stare you have ever experienced in your life.

It’s not exactly anger that burns in his chocolate eyes but what it is, escapes you.

“What did you say?” His tone lowers and you know you should be afraid but instead you find yourself licking your lips. It’s Jongin, he would never be angry with you. Right?

“You shouldn’t say that about yourself, Nini.” You hope using his nickname while tame the fire. “You are just as important as I am. If something were to happen to you-” The entrance of his doctor causes you to pause.

“Excuse me, Mr. Kim but I don’t think it is wise for you…” The doctor loses track of what he’s saying and squirms when Jongin moves his glare from you to the doctor.

“I will respect doctor’s orders while resting at home, but I feel my  _fiancée_  would appreciate sleeping in a bed other than a chair.”

“If that is the case, we can have a bed made up for her. There is a family room that she can stay in tonight.” You almost smile at the doctor’s persistence, if it wasn’t for the death glare you both were currently receiving.

“ _I_  would appreciate sleeping in a proper bed with my fiancée by my side.  I’m sure being discharged now compared to the morning  _really_  isn’t going to make a difference, is it Doctor?” You internally agree with his point but outwardly, you are frozen to the spot. You have  _never_  seen Jongin this way.

It’s almost a turn on.

The doctor bows in agreeance and hurries from the room to get the paper work ready. The moment he leaves, you feel that fervent stare fall back on you; it causes goose bumps and the hair to rise on the back of your neck.

“Let’s go home, my love.” A devilish smirk appears on his lips as he lowers his feet to the floor and saunters over to you, lifting your chin to meet your eyes.

This look. The smirk, the air in which he holds himself, the fire burning in his eyes. This look.

This look  _is_  a turn on.

* * *

The moment you are inside Jongin’s house – your house – the air shifts, changes into something that makes your skin blaze while your blood runs cold; an all-consuming inferno. It’s different to the car; the silent fire that burned in Kim Jongin’s eyes as he watched your every movement, every shift in your expression, the way your eyes would dart from him to the window and back to him. He won’t admit it to you, because you have never felt his presence as strongly as you are right now, but he’s enjoying making you squirm.

“Y/N.” Your name leaves his lips in a low growl, your hand freezes on the rail of the stairs as you slowly look in his direction.

He’s leaning against the kitchen bench, elbows placed to keep him steady. His choice of attire has your pulse racing as he watches you: the way his thin black button down shirt hugs his body and his tight, black skinny jeans leaves nothing to the imagination, the smirk on his face that intensifies his fiery, dark eyes. You don’t know why but part of you yearns for his touch while another part wants to run.

“Yes, Nini.” You swallow and chew your already bruised bottom lip for the umpteenth time since getting in the car. The house is quiet, the soft glow from the lights seem to do nothing but add to his commanding aura by highlighting his wet brown hair and glistening on the droplets that travel down his neck.

“Come here.” He lifts one hand and curls a finger, indicating his want for you to be in front of him – which you oblige. You know that you can’t keep running away from him, especially not after today.

Standing in front of him, he’s quiet; biting his own bottom lip while travelling his eyes over you and you feel yourself, strangely, wanting him. You don’t know what it is but this change, albeit caused by worry for you, is becoming something arousing.

People describe you as strong, dominant, independent, fiery, stubborn but also graceful and intelligent but in this moment, with Jongin’s eyes ghosting over you, you find yourself willing to submit to his every request.

He pushes himself away from the bench which causes your bodies to press together; he trails three fingers up the inside of your right wrist, over the slight muscles in your bicep, along the curve of your neck until one finger sits under your chin, holding you in place.

“I  _never_  want you to run away from me again.” His whispers, his breath fanning across your cheek as he lowers his face to your ear. “You need to learn how to listen, how to rely on someone else, on me.” His lips lower to the sweet spot behind your ear and you can’t help but whimper.

“I’m sorry, Nini.” You feel his lips curl against your skin.

“What was that, baby? I didn’t quite hear you.” Even though, there is a teasing tone in his question; it does nothing but sends shivers down your spine. You can normally predict what Jongin’s going to do, you know him that well but this side of him is unpredictable; it excites you.

“I’m sorry, Jongin.” You lower your own voice to a whisper, hands lifting to trace his rippled abdomen over the thin material over it. “I’m sorry for running away.” You can feel his breath hitch as you run your hand down and across the hem of his jeans. “I’m sorry for worrying you.” He catches your hands before you manage to undo the button.

“Tch, tch, baby.” He tightly grips both wrists, pulling away so you can see his face; his hair falling into his eyes, his pupils are dilated, desire and fire-filled and his plump lips pulled into his famous smirk. “You need to learn a lesson tonight. You never listen to anyone but yourself, a trait – while endearing – is frustrating. Do you not trust me? Trust that I can protect you?” You shake your head; that’s not why you have never fully accepted his help. “Then why, my love?”

“I-I don’t want to lose you.” You admit but instead of letting go of you, he lifts your hands above your head and presses himself against you; forcing you to look up at him. “I thought I could do this alone.” You can’t look away from him but you do try to struggle from his grasp.

“Tch, even when your body is trying to obey, you still fight me.” You gasp as he lifts you over his shoulder and carries you towards the stairs, one hand tightly wrapped around your legs to keep you from flailing while the other rubs circles on your inner left thigh; even through your jeans, the touch is sensitive.

Throwing you onto his bed, he hovers over you.

“I can see it in your eyes, Y/N; the defiance, your persistence to resist being controlled, the stubbornness.” His scent is intoxicating, clouding your senses. “Do you understand how much you frustrate me, that no matter how much we love each other, you will continue to resist me?” The sharpness in his jaw becomes more defined as he tenses the muscles beneath the skin, controlling his own desire. “When will you put your trust in me?”

“I do- I do trust you, Jongin.” He shakes his head at your words.

He knows you’re not lying but he also knows that you hold back when it comes to giving in to him completely, you always have held a piece of yourself away from everyone but now he’s not your friend, he’s more – he’s your husband-to-be.

“Then give yourself to me, Y/N. Let me show you I can be the man that you deserve.”  _That you need._ He holds nothing back when he pulls away from you and lifts his shirt from his body, the way his muscles move as he pulls you towards him, entrances you. When you try to touch him, he grabs your wrist again and shakes his head.

“You need to obey, you need to follow your body, let me take over.” The way he says the words causes your body to do one thing and your mind to do another. Your body responds by squeezing your thighs together, a strangled moan escaping your lips while your mind starts figuring out every-and-which way you can defy him.

Obedience and defiance struggling inside you.

Jongin ignores your internal struggle, whether he’s aware of it or not, he doesn’t let on while he slides his hands under your red tank top; as he moves his hands up your sides, the shirt lifts with them until he’s completely lifted it over your head – with little resistance from you.

“Good girl.” He places a heated kiss on your lips, willing your mouth open by tracing his tongue over your bottom lip. This, you do resist, part of you still refusing to be controlled. “Every time you refuse me, I will do something that your body can’t refuse.” He pushes a hand between your clenched thighs and cups your sex, the slight friction he gives you makes you gasp and he smiles.

Continuing the friction, Jongin lowers his lips to yours once more and you allow him to coax your tongue with his own; no fighting for dominance because you already know who’s in control.

You can fight him, resist and defy him but you know that he’s going to win. The sweet, kind Nini who you grew to love is also a red-blooded Mafia man; strong and dominant in every way you can imagine.

Jongin feels your body relax under him and he knows he’s won, knows that you are willing to bend to his every demand. He doesn’t want that, of course, he loves everything about who you are but he wanted to make a point; you cannot keep going this way alone because even if you’re afraid to lose him, he’s terrified of losing you.

“Nini…” You mewl, rocking your hips into his palm to increase the friction. You are putty in his hands.

“What do you want, baby?” He removes his hand and you protest, loudly. “You’re being such a good girl, I’ll give you anything you want.” It doesn’t take you long to realise his need, his own dominance over your body turned him on and you  _enjoy_  it.

You’re not submissive, far from it but for him, you would make the exception.

You don’t say anything as your hands reach behind your back and unclasp your bra, removing your jeans and panties and leaving you naked, kneeling on the bed in front of him. His eyes widen slightly as he appreciates what you display for his eyes.

There’s something different about tonight compared to the previous night, he’s gentle in the way he’s touching you but he’s also calculating how much pressure to apply and where.

If he grips your waist just tight enough, you gasp against his lips. If he nibbles hard enough on your earlobe, you moan loudly.

You also take the time to explore, only where he wants you to. He still remains firm in his dominance in this evening. He allows you to remove his jeans, almost peeling them off like a second skin and freeing the erection that was straining against the tight material; he gives you a little nod at your unvoiced question.

The way you trail your lips down his chest, leaving pink marks on your way down to his throbbing length causes Jongin to sigh; the sound is heavenly. When you swirl your tongue around the tip, tasting the precum that’s already oozing out, he wraps your hair around his hand. He doesn’t force himself into your warm mouth, instead he finds restraint; allowing you to find the way that pleases him the most.

It doesn’t take you long to figure out what gets him going; hollowing your cheeks as you take as much of him as you can, one hand supporting your weight while the other reaches under and cups his balls, carefully squeezing every time he hits the back of your throat.

“Baby…” Jongin sighs, bucking his hips slightly but enough to cause you to gag on him; you can hear his breathing start to become more heavy as he holds himself back. He pulls himself out before you bring him to his orgasm. “It’s been three days.” He turns you around, facing the mirror on his closet and you watch his every move.

Your eyes meet his as he lines himself up from behind and eases into you, both sighing at the feeling; Jongin begins to rock your hips with his own before you get the rhythm. The position is a little awkward for you but you enjoy the way he feels inside you, against you, for it to be awkward for too long.

Jongin kisses your shoulder, moving slowly until he reaches the crook of your neck where his previous mark is starting to fade.

“Looks like you need a new one.” He chuckles as he watches you roll your eyes, placing his lips to the same spot before sucking.

It was a different feeling for you, watching him make love to you. His lips alternating between your neck to your shoulders, any part of you he could mark while one hand kneads at your breast and the other holds your neck in place so you can watch, applying the lightest squeeze every time you moaned his name.

“Jong-Jongin…” The knot that’s been forming in your core is crying for release as your pace quickens and Jongin’s hips ruthlessly pound against you from behind.

“Come for me, baby. I want you to see that beautiful face you make when I make you come.” He moves his hand from your throat and pinches your clit; the contact bucks your hips against him as you begin to feel the waves of ecstasy.

You can see in the mirror, the blissful scene that unfolds; a scene that could almost be painted by angels as Jongin’s mouth opens along with yours and you both ride your high while moaning the other’s name.

You have given him every part of you and him, you. In that moment, you don’t doubt that you can rely on him. It was silly to doubt that in the first place.

* * *

Lying in his arms, drawing random pictures against his sweat covered skin; you muse about what’s to come. A daunting thought after such amazing sex but you know it’s going to be talked about eventually.

“Baby?” Jongin hums, sleepily in response. “What’s going to happen next?” He tightens his hold on you, wrapping you in the warmth that naturally ebbs from his core.

“Next, we go after Sehun.” You stiffen at the name. “But this time we go in together, okay Jagiya?” You give him a firm nod, eyes hidden behind the mess of hair as Jongin kisses your forehead. He knows the words you want to say without actually saying them, that’s how close you two are.

“I promise I will listen to you. Only you.” He chuckles, a sound that vibrates his body as well as yours.

“My love, I just wanted you to understand where I was coming from. At the end of the day, I’m with you to the end. I just wanted you to let me in.” His tone immediately tells you he’s shy, Jongin isn’t embarrassed by his actions but it is a side of him that he’s never shown you; shown no-one outside of meetings.

“I understand, Nini.” You peck him on the jaw as you snuggle into his side and close your eyes. “Next time, don’t hold back.”


	7. Chapter Seven

It’s been two days, two days since Jongin sent out men looking for any information regarding Oh Sehun’s location, two days since you opened up completely to him and two days since he showed you the side of himself that he’s kept hidden – a side he can’t stop from showing anymore.

“I’m sorry, sir. The last lead was a dead end again.” Kim Minseok bows his head in apologises and you throw your fist down on the table while Jongin runs his fingers through his hair for the fifth time in the last half hour. “Jongdae may have had some form of success but there’s been a problem reaching him.” You and Jongin give glances at each other and your heart falls when you see the hint of worry that flashes behind his eyes.

Even though, in reality, Jongdae and Minseok are his subordinates, men who have sworn to protect the heir to the business, Jongin has grown up around them and considers them brothers. To hear the news, or even the possibility, that something could have happened to one of them – it tears him apart inside.

“Nini, it could be anything.” You rest your hand on his cheek, hoping to calm the storm of worry that you can feel growing inside him.

“Or he could be dead.” You cup his cheeks, willing him to look at you. You can see he’s trying to compose himself, compartmentalise his love for his friend to the war that’s going on around him but he isn’t as good as you at hiding things. You hide everything behind anger, sarcastic responses and distractions while Jongin wears everything on his face; even his love for you.

His mother had mentioned it the day after Jongin had been released from hospital, the two heads of the families were still putting pieces into place but she came to see her son, while he rested in bed.

_“I have never seen him look so peaceful than when he’s with you, Y/N.” Caressing her son’s cheek and he pouts a little, looking more like a young innocent man rather than the future of a Mafia family. “You can always tell how Jongin is feeling even when he tries to hide it. He’s never been able to hide things well; it’s the one thing his father couldn’t teach him. Around his men, he’s able to do it, to an extent, but around you – everything shows in his eyes. You are going to be his one weakness but you are also going to be his greatest strength.” Yuna begins by explaining the role of the wife in the Mafia, a talk that your own mother should have given._

“We will find him, Jongin.” He looks at you, seeing the determination in your eyes and hearing steadiness in your voice; he nods and pulls himself together. You were providing strength, giving him a centre to focus on; that’s what it means to be married, balancing each other out.

* * *

You look out the window as Jongin begins his instructions on where to go and what to do, you allowed him to take control because you had to learn to relinquish that need to be in control all the time; he will soon lead the men with you by his side and he needed to learn that now. That’s why neither of your fathers were here. Theydecided it would be best to let their children take the reins and watch from the side lines; a form of training in their own eyes.

Your mind begins to wander, traveling down paths that you refuse to follow. You could go off and do your own searching, you could let the darkness that’s been building behind your calm reverie win and march up to Park Finances and kill everyone there until someone gives you Sehun’s or Chanyeol’s location.

You could become the monster that they’re hoping to turn you into.

But as you look over at Jongin frantically trying to compose himself, trying to make a rational decision that could hopefully find his friend and the location of Sehun; you know that you can’t do it. Not because you don’t want to, you don’t think that thirst for cold-blooded revenge will go away until this is over but you can’t do it because of him.

Kim Jongin seems to be the one thing that balances out the coldness you feel in your heart sometimes with the warmth that he surrounds you in; he’s the calm to your storm and the light in your darkness. Every bad thought, that one utterly painful memory that taints your otherwise happy life; Jongin erases it all the moment he looks in your direction.

Something that never happened with Sehun.

The love you felt for him was something else entirely. Maybe that’s where the darkness started, the secrets he kept from you, the distancing yourself from those you loved, the late nights you were left wondering where he was, the distraction in the guise of love. You allowed him to become home, your home away from home; but you were so caught up in the escape from reality – the thought that he was outside of it all – that you didn’t see what he was doing.

He was good, working his way into your head and twisting everything to make Jongin look like the bad guy and make Sehun look like the better option.

It sickens you when you think of the harsh words you said to Jongin but he never mentions it – yet you still remember.

_“You’re not my father.” You yell at him, pushing him away from you and refusing to acknowledge the pain in his eyes. “You have no right to tell me who I can and can’t date.”_

_“I’m not telling you who to date; I’m just telling you not to choose him. I don’t trust him, Y/N.” A pout forms on his lips as he kicks a non-existent rock with the toe of his Chuck Taylors; a pout that used to make your heart flutter – not today._

_“I love him, Jongin.” That is the first time you referred to him by his full name in eighteen years and that is the first time you lied to him._

At the time, it wasn’t necessarily a lie because you did love Sehun, just not in the way you love Jongin. You didn’t know any of this when you said that but looking back, you can see how your words impacted your future.

Jongin and you became distant, he hardly spoke to you outside of family events but then you didn’t attempt to mend the rift those four words created.

But even after it all, he came to your rescue. He did everything he could to save you, even after hurting him years prior with your love for someone else; Jongin’s love for you prevailed through it.

“Penny for your thoughts?” His husky voice and warm body pulls you out of your reminiscing. His chin rests on your shoulder, wrapping his arms around your waist and you can see your reflection in the window to see a pouty Jongin who looks exhausted for the short day he’s had.

He’s followed the doctor’s orders; you’ve made sure he doesn’t over-exert himself but he refused to sit this meeting out, stubbornly insisted he needed to be there in case Sehun was found but after the news about Jongdae, his skin looks paler than usual and eyes are swimming with sadness.

“Shall we go home, my love?” Jongin shakes his head at your question but doesn’t refuse your touch as you reach a hand up to caress his cheeks, not moving from the position you’ve been standing in for the previous hour. “You need sleep, Nini. Minseok and the other men will go to Jongdae’s last known location and we will hear from them when they find something.”

* * *

You run Jongin a bath to help him relax, none of the wounds left a scar and the bruising on his ribs have nearly faded. You leave him to prepare dinner, thinking fried chicken would be a good idea due to the day he’s had but after a short while, your cell phone vibrates on the bench.

**_[Sehun 1910]_ ** _Are you looking for me, Y/N? I’m flattered to think that your precious Nini sent one of his most trusted men after me._

Your heart drops into your stomach, the feeling making you feel sick, what exactly is Sehun implying? Did he do something to Jongdae? Your hands shake as you type your reply, trying to concentrate on dinner also.

**_[Y/N 1915]_ ** _What did you do to Jongdae? You are seriously one twisted bastard, Sehun.  
 **[Sehun 1917]** If I told you, then it would ruin the surprise._

You can imagine the smile that will be on his face as he says this; it was something that he would say now and again when you first started asking where he was going at night. You never guessed the ‘surprise’ was watching your mother die.

**_[Sehun 1919]_ ** _Your words wound me, Y/N. Do you forget that you used to love this ‘twisted bastard’ or do you think you’re above me?  
 **[Sehun 1920]**  Sehun sent a photo._

You almost drop the phone when you see the contents, regretting instantly at having opened it.

“Everything okay, baby?” Getting another fright, you do drop the phone and it shows Jongin – who’s still dripping wet from his bath with a towel wrapped around his waist – exactly what has you distracted and nearly burning dinner.

You can see the fury in his eyes as he picks up the phone and sees the picture; a picture of a cold, blood-soaked Baekhyun. He scrolls through the rest of the conversation until he sees the message regarding the potential fate of Jongdae.

**_[Y/N 1925]_ ** _If Jongdae is hurt, Sehun; I will come and kill you myself.  
 **[Sehun 1926]** ;)_

If it wasn’t your phone he’s holding, Jongin would have thrown it but instead he carefully places it on the bench and steps away to breath.

Rushing to the oven and saving dinner, you frantically finish what you’ve started while Jongin tries to calm himself and you try to relax. To think Sehun’s done something to Jongdae makes your anger bubble under the surface but seeing Jongin’s pain seems to hold it back.

This is his friend, this is someone  _he_  cares about and you feel guilty that it’s your fault Jongdae was involved but also proud because instead of focusing on your own hatred for Sehun and need for revenge, you manage to focus on Jongin and what he’s feeling.

“Nini,” he looks into your eyes as you softly speak to him, “go get dressed while I set the table.” He pushes his damp hair from his eyes and drags his feet upstairs while you set the table; thinking about everything you can do for him.

* * *

_Ring, Ring_

You dry your hands, with the dishes rinsed and placed in the dishwasher; you walk over to where Jongin’s phone sits on the bench, ringing.

_Incoming Call:  
Kim Minseok_

“Minseok, is everything okay?” Jongin looks over at your panicked expression as you listen to the man on the other line.

“Y/N, we found them. We found Jongdae, Sehun is with him but there’s a slight complication.” You can hear the men in the background but you can’t make out what is going on from the snippets of conversations you hear.

“Minseok, meet us at the office. Don’t let Sehun out of your sight.” Jongin’s on his feet and dashing up the stairs while you pull on your coat, clutching Jongin’s phone to your ear. “We will meet you there shortly.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“What’s going on, Y/N?” Jongin has pulled on a simple white singlet with a generic logo on it with a pair of black, ripped jeans. He hurries to pull on his hoodie and leans against the banister of the stairs to support his balance as he puts on his shoes. “Did they find Jongdae?”

“Mhmm, but there’s something wrong. Minseok wouldn’t say anything more over the phone.” You make sure the security is armed while Jongin rushes out the door in front of you.

“Fuck! I’m going to kill him.” Even in his frantic, angry state, Jongin still opens your door for you before getting into the car himself.

“Let’s just see what’s going on before you kill Sehun.” Jongin glares in your direction as you stare out the window. Rain has started to fall as you pull out of the driveway, normally the rain will make you feel calm but right now, it seems to be nature representing your inner turmoil.

“Will you let me kill him?” You look in Jongin’s direction and see the same dominant ferocity that he displayed that day in the hospital. “If it comes down to the wire, Y/N, will you let me kill him?”

“I-” You don’t know how to respond, will you let Jongin pull the trigger?

Sehun deserves it, you know that much but do you want that responsibility hanging over your conscious once again?

Looking over at Jongin, you observe his body language before you reply. His messy hair is splayed across his forehead, his plush lips pulled tight into a frown, the muscles in his jaw tense as he grinds his teeth, his back straight and tense and his grip on the steering wheel is so tight, his knuckles are turning white.

You knew you had to tell him something, give him an answer to ease his tension.

“Yes.”

* * *

There are several men already filling the office and Minseok has already called the on-roll doctor, who’s currently examining an exhausted Jongdae on the black leather couch. Everyone parts out of the way when Jongin and you make your way through the overly cramped room.

Jongdae’s shirt is in tatters on his body and out of all the cuts on his body, the large straight cut on his left bicep grabs your attention – and the doctors.

“I can’t say for sure until further testing, but this wound has been stitched by a medical professional and-”

“It’s a biological bomb.” An amused, deep voice comes from the background and you turn to see Sehun’s fading blonde hair through the midst of black suits. “It’s linked to my heartbeat, I have a responder inserted in my arm, so if I die…” He raises his eyebrows and makes a ‘ _boom_ ’ noise to emphasise his point. You can’t see it from the distance but you assume he’s tied to a chair; he’s too dramatic to not use hand gestures.

“You motherfucker!” Jongin’s storming across the room before you can move to stop him, his hand wraps tightly around a smiling Sehun’s throat, a choked laugh escaping his lips.

“Nini,” you quickly move from your position beside Jongdae to go to Jongin’s side. “If he’s telling the truth then we can’t risk Jongdae’s life.”

“Even if it means letting that bastard live?” Jongin’s chocolate brown eyes burn with various forms of emotions: rage, confliction, hurt, desperation.

“Yes, my love.” You place a hand on his covered bicep which seems to douse the flames enough for him to release his grip.

The scene playing out before him amuses Sehun immensely and he starts to laugh darkly as you intertwine your fingers with Jongin’s, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. Sehun’s dark orbs pierce your soul as you watch his face contort slightly.

“Well, isn’t this a turn of events? I thought it would be you trying to kill me after all, I did pull the trigger not Baek…” Before he manages to finish his sentence, you see red. Letting Jongin’s hand go in a flash, you reflectively connect your closed fist with the side of his head; rendering Sehun unconscious.

“Don’t you  _ever_  say his name.” You spit, the darkness that has been holding back seems to make its way to the surface and it’s now Jongin having to pull you back from the edge.

“Y/N.” His deep, husky voice whispers in your ear as he wraps his hand around your bicep, stopping you from moving back in on Sehun. You glare at him like a rabid dog about to attack before you realise your situation; unclenching your fist and taking a deep breath, you shake him off you.

“Get him out of my sight.” You snarl, your voice dropping low as the rage still burns underneath the surface and you have to remind yourself that killing Sehun could kill Jongdae.

Oh, did you want to kill Sehun, watch his smug smile fall off his handsomely arrogant face but you’re not allowed and that, strangely, annoys you.

“Sir, we may be able to get some information from Sehun about Park Chanyeol’s plans and location. If we work it right, we may be able to figure out how to remove the implant from Jongdae.” You scoff, crossing your arms over your chest and propping yourself on the desk. Nearly everyone has cleared the room, leaving the doctor, Jongdae, Minseok, Jongin and a pissed off you.

“Sehun would gladly die just for us to lose Jongdae.” Calling the doctor’s name, you begin to question his medical expertise. “Do you think we can remove that without setting it off?” The doctor is calm despite your rude tone.

“Ma’am, I beg your forgiveness but I will not be able to do anything until I have made sure that touching it won’t cause it to explode.” The doctor adjusts his glasses and bows as you wave your hand to dismiss him, annoyance clear on your face as you look over at Jongin and Minseok.

His hand rests in his hair, holding it back while he discusses Jongdae’s medical over-watch and making sure Sehun isn’t left alone with anything that could tempt his sadistic tendencies to watch you suffer because you are right, Sehun would gladly kill himself just to hurt you.

* * *

_You’re running, running but it feels like you’re not going anywhere. You can see her, tears flowing freely down her cheeks as she whispers sweet words to you while the blonde-haired male smirks in your direction._

_BANG!_

You bolt upright, screaming which causes Jongin to scramble for his gun until he realises you’ve had yet another nightmare.

“They’re getting more frequent, Y/N. We should take you to the doctor tomorrow and see if there is anything he can do to help.” You stubbornly shake your head, pushing Jongin into the mattress as you manoeuvre your way across him; settling into his chest, ear pressed against him so you can listen to the fluttering of his heart.

“Let me sleep like this, you are all I need to sleep well.” He hums his approval to your new position, kissing the top of your head before closing his eyes.

You lied.

Listening to the storm raging outside along with the steady, resting heartbeat of Jongin’s; you kick yourself for lying to him once again.

The nightmares grow more and more vivid, the darkness swirls in your heart and you are terrified that you aren’t able to maintain the balance in your own heart.

Are you suffering from night terrors and potential PTSD?

Or are you becoming that monster Chanyeol wants you to be?


	8. Chapter Eight

“Tell me Sehun, where is Park?” The bloody smile and forced laugh causes Jongin to curl his fists, he’s not the one who’s ‘interrogating’ Sehun but he’s damn near sure he wants to be. “Just tell us where he is.” Jongin grits his teeth as Sehun pretends to think about it, pursing his lips and tilting his head.

“Then where would the fun be?” Sehun spits out some blood, rolling his shoulders as if he’s trying to get comfortable in his current position – tied to a chair. “Hey, where’s Y/N? I got some things I want to tell her about when Yuri was begging for her life.” This time, the fist that connects with Sehun’s face isn’t Minseok’s but Jongin’s.

Jongin made sure you stayed with Jongdae, trusting his life in your hands because he knows you are more levelled headed when making these forms of decisions and processing certain information than he is right now.

The sleepless nights have been catching up to the both of you and, while you are keeping a brave face for Jongin, he’s crumbling; his heart isn’t as hard as yours.

That’s why you two always match so well. You protect his soft heart with wise words and tough calls while he protects you with his life, never wavering in any decision that needs to be made in regards to you.

“You do not get to speak to her.” Jongin stares cold at Sehun, who is smiling up at the anger fuelled man.

“But if you give me what I want, I’ll give you what you want.” The two men stare at each other, one waiting for the other to buckle but neither doing so. “You know, Y/N will crack sooner or later like she did with Baekhyun; a few threats here, maybe even a death of another  _family_  member and those walls she’s built will crumble and she’ll kill the first person who crosses her path. Who will that be, Jongin? You?” Sehun chuckles, eyes twinkling at the thought of you with a gun pointed at Jongin’s head – even if it’s a dream. “I  _really_  hope so. You are the only reason she’s still sane but sooner or later, that problem will be fixed.”

“I’m going to fucken kill you.” As if his mind completely blanked, Jongin finds himself being dragged from the room. He doesn’t even know what he was going to do, probably something irrational that caused Minseok to grab him and drag him away from Sehun.

“He’s baiting you, Jongin.” A few calming breaths and a hole in the wall later, Jongin finds himself resting his head against the wall while Minseok locks the door behind him. “You can’t let him get to you like that.”

That’s easier said than done.

* * *

You find yourself shaking, gently squeezing a weak Jongdae’s hand while Dr Yixing Zhang explains the procedure. You are determined to save Jongdae, who grows paler by the hour, and Dr Yixing Zhang is the best underground doctor in Asia; his expertise is far superior than anyone you have ever met and it’s rumoured he can do anything.

Or so you thought.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jongdae weakly nods, trying to smile as you look into his soft brown eyes.

“You can watch from the observation bay, ma’am.” A nurse helps you to the next room while Dr Zhang and another nurse begin to prepare for the surgery.

A procedure with unknown consequences and outcomes.

Jongdae could survive this but you know that the possibility is slim due to his weakened state – and because things didn’t work out well for you lately.

But the possibility, no matter how slim, of Jongdae surviving gives you the slightest amount of hope because something had to go right in this war; you couldn’t possibly keep losing family and friends while Chanyeol lost nothing but pawns… right?

While you stand there watching the operation, something begins gnawing at you; should they be looking so distressed, should things be flashing, why does it look like things are going horribly wrong?

“What’s wrong?” You bombard Dr Zhang the moment he leaves the operation room, the worry lining his handsome subtle features is clear to your eyes because you’ve been expecting it.

The worst.

That’s the thing about life, it’s always full of good and bad and with your current situation you can only prepare for the worst and pray for the best.

“There was nothing there.” Your eye begins to twitch, a sign of the anger beginning to build. “The incision made and the stitch job seems to have been done with unsterile tools and the body is showing signs of infection in the blood.” He pauses, the next words weighing heavy in the air. “He may survive but because he is weak…”

“It could kill him.” You finish the sentence, sighing in defeat as the anger begins to roll through you. What are you going to tell Jongin? Sehun’s fate is definitely sealed with this, the lie he meticulously told that kept him alive for the past week is no longer going to prevent anyone from putting a hole in his head – especially if Jongdae dies.

* * *

When Jongin calms down, they continue with the interrogation – or more like provocation by Sehun. You haven’t texted him about Jongdae’s state yet so Jongin assumes things are still progressing, oblivious to the dilemma happening in your mind.

When he enters the room, Minseok is still trying to get answers with little to no progress. It seems Sehun is much stronger than Jongin anticipated and normally he would find the challenge more thrilling but this isn’t about breaking his enemy – this is about you.

“Oh, just the man I wanted to see.” Even with a potential broken nose, multiple lacerations to the face and a nasty, bleeding wound above a swollen right eye, Sehun hasn’t lost his sick sense of humour. “Sit down, let’s chat. I’m not going anywhere fast and you,” a teasing smile sits on Sehun’s busted lip, “still don’t know the fate of your friend so humour me.”

Minseok and Jongin exchange glances, neither trusting the hostage but also realising that beating him senseless isn’t getting them anywhere.

“What do you want to talk about, Sehun? Are you wanting to talk about Y/N some more?” The smile grows wider while Jongin’s eyes narrow.

Great, he wants to take a trip down memory lane.

“She talked about you a lot, Nini this, Jongin that; as her boyfriend – as fake as I was – it was torture; not as much as it was for you, though.” Sehun remembers the murderous look in Jongin’s eyes when you introduced him to your family and best friend. “I know about the reason why the two of you grew distant and I thought the plan was working because she survived without you; burying you deep and trying to keep moving forward. Did you know that, Jongin?” Minseok reaches out to place a hand on his shoulder, willing his friend not to react. “Did you know that the first person to break her heart wasn’t me, it was you?”

Jongin clenches his fists by his sides, nails digging half-moons into his palms as the muscles in his jaw tighten. Did he really break your heart that day?

“I realised after a few days that, no matter how she held herself, Y/N still kept you close in her heart and the distance wasn’t making her resent you instead it made her want you more.” Sehun smiles, remembering a certain moment that would make any other man green with jealousy. “There was one night while I was fucking her senseless that she moaned out a name,” he looks at Jongin, hate and amusement swirling behind the younger’s eyes, “your name to be precise.”

“He’s lying, Jongin.” Minseok tries to warn Jongin, worried that his friend – and boss – is starting to lose his temper.

“I wish I was.” Sehun shrugs, Jongin knows he’s not lying; he’s watched his expressions long enough to know this. “When I went to her parent’s house, the night I killed Yuri, she said something that confirmed my suspicions.” Sehun pauses and waits for Jongin to speak.

“What was that?” Jongin manages to spit out – his teeth clenched tight.

“You’ve always loved Y/N, from the moment you laid your eyes on her when she was a baby but, tell me, does Y/N know the extremes you went for her? Why were you driving over the speed limit to our house that night?” He can see that his words are hitting a spot with Jongin, a spot that torments Jongin every time he thinks about you with Sehun.

_“Jongin will protect Y/N, no matter what the price is to pay. He’s always loved her and he will die before he lets Chanyeol have her. He’s never left her side, even when they weren’t talking; you think killing me will break her but I know my daughter, she will survive this and Jongin will be at her side.”_

Sehun starts laughing, shoving Yuri’s last words in Jongin’s face.

“How pathetic are you? You should have confessed, should have told her what she meant to you and maybe, Yuri would still be alive.” Sehun’s mocking tone fills the room while the two men opposite him remain quiet. “She  _left_  you, Jongin. Y/N went off and started a life without you while you watched from the shadows, from a far.”

Jongin’s mind runs a thousand miles per hour, you can leave him – you have before – but no matter what happens, he’ll never leave you.

While those worries run through his mind, something he’s never cared for before as he  _knows_ you love him, you call with news about Jongdae.

* * *

You’re at the hospital, waiting for Jongin to arrive while Minseok takes care of Sehun. You know he would have done nothing but torment Jongin, saying anything and everything to get under his skin, smiling the way he did when he pulled the trigger, when he mocked you. You know what Sehun’s like, this Sehun may be different to the one you remember but he was still yours not that long ago; he had a twisted way about him sometimes that you always shrugged off but now you know that it was his true colours slipping through the mask.

You hear the door open and a sharp intake of breath, not letting go of Jongdae’s hand, you turn to look at your fiancé whose face shows every single emotion lying underneath. Jongin’s brow is furrowed in frustration, his eyes are filled with worry, his lips are pulled into a deep frown showing his displeasure with the situation while the way he clenches his jaw shows his anger.

“What’s happening with him?” His voice is quiet as he stands beside you, placing a hand on your shoulder while staring at a resting Jongdae’s face.

“The doctor said he will survive but he’s still really weak so it’s going to take longer for him to recover.” You feel his grip on your shoulder tighten as you hear a low growl erupt from his chest.

Jongin is pissed, rightfully so and you feel sorry for the next person to get in his way.

“They find this funny, Chanyeol thinks using Sehun to get under my skin, to hurt Jongdae, is going to make me do something rash.”

“Where is Sehun?” There is no hint of concern in your voice, the question is purely out of curiosity but to the distracted and uneasy mind of Kim Jongin, he views it as you’re worried.

Which you’re not.

Maybe worried about Jongin’s mental state but not about Sehun.

“Why?” That one word causes you to lean away from him, looking up incredulously. His eyes bore into yours, searching, judging, looking for even the slightest hint to confirm what crazy thoughts are running through his mind. “Why do you care about what happens with Sehun?” His questioning tone causes you to scoff, shaking your head because you’re offended by what he’s trying to imply.

“I don’t give two shits about  _him_ , I’m worried about  _you_  but if you’re going to be an asshole about things right now, I’ll text Minseok to take me to wherever the fuck he is and sort this shit out myself.” You’re tired and irritated so you feel it’s better to leave but as you stand up to leave the room, Jongin grabs you by your wrist – preventing you from leaving. “Jongin,” the way you say his name sends a chill down his spine and the rational part of his brain knows he should just let go but he continues to hold on tight. “Chanyeol is using his men like pawns, he really doesn’t give a fuck if we kill Sehun; hell, I bet that’s exactly what he  _wants_  us to do. We need to take a different approach if we are going to win this war.” You both glare at each other, chests shallowly rising and falling as you both try to calm yourselves.

“I’m sorry but I’m going to have to ask you both to leave.” A brave nurse enters the room, interrupting the tension by closing Jongdae’s curtains. “The patient needs his rest and visiting hours are over.” Jongin goes to argue with her but you nod, apologising for the disturbance before dragging him from the room and to the car – lips sealed tight in a furious silence.

* * *

The car ride is long and quiet; the air freshener you decided to buy near two days ago seems to strangle your senses with its vanilla and cinnamon scent, the radio station on a quiet hum that you can hardly pick out a tune and houses fly past as Jongin rushes to get you to your destination – home.

A place where he can relax, a place where he can apologise and make it up to you, a place where  _you_  can find sanity in familiar surroundings.

* * *

Strong arms wrap around you from behind and grip you tight as you feel your body instantly relax in the warmth and crisp musk that is Kim Jongin.

“I’m sorry…” His wet hair dampens your cheek as he buries his face into the crook of your neck.

No matter what he said at the hospital, you know he’s scared about the outcome, just like you.

“Do you still love him?” The question takes you by surprise. There is no accusation in his voice, his eyes are sad and your heart tightens while every bad thought you had about him in the past hour or two completely erases itself as you watch him anticipate you answer; his lips pouting slightly while his breath and body shakes.

“No.” You can see him visibly relax as the relief from your one word washes over his handsome golden features and he wraps you tighter in his embrace. “I love you, Nini, only you. We need to remain strong because if we break now, he wins.” Jongin nods, agreeing as he lets you go to answer his phone which has just started ringing – interrupting your tender moment.

You watch him, the strong muscles of his bare back, rippling as he rolls out the tension in his shoulders, his wet brown hair still sending droplets of water down his neck which still sports fading purple marks, his sweatpants reveal the waist band of his black briefs as they sit low on his hips; you can’t help but giggle when you see Jongin not wearing socks as he softly paces around the room.

“That was Minseok.” His voice brings your eyes slowly up, travelling over the rippled taut muscles of his abdomen, to his face which – in your absent admiration – is closer than you expected, eyebrow raised and a slight smirk as he takes note of your body language. “Would you like to know now or?” He wiggles his eyebrows as he crawls onto the bed, causing you to throw a pillow at him.

“What is it?” Jongin clicks his tongue in disappointment.

“Aish, baby. I thought you wanted something else, you  _were_  looking at me with those sexy bedroom eyes.” He swiftly dodges your kick with a laugh that is unique only to Jongin.

This is how you love him, smiling, laughing and teasing and you know you will do anything to keep him like that.

“So what did Minseok want?”

“We found Chanyeol…” You look up in surprise, you weren’t expecting it to be so easy but when you meet the deep brown eyes of your lover, you realise it isn’t. “Or well, he found us.”


	9. Chapter Nine

The world has frozen around you; Jongin stands still in front of you, awaiting your reaction while you stand frozen to the spot with your mouth agape and eyes wide in shock.

Yes, you knew that one day you would have to face him.

Yes, you have been waiting for this day to arrive.

But, you didn’t realise it was going to happen so soon, unexpected and in a way that smelled like a trap.

It’s Park Chanyeol; he has something up his sleeve.

“Y/N?” Jongin waves a hand in front of your face, trying to gain your attention while your brain runs a million miles a second trying to devise a plan A, B – all the way to Z, in case Chanyeol decides to make a move. “Y/N.” Jongin’s voice finally catches your attention.

“Sorry.” You mumble while Jongin sighs, pushing his hair out of his eyes, the muscles in his biceps bulging as he rests his hand on top of his head. “Where is he?”

“At the office; he strolled in like he owned the place and demanded to see me.” Jongin already knows what you’re going to say before you say it; it’s exactly what he would say if the roles were reversed.

“Like fuck he’s going to see  _just_  you, it’s a trap; it has to be.” Jongin nods, placing his hands on your shoulders to try and calm you.

“You’re coming with me. I would never go anywhere without my Queen, she’s the strongest piece on the board, right?” You immediately understand his analogy, he knows you’re planning something and he knows you will make sure his life is safe. He trusts you impeccably, despite the darkness that lies beneath the surface, Jongin knows you well enough to know you are loyal and protective of him – like he is of you.

So you plot and plan, the entire car-ride back to the office, you think of every possible scenario that could play out.

Has Chanyeol brought other men with him? Is he alone? If so, what pre-cautions should you take to make sure your own men are safe?

What does he want? Why show his face now? Is it because Sehun is still alive? Is he going impromptu because you didn’t kill Sehun?

Was that his plan, to make you a killer?

“We’re here.” A soft, low voice pulls you out of your thoughts and brings your attention to the building you’re parked outside of. “Are you ready?” You hum as Jongin exits the car and appears by your door.

You feel your heart racing with every step you take towards the office, your heart beat echoing through your skull and making any other sound hard to hear. Jongin firmly takes your hand in his as you open the door and are greeted with the coldest, most terrifying smile you have ever seen in your life.

“Father, Junmyeon?” Both you and Jongin are shocked to see your father’s seated across from a cross-legged Chanyeol – Sehun’s smug, bruised smile standing behind him. “What is the meaning of this?” They look just as wide-eyed and confused as their children but Chanyeol just chuckles as he watches the scene before him.

“I thought we could have a  _family_  sit down.” Chanyeol says nonchalantly, gesturing for you and Jongin to join the conversation. “I think we should discuss things before anyone does anything rash.” Chanyeol’s eyes sparkle as he looks at you, your jaw set tight and fist clenched while tightly gripping Jongin’s hand.

Time ticks by slowly, Sehun’s bruised face smiling smugly at Jongin who in return shoots daggers and Chanyeol keeps eye contact with you, both refusing to look away and show weakness. Junmyeon and Kyungsoo keep silent, watching, waiting.

Are they planning like you are?

Are they preparing for when Chanyeol makes a move?

Have they realised that the men behind Chanyeol are armed, even Sehun? Are your men?

“Do Kyungsoo, I see why you’re so protective of Y/N; she is just as beautiful as Sehun described.” He smiles at you but it’s not warm, it’s cold and knowing.

He knows what you look like, he saw how upset and broken you were not so long ago when he held you still so you could watch your mother die. He’s baiting you, testing, tempting you to bite.

“I’m sure my daughter appreciates the compliment but you know, Park, that she is already betrothed.” Sehun chuckles, the sound sending shivers down your spine as Chanyeol spies Jongin’s reaction to those words; Jongin’s automatic reaction to hold your hand to help calm yourself – and him because both of you need the reminder to remain calm.

“Ah, yes. I have been informed of the recent events. Congratulations.” As if those words were all he needed to say, the sound of guns clicking fill the room and men surround you; Jongin standing in front with a gun pointed to his head. “But you can’t have a wedding without the groom.” Chanyeol slowly stands up from his seat, maintaining firm eye contact with you as he stops in front of Jongin.

Jongin doesn’t flinch, of course not; he knows never to show weakness.

“You were always going to be his downfall, Y/N.” Chanyeol removes his own gun from the holster and pulls back the hammer, placing it against Jongin’s forehead while not looking at him.

You didn’t plan for this.

You didn’t plan for anyone to die, especially not Jongin…

* * *

_Two Months Later…_

You sit staring out the window, listening, watching the rain hit the glass pane and droplets travel down to the metal sill underneath. Isn’t this day meant to be the happiest day of your life? The rain confirms the dreary thoughts that lie under your numb surface.

Despair.

Desperation.

Loneliness.

Anger.

Why, why couldn’t you have predicted this? Where did you go wrong?

> _“Stop!” You push Jongin out of the way, protecting his body with yours as everyone watches you. Chanyeol smiles, pushing the gun harder against your forehead to the point you can feel the nozzle digging into the soft skin. “I’ll do anything you want, just don’t hurt him.”_
> 
> _“Y/N, no!” These two words are voiced by many in the room, including a stunned Jongin._
> 
> _“There is no way I’m letting you go with this psycho!” Jongin tries to move you away but you hold fast, refusing to look at him as you build every brick wall inside your heart as quick as you can._
> 
> _You have to do this. For him. You will **not**  lose him and you already know that if you stand aside and do nothing, Chanyeol will have you one way or another._
> 
> _“Nini,” your voice breaks and you feel weaker in this moment than you ever have before, “it’s the only way to ensure you survive this.” His grip around your wrist painfully tightens, you can feel his denial as his body starts to shake and you break a little more as another wall solidifies._
> 
> _“Jagi…” You can hear the strain in his voice; his heart is breaking while yours is dying._
> 
> _He has to survive; he has to keep living because that’s the only way you are going to survive this – even if you never see him again._
> 
> _“So, his life for your hand?” Chanyeol doesn’t try to hide his amusement with how quickly you folded, he did think you would put up more of a fight and he had hoped he could have disposed of a constant thorn in his side but who is he to deny a win basically gift-wrapped for his taking?_
> 
> _You glance at Jongin, the pieces of your heart shattering inside the concrete box you have built, his features are dragged down under the weight of reality, his lips in full pout as his eyes begin to water but the tears refuse to spill over. He’s too strong to let them but not strong enough to stop them from forming. You can see him begging, begging you to stay and fight with him but you know there is no way of winning this battle._
> 
> _Maybe you are finally burning out._
> 
> _Maybe you have given up._
> 
> _“Yes, my hand for Jongin’s life; as long as he lives, I will be compliant.” Sehun and Chanyeol share triumphant glances as his men rip you out of Jongin’s grasp, his hand still out-stretched as if he can still grab you._
> 
> _No-one says anything as you are taken from the office but the silence is deafening._

“Are you ready?” Sehun doesn’t knock as he enters the room, his smug smile never leaving his face as he watches your constant downturned face. The life that used to brighten your eyes and smile has long since faded to nothing but a blackened soul and cold heart.

Park Chanyeol made arrangements as soon as he got you inside his luxurious penthouse apartment on the top floor of the Park Finance building.

Arrangements for your wedding.

“Y/N, can you at least try to smile on the day of your wedding?” You scowl at him, the puffiness of your eyes lessening the death glare you give him but Sehun’s smirk doesn’t waver.

“If I wasn’t locked up in this hellhole, I would be throwing myself out the damn window before I marry that fucker.” You spit, venomous words are all you seem to speak since that fateful day.

“Tch,” Sehun clicks his tongue as he forces you to stand, careful not to bruise the skin but rough enough for you to understand you have to move. “Stop acting like a spoilt brat. Things could be worse, you know.” You scoff and roll your eyes, sure that nothing could be worse than being forced to marry someone you despised.

Well, not entirely as you did offer yourself in exchange for Jongin’s life.

Kim Jongin. You feel your heart clenching at the thought of him; there hasn’t been a day that’s gone past that you haven’t thought of him. His smile, the way his eyes crinkles when he laughs, the softness of his caramel skin, how his skin tastes like honey and his lips were like pillows to kiss.

“Let’s go.” A forceful push towards the door is all that it takes to shatter the daydream you tried to hide in. You have tried everything to escape, to get back to your beloved but each time was met with a painful reminder of who you were with and what he could.

> _“Really, Y/N?” A loud slap resonates through the room as the back of Chanyeol’s hand meets the soft skin of your cheek, the force nearly causing you to fall but you hold fast. “Again with trying to run away? You really are a determined woman but I can’t keep having my fiancée trying to run away from me.” Chanyeol takes out his phone, eyes never leaving yours; your green eyes burning with rage while his dark brown eyes crinkle out of frustration. “Maybe, I should destroy your last piece of hope so you behave?” You know he’s talking about Jongin and you feel your blood run cold._
> 
> _“No, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” You raise your hands in defeat, a tactic you learnt quickly calms the burning storm that is Park Chanyeol._
> 
> _He likes controlling the people around him so whenever you show you’re submitting to him; it strokes his ego enough to calm down._
> 
> _Something Jongin taught you to do._
> 
> _“You said that the last five times you tried to leave.” You bow your head, diverting your glare to the floor in hopes it will burn open and you fall through. “You try this again; I won’t even threaten this time.” Chanyeol lifts your chin forcefully to look at him, you want to move away from his touch but you don’t give him the satisfaction. “Next time, I will send Sehun over to grab your precious **Nini**  and kill him in front of you myself.” He roughly lets you go, your head moving to the side slightly from the force and he leaves the room, leaving you to scream your words of frustration as soon as the door closes._

Sehun remains close as you head down the elevator and towards the black, tinted Audi waiting outside.

Waiting to take you to your  _husband_ , the word like poison seeping through your veins as you grumble the entire way down the steps at the front of the building; Sehun opens your door and you ignore the mocking smile he has on his face, knowing Jongin would always open your door for you.

Oh, how you hate him, hate him with every fibre in your aching body.

The car purrs as Sehun starts it and you immediately notice that no-one is in the car with you, that it is just the two of you travelling to the dreaded venue. The venue has been hidden from everyone, even you as Chanyeol is suspicious that Kim Jongin would try to sabotage the wedding, so Sehun is to take you there because he is the only one Chanyeol trusts outside of himself.

“Where are we going?” You feel some life entering your bones as you devise a plan, something to get you out of the wedding.

Even if it kills you.

“Shut up, Y/N.” Sehun doesn’t spare a glance in your direction as he weaves through traffic, heading towards the outskirts of town. “Shit.” You are sure you aren’t meant to hear the slight curse under his breath but you are suddenly hyperaware, noticing exactly what he has spotted in the rear view mirror.

A blacked-out Mercedes peeking out a few cars behind.

A blacked-out Mercedes that looks exactly like the one Jongin bought to replace the one he crashed.

The dull thud in your chest is almost painful as you imagine your beloved coming to rescue you because your heart hasn’t been beating since the day you left his side.

“How the fuck did he find us?” Sehun takes a sharp turn and you watch as the car behind you easily takes the corner. Sehun fishes around in his pocket for his phone but you find your time to strike, energy suddenly pouring into your body at the thought of escape. “Fuck off, Y/N!” The car swerves dangerously as you try to pull the phone out of his hand.

Your brain is plotting faster than you can move, desperate for the freedom that has been thoroughly denied over the last two months.

The handbrake.

You continue to struggle with Sehun, his other hand death-gripping the steering wheel as he tries to avoid oncoming vehicles as you leave the city and head towards the industrial area.

The handbrake.

You keep your eyes on the car following you, making sure they are still in sight but at a safe distance as Sehun desperately tries to manoeuvre the car but the moment he tries to turn another corner, you pull the handbrake.

* * *

Life has been moving at a snail pace for Jongin ever since you left, he worked day and night while sleeping at the office for the few hours he did manage to close his eyes.

You haunted his dreams, haunted may be a harsh way to phrase it but that’s how he felt. He couldn’t touch you, Jongin couldn’t feel your soft brown hair slip through his fingers as he stroked it after making love, he couldn’t see how your cheeks flushed only when he complimented you, he couldn’t hear the sharp remarks you would make when one of the men slacked off on the job.

He missed you terribly and knowing you were soon to be married to Park Chanyeol killed him inside. His entire world was devoid of colours because he saw how miserable you were and couldn’t do anything to protect you.

Minseok is a whiz with computers and with the help of contacts in the Underground; he managed to hack into the security cameras at Park Finance. Jongin witnessed Chanyeol forcing himself onto you, fists clenching every time his hand slipped around your waist and lips lowered to yours; he could see how you shook, your fists balled and body unmoving under his caresses. He heard every word you spat, every threat Chanyeol made if you didn’t comply with his whims which, thankfully, were never sexual but he heard how Chanyeol used Jongin’s life to keep you in line.

The only threat that seemed to work.

He tried beating you into submission, Jongin saw those too and every time his heart broke, tears he swore he wouldn’t shed would slip down his cheeks as he watched you withstand it all alone.

Every slap, every time he wrapped his hands around your throat, every time you were thrown into your room and the door locked behind you.

It took weeks to plan, weeks to formulate a fool-proof plan on how to get you home safe and Jongin stayed awake until his body collapsed from exhaustion to make sure all the pieces were in place.

Today is that day, no longer will he have to watch Chanyeol touch you, hurt you and try to break you. No longer will he have to stand idly behind a computer screen, screaming and taking his anger out on the wall behind his desk.

No, today he is rescuing the only thing that is worth more to him than his family business. His Queen.

You.

As Jongin closed the distance between the car you are riding in and himself, something happened. If time was moving at a snail’s pace before, it came to a complete stand still as your car flips and rolls multiple times while Jongin slams on his own brakes.

What happened?

Jongin exits the car and runs towards the twisted metal frame in front of him, hoping he’s not too late to get to you.

Are you alive?

He can smell the fuel leaking from the vehicle as he closes the distance, immediately prying open the passenger door to find both you and Sehun unconscious.

_Please don’t die._

That is all that he can think as he unbuckles your seatbelt and moves the glass debris from around you, careful not to move you too quickly as he removes you from the destroyed car. Sehun groans, unable to move as his legs are stuck under the steering wheel but Jongin ignores him.

He can die for all Jongin cares.

“Y/N?” Jongin’s voice breaks as he sees the blood seeping through his fingers, there is a gash on the side of your head that has caused your hair to become matted and wet. “Y/N, please say something.” He wants to shake you but he knows he shouldn’t, he’s risked enough just moving you from the car.

Sirens echo around as Jongin frantically pulls his phone out of his breast pocket, dialling Minseok’s number while brushing your hair out of your pale face. The tears refuse to stop as he watches your breathing become slow and inaudible, he can hardly see your chest rising and falling as you continue to bleed out in front of him.

While trying to calm himself enough to get out a coherent sentence, Jongin removes his jacket and applies pressure to the wound; trying his hardest to keep you breathing.

“Is she breathing?” The disembodied voice on the other end of the line start to fade as Jongin sobs, fear taking a hold of his heart as he watches the colour of your skin grow paler. “JONGIN, IS Y/N BREATHING?”

“I-I…” His voice breaks, “I don’t kn-know…” He’s losing you once again.

“Place your hand under her nose, keep her still and if you have to keep her breathing. Jongin, you can do this.” Jongin sniffs as he places the back of his hand against your nose and feels the faint breeze as you exhale; he mutters his goodbyes as he waits.

“Please, hold on, my love.”

* * *

 _“Please, hold on, my love.”_ Everything around you feels strange, like you’re floating without leaving your body.

 _“Please, don’t die.”_ Die? Why is someone talking about death? You can feel something wet on your cheek but the sensation feels wrong and you can’t move to wipe it away. Why is the voice so sad?

 _“Please, don’t leave me.”_ You can feel how heavy your body is, how desperate it is for you to rest. That is all you want to do right now, is sleep.

 _“Stay with me, Y/N.”_ The voice keeps distracting you, the sadness that is so familiar yet foreign and you want to soothe the voice, take away their sadness.

Cold, you feel cold. Cold and tired but there is this constant warmth wrapped around you and it makes it difficult to sleep. Why won’t the voice stop crying?

 _“Jongin!”_ The moment you hear his name, something inside you awakens but you’re too weak to move.

You need to get back to him but the darkness refuses to fade and the cold that has seeped into your core refuses to warm up.

Jongin.

You scream while nothing moves and no sound comes out; you scream his name until stars form behind closed lids and your body collapses into the sleep it desperately needs.

While you continue to scream his name.


	10. Chapter Ten

How long has it been since Jongin saw you smile?

How long has it been since you whispered his nickname in his ear when you try to rouse him from his slumber?

When was the last time you scolded him from overworking?

> _“Nini, I told you to wake up.” The soft caress of your breath causes the hair on his cheeks to stand on end as he snuggles deeper into the blankets. You chuckle, the sound of a thousand angels singing as you brush a lock of unruly hair from his forehead and press your supple lips against his warm skin. “Nini, I love you~” You sing, he smiles._

“Jongin…” A harsh shake of the shoulder pulls Jongin from his dreams and back to the harsh, blinding white room with the sadly familiar beeping and the sickening sterile smell that churns his stomach. “Jongin, we have to make a decision…” The voice is strained as he tries to get a response from his leader, his friend – his friend who refuses to move from his betrothed’s side as you lay in a coma.

“You make it.” Shrugging the hand off his shoulder, Jongin notices his voice is croaky from lack of use; he’s only ever whispered in your ear or spoken to the doctor’s when necessary ever since you arrived.

Six weeks ago.

“That’s not how-”

“I don’t give a fuck about how things go, if I’m the boss then you do as I fucken say, Minseok!” Jongin whips his head around to glare up at his second; his unkempt hair brushing against his forehead, he’s unshaven and near-sleep deprived, all of these factors give his face a crazed expression and Minseok bows his head while muttering his apologies. “You do what needs to be done,” Minseok backs out of the room, “but if you find those two bastards,” Jongin’s dark eyes meet Minseok’s and he growls out his next words, “they are mine.”

It’s been hard on everyone since the accident, Jongin more than anyone else.

> _“No, no, no, no…” He repeats over and over again, blood covering his white button up and smearing across his bronze skin. He keeps you breathing, feeling the faint pulse in your neck as he waits – waits for someone to help. “I just got you back, Y/N. Please, don’t leave me.” His pleas are taken away with the silence, no God to hear his desperate prayers as his body begins to ache, his eyes burning from the tears and his chest ripping itself apart as his heart breaks._

He watched as they rushed you into the operation room while he was held back, Jongin knew that there was nothing he could do but he didn’t want to lose another second.

Not if it was going to be his last with you.

Several broken ribs and massive bruising from the seatbelt, minor to major lacerations all over your body from the broken glass, whiplash and possible damage to several organs including the brain; the doctor’s deemed it necessary to place you into a medical coma until the worse of the injuries were healed otherwise you would remain in intense pain but that wasn’t the biggest blow to Jongin’s already aching heart.

There was a death in that crash – a life lost before it could see the light of day.

> _“Were you aware that your fiancée was pregnant?” Jongin feels the world collapse around him once more, his knees giving out as he falls from Minseok’s grip to the linoleum floor, screaming as he bashes his fist against the solid surface until his fists are covered with his own blood – as well as yours._
> 
> _“Ho-how fa-” The words refuse to leave his quivering lips._
> 
> _“From the size of the foetus, we suspect ten to twelve weeks; unless she was experiencing symptoms then she may have never known herself.” The room is silent aside from the sounds of Jongin’s sobs, the occasional wail as he gives into the grief._

Did you know?

All those days you spent alone, crying, angry and beaten; did you know that you were carrying his child?

Jongin reaches a shaky hand out towards your still body, the doctor due to arrive within the hour to update him on your condition. He’s been praying for days for you to return to him, to smile at him and tell him he looks like a weak fool; he would give anything just to hear your voice once more.

_Knock, knock_

The soft knocking wakes him up; unsure of when he had fallen asleep but noticing the time shows it’s a new day. His sleepy eyes shift from you to Dr Zhang, the doctor assigned to you because of the family making sure you had the best treatment available. The Chinese doctor walks in, glasses perched high on his sharp nose as he musters a small smile to the younger male; Jongin can feel some big news is coming his way but his heart isn’t ready to hear it.

“Ah, Mr. Kim.” Dr Zhang bows before moving to your side, the one opposite Jongin. “How is our patient today?” He checks the monitor beside as Jongin contemplates answering him; was he asking a rhetorical question?

“Her bruising has cleared up and there are hardly any wounds on her body.” The doctor hums in agreeance before clicking his light and lifting your eye lid, checking your pupillary response. “Do you have an idea on when you can bring her out of the coma?” Dr Zhang adjusts his glasses before looking over at the sorry-looking man in front of him.

“We will be taking Y/N for a MRI shortly; if her internal injuries are looking better and her brain functions are normal and she is in no need of further surgery then we will bring her around tomorrow morning.” Jongin’s heart skips a beat at the thought of being able to see your beautiful green eyes again. “But we are unsure on how she will take the news of the miscarriage; it is best to avoid informing her until she has gathered her bearings and recovered fully.” Jongin’s heart is weighted once more with the reminder of the lost child.

He should be happy that he still has you but he feels as if a piece of his soul has vanished.

“Park Chanyeol will pay for this.” He mutters under his breath as the good doctor resumes his examinations, preparing you to be transported. One way or another, Jongin knows he will kill Chanyeol himself.

* * *

Chanyeol is furious, his perfect plan destroyed by the ever meddlesome Kim Jongin; Sehun is now in hospital recovering from his injuries while Chanyeol plots; he plots his revenge against you and your fiancé.

How can he destroy Kim Jongin once and for all?

How can he make sure to break him completely, have him begging for death before putting a bullet between his eyes?

Chanyeol has planned Jongin’s death in great detail and he knows the only way to defeat his enemy is to take away everything he loves and what does Kim Jongin love more than anything in this world?

You.

As much as Chanyeol wanted to win by stealing you away, that plan blew up in his face when you almost killed yourself to escape back to Jongin and if death is something you would face to be with him; Chanyeol will happily grant you that.

For weeks he has prepared everything, gathering every shred of information he can in regards to your location but it is all hidden behind sealed lips; even with his great knack for torture, Chanyeol is unable to learn anything about where Jongin has hidden you away.

He throws the closest item he can get his hands on at his latest failings, he needs to find you, and he needs to find out where you are so he can watch the life drain from your pretty little eyes before he snuffs out the competition.

* * *

Jongin knows he was being harsh on Minseok yesterday; his friend has done nothing but be supportive and kept things running smoothly while Jongin has been unable to lead. He’s still furious that your fathers decided it was time for him to take over  _days_ before your rescue. He wasn’t focused on anything but saving you and he lost sight of what he was raised but Jongin didn’t care, you mean more to him than anything in this world and he will do anything to protect you.

Some hospital personnel come to collect you for the MRI and Jongin remains behind, the longest time he’s been away from you since you went into surgery but he needed to do something, take back control and make a calculated move before Chanyeol did something destructive.

Jongin knows that Chanyeol will never give up.

“Minseok,” Jongin presses the phone closer to his ear when he hears the older male answer the phone, “any news?”

 _“Several men have been captured by Chanyeol’s men and tortured for information; he’s looking for Y/N.”_  Jongin nods, expecting as much from his enemy.  _“What about your end, any news?”_

“Yes, they are checking everything to see if it’s safe to bring her out of the coma.” Minseok sighs in relief on the other end, mimicking Jongin’s reaction to the news. “We need to make sure Chanyeol doesn’t find out about where we are because he  _will_  bring the fight here.”

 _“Yes, Boss. What are your orders?”_ Jongin won’t admit out loud that he enjoys the rush of power he receives when giving commands; the role of a leader ingrained deep within but never going to his head.

“When Y/N is stable, I will be taking her home; make sure security cameras are set up at all entrances and covering the surrounding area. I don’t want to risk him attacking her at home.” Minseok hums in agreeance. “Make sure no-one outside of you and Jongdae know about this, it’s kept her safe so far. Once we are back in Seoul, I will come to the office and we will make a plan of attack and take the fight to him; keep everything low Minseok, I don’t want him to suspect anything.”

 _“Roger, also we have news regarding Oh Sehun.”_ Jongin’s blood boils when he hears the name of the man who started this series of tragic events.  _“He’s in Severance; word is his condition is critical.”_

“Will he be a problem?”

 _“No, sir. He’s suffered major injuries, it’s a wonder he’s alive.”_ Jongin nods his head, trying to figure out a decision but knowing you’ll be awake, he’ll leave that to you.

“Keep an eye on him, Y/N will have the final say on what happens to him.” Jongin sees you being brought back down the hall. “I have to go, keep me updated.”

_“Same to you.”_

Dr Zhang offers Jongin a reassuring smile while you are settled back into place. The nurse has given you a bath while you were out of the room, cleaning you up and Jongin is relieved to see your skin clear, your hair washed and brushed; everything seeming to be ready for when you wake up.

“There are no compromised areas of the brain, her neural activity is responsive and her body has healed enough for her to be able to move without pain. She will need to remain on painkillers until her ribs have fully healed but most, if not all, of her injuries have healed. I still recommend a day or two to gather her bearings before we discharge her. We don’t want to overstimulate her.” Jongin makes sure he listens carefully, almost jumping in his spot at the thought of holding you once more and feeling you hold him back.

“What about- Do I tell her about the baby?” Jongin’s voice fails as he tries to say the words, heart heavy he thinks about your reaction.

“At this time, it is unclear on how she will react to the news; it could send her into shock and grief. We have no idea what she remembers about the accident, if she remembers anything at all; I suggest you wait until she is home to tell her, if that’s what you decide to do.” Dr Zhang bows before leaving the room and Jongin is left with the familiar silence interrupted only by the rhythmic beeping of the machine beside your bed.

“We’ll be home soon, my love.” Jongin takes his seat beside you and strokes your hair and whispers to you. “This will be all over soon and I’ll give you the world, I promise.” He leans over to kiss your forehead, lingering slightly as a tear slides down his cheek. Jongin will never tell you how much he missed you, how much his life slowed because you weren’t there but he will always tell you he loves you.

Until his dying day.

* * *

Everything around you is fuzzy, the noises sound muffled and distant, the smells that invade your nostrils are sickening and makes your stomach churn, the air around you feels thick and heavy on your skin, your mouth is dry and you can’t seem to open your heavy eyelids to erase the never-ending darkness that swirls behind them.

 _Where am I?_  Your first thought as you feel everything at once but also, nothing at all.

The fuzziness in your mind begins to lift like a fog dispersing; the muffled noises begin to sound different from one another instead of white noise, your stomach stops churning from the smells, the air doesn’t suffocate you as much and you feel yourself breathe easier, your mouth unsticks and you roll your tongue a little while your eyelids flutter open before clamping shut at the invasion of bright lights.

“She’s coming to.” A female’s voice screeches in your sensitive ears.

“Give her some room.” A male’s deep voice vibrates in your skull.

Once the fog has cleared, everything seems to work itself out; the voices are closer than before and you can hear beeping of phones and machines, the smells are a mixture of sterile, masculine, minty and a whiff of lilacs, you feel rough cotton around your body and someone’s warmth close by, your mouth no longer dry as you open it and groan while your eyes adjust to the invasion of the blinding white lights above.

“Y/N?” Hearing your name being said by one of the voices causes a flutter in your stomach.

 _Who’s saying my name?_  You try to turn your head but your body doesn’t seem to want to work, every limb feeling like it’s filled with lead.

“Hey, it’s okay, try take things slowly.” The voice seems familiar, a deep bass filled with love and affection as it fills you with a sense of serenity. The warmth from his touch ignites your skin in a delightful way, the feeling filled with nostalgia of dreams that flickered in the darkness.

 _Who is he?_  You try to think of a name but nothing comes to mind, memories seem to fade into dreams and words spoken are lost on the wind that flows through your mind. You close your eyes, inhaling deeply as a hint of cologne fills your senses; you are suddenly surrounded by him. A face flashes behind closed eyes; caramel skin that tastes of milk and honey, soft hair that feels like feathers between your fingers, warm brown eyes filled with the deepest of love, a strong nose that crinkles when touched and pillow-like lips that are shaded the prettiest of pink.

Kim Jongin.

A name that falls so easily from your lips as your mind explodes into a series of colours. Children playing on the swings, running around the expansive backyard while holding hands, sweet words as a young girl cries during a storm, a cute teenage boy picking a friend up after she fell from training too hard, a kiss shared in the safety of a strong, handsome man’s arms, gentle caresses as said man shower’s his lover with more affection than either has ever experienced; blinding colours as your memories catch up to the present.

Fading black as you hear him crying out your name, watching you fade away from him; hearing his struggles to keep you with him.

“Jong-” You cough, smacking your lips to get the saliva around your mouth. “Jongin…” You struggle to move your head towards the warmth on your right and are awarded with the most angelic smile you have ever seen in your life.

“Y/N.” You can see the tears well up in his eyes, brown eyes swimming with mixed emotions. “You came home to me.” You take in his appearance as he buries his face into the hand he holds, sobbing slightly and your heart clenches for the pain he must feel.

Jongin looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks; how long were  _you_  asleep? Days? A few weeks? His hair unkempt and his facial hair unshaven, giving the man in his early twenties a look far beyond his years. You watch him for a little longer before lobbing your head to your left, meeting the soft smile of Dr Yixing Zhang and his nurse.

“Nice to see you with us, Y/N. If you don’t mind, I would like to run a few tests just to make sure everything is alright; are you okay with that?” You grunt, doing your best to nod your head before he leans in close and examining your eyes, he soon checks your reflexes and looks for signs of atrophy. “Before you are released into your fiancé’s care, I would like you to check in with a physiotherapist to help with moving around more freely; but for now I will leave you alone.” He bows and Jongin mutters his thanks in between sobs, refusing to look away from you as if you would fade from his sight if he did.

“Jagiya…” The pet name fills your heart as you look at him, his eyes uncertain. “How-how are you feeling?” You manage to lift the hand he grips tightly to caress his whiskery cheek, he sighs at the touch and presses his cheek deeper into your touch.

“Nini, why have you not been looking after yourself?” He chuckles at that, knowing your first sentence would be to chide him for letting himself waste away. “You look like you haven’t slept in weeks and you’ve lost weight.” You cough, vocal chords still adjusting to the use. “Have you not left my side?” He pouts, avoiding your gaze as he shakes his head; unruly hair falling into his eyes as you lift your hand to brush it aside while clicking your tongue. “Kim Jongin, what am I going to do with you?”

“Marry me.” His words seem out of place in a situation such as this but it doesn’t stop the smile that spreads across your chapped lips.

“How long have I been asleep for you to become so bold?” He bites his lip, tugging on the soft flesh before answering you.

“Y/N, you’ve been out for just over six weeks.”

* * *

Jongin caught you up to speed while you were in the hospital; he made sure never to let it slip about the pregnancy as your pain and anger were already sky high. He knew telling you wouldn’t solve anything, but he hated hiding this from you; thinking that if this never happened, you would be feeling the baby kick with a bump gracing your belly as Jongin and you began settling into the idea of parenthood.

Something Park Chanyeol stole from him, from you.

“Nini?” You call from the doorway; you rub sleep from your eyes as Jongin turns tired ones in your direction, watching as your bare feet drag across the wooden floor into his office. “Baby, why are you not in bed?” Once you reach him, you drape your slim arms over his shoulders and hide your face into the crook of his neck.

“Sorry, I’ve been working and I lost track of time.” He can hear you click your tongue as you press a kiss against his neck. You’ve been home for two weeks and things have nearly returned to normal; Jongin still keeping his secret until you’re at full strength and planning his move against Chanyeol while you train every day to regain the muscle you lost while in the coma and making sure your fiancé eats and sleeps. “Would you like me to come to bed?” He smiles softly as you hum against his skin.

Jongin lifts you while you let out a squeal in surprise before wrapping your arms around his neck; he enjoys being able to hold you once again after months of nothing or only being able to hold your hand. He carries you to the bed you share before placing you gently on the sheets and sliding his body on top of yours, careful of not placing too much weight on you.

“Nini,” you whine, tugging at his shirt to try and bring him closer but he refuses – even if his body calls for your touch. “It’s been weeks, I’m alright now; you don’t have to be so soft with me.” He smiles inwardly at your return to normalcy, the way you hold yourself and present yourself growing stronger every day but his secret keeping him from being able to claim you as his once more.

Your touch grows frustrated, fingers tugging the hem of his shirt so you can feel his taut muscles beneath your soft tips; Jongin sighs at the feeling, he’s missed you in more ways than he imagined possible. He allows you to pull the shirt above his head as he helps you, dropping the white long sleeved shirt beside the bed before you pull him down by his biceps, feeling them shiver at your touch.

“Jongin…” You whisper sweetly in his ear and he has to control himself before he takes you, knowing it’s not right to do so – not until you know the truth.

“Y/N…” The seriousness in his voice causes you to freeze, unsure about what he is going to say. “I haven’t been honest with you…” He pulls away from your reach, his heart tugging at its strings as he looks into your emerald green eyes. “Was there anything off with you before the accident?” You tilt your head, sitting up as you watch Jongin intensely. “Did you notice anything different in those months you were gone?”

“No…” You start, trying to think back on memories you try to repress. “I-I don’t think so…” You look from your fingers to the sad chocolate eyes of the man you love. “Jongin, what happened?” You try to reach for him but he avoids you as he shakes his head, running a shaking hand through his hair before looking straight ahead at a random spot on the floor.

“You were-” He begins, his voice cracking as a tear falls down his cheek; speaking the horrible truth for the first time since he heard himself. “Y/N, you were pregnant.” He hears nothing but the sharp intake of breath and he dares a glance in your direction; finding you frozen with a look of devastation on your face.

* * *

A baby.

Park Chanyeol and Oh Sehun had taken away something precious, someone innocent from you and you felt numb.

Angry.

Jongin tries to touch you at first but he is unsure, after losing a baby, he is scared you don’t want him to comfort you.

And you are unsure if you want him to.

You can feel the tears well up in your eyes, you can feel them slide down your cheek and you can feel a hesitant thumb wipe them away as his comforting warmth and scent surrounds you and he envelops you in his embrace. You can feel his tears fall onto your cheeks as you both weep together; grieving the loss of a child you will never hold.

“I want him to pay.” You say, in between sobs; Jongin nods.

“He will, jagi. We will make him pay for taking our baby away from us.”

“Not just our unborn child but my mother too, I want him to pay for the lives he’s taken in this pursuit for power.” You pull away, watery eyes looking up at his brown, glazed eyes; seeing his pain so evident in his eyes made you realise how much you loved him, how much you missed him and how much you would give to be with him.

Chanyeol will not take him away from you.

Not again.


	11. Chapter Eleven

There are a lot of things that a man never realises about a woman’s wrath and desire for revenge until he goes too far and for you, Park Chanyeol has gone so far over the line, it’s become a blur in the distance.

That’s why you are standing in front of his building, decked out in the most expensive suit Jongdae could find; smiling knowingly as Jongin comes to a stop beside you and kisses your head, arm possessively around your waist as you watch people move through the glass doors, going about their jobs without a care in the world but – you’re here to change that.

“Are you ready?” He whispers, he allowed you to make the plans; Jongin made sure that everything you needed was provided and no-one would dare defy the future king.

The doors open automatically as you stroll through, designer heels clicking along the marble floor towards the reception desk; the small, fake blonde-haired woman stares opened mouth as she recognises you, sparing a glance for your fiancé before addressing you.

“Miss Do, wh-what can I do for you today?” She stutters as Minseok comes to a stop beside her, clicking his tongue as she tries to reach for the silent alarm under the desk. “Would you like me t-to call Mr. Park for you?” She eyes the man standing next to her, Minseok’s dark hair is slicked back like Jongin’s and his eyes give the most bone-chilling stare – having the desire effect on the smaller woman.

“No, thank you.” You smile through the pleasantries; what you wouldn’t give to come in here guns blazing but you know that if you were to prove to Chanyeol – and yourself – that you are not a monster, then doing this without violence was to be the first attempt. “We would like to be escorted to his office, please.”  Your tone carries no room for confidence and with an inclination of Jongin’s head, Minseok grabs the woman and drags her out from behind the desk and towards the elevator.

“But-” The woman tries to struggle against Minseok’s hold but it proves to be futile, “Mr. Park isn’t in right now.” Pushing the button to the elevator, you click your tongue; eyes darkening as you look at the cowering woman.

“Well, we are more than happy to wait until he arrives. Minseok, please  _help_  his lovely secretary call her boss while we await his arrival in his office.” Minseok bows as you enter the elevator, Jongin sticking close and remaining stoic as the doors close and seal your fate.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” His concern is clear as he watches with soft eyes as you grind your teeth, your nerves clear to him as he’s in tune with your body language. You nod, anxiety bubbling up in your chest and you unconsciously place a hand on your stomach; you don’t miss the cringe that flashes across Jongin’s face.

“I’m okay, Nini,” you say as reassuringly as you can, breaking character to snuggle into his chest; his suit is soft against your skin and it smells heavenly – it smells like him, like home. “I was trained to do this, just like you. I have thought of every possible outcome.” The glint returns to your eyes as you move back to stare at the metal elevator doors just as they ding to announce your arrival to the penthouse – your previous prison. “He will pay for everything he’s done.”

Stepping out onto the floor and heading for the office, you regulate your breathing to prevent the anxiety attack that’s starting; you need to keep up the façade until this is over.

You can do this…right?

* * *

Minseok makes sure the receptionist does exactly what she’s told. He doesn’t particularly like threatening the small woman but he’s one of the few who know the truth about what happened with the miscarriage and seeing how Jongin broken at the office desk, completely devastated by the news and how depressed you had become as you tried to pick up the pieces of your heart – again – before you came to acceptance; Minseok told himself he will do anything he could to help you get revenge against the man who destroyed his best friend’s happiness.

“Mr. Park?” The receptionist’s voice is stronger than earlier and he almost smiles, impressed by her timid façade. “You have visitors.” That is all she manages to say before Minseok abruptly ends the call; he can’t risk her alerting Chanyeol.

“Good girl,” Minseok coos coldly, smirking as a shiver runs up her spine which the woman can’t suppress even while she glares up at him. “Now, I’m going to wait here to make sure  _you_  don’t try anything stupid.”

“He’ll kill her.” She speaks so surely of her boss’s abilities. “If he can’t have her, he’ll just kill them both. He doesn’t necessarily need her to get what he wants.”

“That’s the thing, sweetcheeks. Chanyeol fucked up in his pursuit for power; he’s taken a lot from Y/N, if he’s half as smart as he acts then he won’t underestimate a woman who is hell bent on revenge.” Minseok looks towards the computer which shows you and Jongin exiting the elevator.

Kim Minseok has never been a religious man but right now, in the calm before the storm, he prays that you both walk away from this safely; this family has already lost enough – it doesn’t need to lose its future too.

* * *

To say Park Chanyeol is annoyed by the inconvenience that he has visitors would be an understatement, he is furious because he’s been planning ways to destroy the Kim family and instead of focusing on that, he’s having to drive back to Park Finances to deal with someone who has decided to drop in without his knowledge.

Driving like a bat out of hell, he speeds through traffic until he reaches his destination, in such a flustered hurry that he misses the two black SUVs parked out front as he pulls into the basement and beelines for the elevator that will take him straight to the penthouse.

To greet his guests.

Guests that will turn his furious mood into utter rage.

* * *

“Jongin, Chanyeol has entered the elevator; he’s on his way up to you.” The moment Minseok catches movement in the private parking of the basement garage, he calls Jongin to notify him of Chanyeol’s arrival.

Time to move.

Minseok sends a quick text to Jongdae and within seconds, the ground level of Park Finances is stormed by men – Jongin’s men. They were ordered not to harm anyone unless force is necessary because you want this to go smoothly but they are your contingency plan.

If Park Chanyeol forces your hand, you will destroy everything his cold heart loves so much – his name, his business, his life.

Everyone who is on the ground floor is sitting quietly on the floor, even the receptionist who still glares up at him. Put a gun in that woman’s hand and she would probably shoot him so he orders one of the men to keep an eye on her as she appears more capable than she allows herself to seem.

**_[Minseok 1425]_ ** _Everyone’s in position._   
**_[Jongdae 1428]_ ** _Household and office are secured.  
 **[Jongin 1430]** Minseok, keep an eye on cameras and audio. You give the word if things turn south._ ****

On those words, Minseok takes a seat behind the reception desk and gets to work – doing what he does best.

* * *

You sit comfortably in Chanyeol’s large leather chair, looking out at the view from the window. Jongin stands beside you, keeping an eye on the door as he awaits for Minseok’s call. The moment his phone rings, you look up at your fiancé as he gives a curt reply and hangs up; Jongin nods at you and you smile, pressing your fingers together as you imagine Chanyeol’s rage upon finding you and Jongin in his office. You don’t turn around until Chanyeol’s voice resonates through the hallway outside, seeing Jongin standing there beside his chair a clear indication that you are also waiting for him to enter.

“What the fuck!” You swirl around, chuckling slightly at the comical reversal of this scene. “What are you doing here?”

Shouldn’t it be Chanyeol, the bad guy, swirling around with a cat upon his knee?

“Don’t make me repeat myself, Y/N?” Jongin growls, fists clenching at the tone Chanyeol uses; the one he would use to make you submit to him while he kept you captive here. “What are you fucken doing here?” You don’t flinch; your face unmoving as his begins to contort with rage.

“I’m here to discuss business.” You extend a hand towards the seat across the desk from you. “Please sit, Mr. Chanyeol.” As expected, Chanyeol refuses.

“Like fuck I’m going to take orders from you in  _my_  office.” You would smile, if this situation wasn’t as delicate as it was. Park Chanyeol, the man so sadistic he enjoys tormenting his victims before finally putting them out of their misery in a slow, painful way, is unravelling because this is a spanner in his works.

A halt to his current plan.

“There are two ways this can go, Chanyeol.” You place the tip of your index fingers under your chin, leaning forward slightly. “You can either co-operate or,” you give him a smirk so devoid of emotion that you truly look like a monster, “Kim Jongin will do the world a favour and get rid of you.” Chanyeol can’t help but laugh at this, his eyes blowing wide as his laugh turns in the direction of deranged.

“Him?” Chanyeol points at Jongin, who has remained quiet throughout, before running a hand through his jet black hair – trying to calm his laughter but it only grows louder. “Oh, this is too good.” You wait; you lean back in the chair and cross your legs as you wait for his maniacal laugh to cease. “ _This_ ,” he waves his hand in your direction, “is how you expect to intimidate me into a surrender? Your family is weaker than I thought.” You narrow your eyes and a low hum of annoyance rumbles through Jongin as he shifts closer to you. “I took away your mother, Y/N. How long have you antagonised over killing me? Yet, you want to do business?”

“You misunderstand, Chanyeol.” You watch him carefully, his body language similar to a bulldog getting back into a corner, baring its teeth. “You are only the  _heir_  to this empire; you are only the face to what goes on here.” You stand up from the seat, moving to the front of the desk and leaning against it, ass resting against the mahogany with your palms resting upon it; Jongin makes sure he stays close to your side.

“What did you do?” Chanyeol tries to come into the offensive, stepping forward as he spits out his words but is stopped short by Jongin’s hand; well, the gun in Jongin’s hand. “What the  _fuck_  did you pull, Y/N?” Tilting your head to the side, you smile.

“You took away so much from me, your intention was to turn me into a monster – into you.” Your voice is low, cold and full of bitterness that accompanied with the fire that burns behind your eyes, Chanyeol feels a bead of sweat slide down the side of his temple. “You wanted me to suffer, I suffered. You wanted me to feel every negative emotion possible, I felt them all for you; I hate you, I despise you and I want to watch you suffer like I suffered.”

“Then kill me yourself, do it!” He yells, frustrated with how your prolonging the inevitable.

“Ahh,” you wag a finger, “you did everything in your power to make me like you and you nearly succeeded.” You look at Jongin, his normally soft brown eyes are cold and trained on Chanyeol, finger on the trigger – waiting for Chanyeol to make the wrong move. “You played this like a game of chess, sacrificing your pawns, taking my Queen and you almost won by trying to take out my King.” You look back at Chanyeol, his eyes are wild, frantic as he tries to figure out the meaning of my words. “Forcing me to sacrifice my King, me choosing to forfeit to save his life was your checkmate and you would have won if you didn’t forget one important detail.”

“She’s my Queen and I’m her Knight.” Jongin’s deep voice resonates through the eerily quiet room. “You, you sick fuck, weren’t playing with just one family, you were playing with two.”

You had once compared Sehun and Jongin as two sides of the same coin but maybe you were wrong, maybe you and Chanyeol are; you and Chanyeol have the same destructive potential, the same darkness inside that waits to be released but there is one thing that makes you different enough to keep you from becoming the monster Chanyeol is.

Kim Jongin.

He’s the reason you never travelled down the path you so desperately wanted to escape to, he’s the reason you planned a way to take away everything Chanyeol holds dear without losing a life – he’s the reason you are still alive.

* * *

**_[Minseok 1500]_ ** _We need to move, it’s now or this shit is going to get violent._

The moment Jongdae receives the message, he indicates for the men under his command to bring the man inside the house out and to get ready to move towards their final destination – Park Finances.

* * *

_Ring, ring_

While the two testosterone-fuelled men are glaring at each other, one pressing a gun against the other’s chest, Jongin’s phone rings – effectively distracting them enough to distil any further provocation.

You nod curtly at the camera in the corner of the room, thanking Minseok for his quick intervention.

“He’s on his way.” Jongin speaks, eyes remaining firmly on the enemy as he speaks softly at you. You shouldn’t feel such love and admiration in such a delicate situation but watching Jongin behave like this caused you to believe in yourself, if he could keep his emotions – mostly – in check then you could pull this off without killing anyone.

* * *

When the car stops in front of the building, Jongdae exits and rounds the car, opening the rear door to allow his ‘passenger’ to exit before leading him up the concrete steps and inside the building. Minseok greets them at the front, showing the same amount of respect as he would any head of any family.

Park Jiwon is the official head of the Park family.

Park Chanyeol’s grandfather.

* * *

“Taking your life would have no major effect, you don’t care about human life; not even your own, really.” You keep your eyes on Chanyeol while Jongin watches the door, awaiting the guest of honour. “You would happily give your life up if it meant that I killed you because if I killed you, if you died by any hand I played, that would mean you won because ultimately, this is nothing but a game to you.”

A soft grunt from Jongin indicates that he’s walking down the hallway, towards the office.

“You played everything like a game of chess, things based around strategy and how each piece would be moved but this is war,” the man you are waiting on, stands in front of the door, “people have died, lives have been lost and today,” the door opens, “today, that all ends.”

* * *

Chanyeol turns to face the man who enters the room, fear flashing quickly across his features – features you would have deemed as handsome if he wasn’t such a psychopath. The old man shares similar features to his grandson but his face hold none of the hate, years of discipline that Chanyeol obviously lacked allowed this man to resolve any situation peacefully.

“Aish,” his soft voice hardens as he sees his grandson, “you are forever creating thorns in this family’s side, boy.”

“Why haven’t you died already?” Chanyeol begins to shake with rage, but the moment he speaks out of disrespect, a swift hand slaps him across the cheek.

“And leave this family in the hands of a deranged psychopath like yourself?” Jiwon scoffs, amused by his grandson’s way of thinking. “Your father disgraced this family’s good name enough; I will not give you the pleasure of doing so any more.”

“Mr. Park,” you immediately step forward, bowing politely to get this meeting over and done with before Chanyeol turns on his own flesh and blood. “Thank you for coming today.”

“Well,” Jiwon inclines his head and sits down, groaning as he does so. “You didn’t leave much of a choice.” He eyes Jongin, watching with an observant eye at how he remains close to you. “Are you two married?” His sudden question nearly throws you off your game but you just shake your head gently and smile.

“Engaged,” with soft, loving eyes you look over at your handsome fiancé who returns the smile in return. “But to business, please.”

The proposal is simple: Kim Enterprises will take over Park Finances and all of their holdings. Everything that Park Finances owns will become part of Kim Enterprises and the Park family will no longer have control over it. If Park Jiwon agrees to this, Park Chanyeol loses everything; his power, his name and most of all, his means to take over.

“You drive a hard bargain, Miss. Do. Something I’m sure your mother taught you because that woman was a dime a dozen.” Your heart clenches at the way Jiwon speaks so fondly of your mother. “I’m sorry about what happened to her, your family didn’t deserve that.” He sighs, eyes flitting in disdain towards his grandson, “I will accept.”

“You old fuck!” Chanyeol jumps towards his grandfather but Jongin is quicker, grabbing Chanyeol by the arm and slamming him into the wall; keeping him pinned there while he screams obscenities at the top of his lungs, screaming about how he’ll kill everyone here before one of Jongin’s men enters the room to remove him forcefully from the building.

* * *

It’s a silent takeover and while most of the men under the Park family’s command accept it silently, some do not. These men follow their deranged leader out of town, Chanyeol swears he’ll be back to exact his revenge but thanks to the co-operation from Park Jiwon, he’s got nothing to come back to if he does.

Oh Sehun disappeared from the hospital he was admitted to the next day; you have men out looking for his location because he’s a wild card, someone who has nothing to lose no matter what he does and he’s just as vindictive as Chanyeol – if not worse.

It’s been weeks since everything was completed and things have been silent, the war is finally over and you can start healing the wounds it left behind. You have no idea what the future has in store for you or if Chanyeol and Sehun will come back to try destroy your happiness but all you know is that right now, in this very moment, with your gentle, loving, caramel skinned fiancé by your side – you can take on the world.

Or at least handle the wedding planning.

Right?


	12. Chapter Twelve (Final)

Church bells ring while the sun shines above the chapel; it’s as if the heavens have blessed you with the perfect day while you walk down the aisle; smile shining bright as you try to calm your hammering heart.

It’s finally your wedding day.

You take in the many families that have gathered to witness the union of the two greatest families in Seoul while you watch your best friend stand at the front, the tuxedo hugging his perfectly toned body as his eyes brim with unshed tears; never have you looked more beautiful than you do right now.

A mermaid style dress fits your body closely with a delicate veil covering the top half of your face, showing your bright pink lips pulled into a wide smile. The bouquet of flowers clasped in your hands is of irises – your mother’s favourite flower; Kyungsoo grips your elbow softly as he walks you down to your husband to be, muttering how he wishes she was here to see this.

“She’s here, Father.” You say quietly when he turns to face you, his eyes full of pride as he looks down at you. His daughter who has faced many hardships and overcome them all because she carries her mother’s heart, his daughter who makes him proud to be her father, his little girl who is now a grown woman about to marry a man who he is honoured to consider his son in law. “That’s why the birds are singing and the sun is shining, Mother has made today special for us all.” Kyungsoo squeezes your slightly shaking hands as he kisses your cheeks before he turns to Jongin.

“Take care of each other.” Jongin nods fervently, his soft brown locks styled out of his face managing to bounce along due to the intensity of his movement. Kyungsoo gives you one last smile before taking his seat beside Junmyeon, who is looking as proud as your father.

“Hello,” Jongin whispers, enveloping your hands with his larger ones, covering you in their warmth. “I’ve missed you.” You giggle, following him to stand in front of the minister.

“Nini, it’s been two days.” His lips push out in his signature pout as you smile. “I missed you too.” Before either of you can say anything else, the minister clears his throat to begin the ceremony.

“We are gathered here today to witness the union of these two families, the bringing together of Kim Jongin and Do Y/N.” You don’t look anywhere but into the warm brown eyes that hold your gaze, the eyes you wake up to every morning and adore every second; the world seems to drown in white noise as you focus on him completely and Jongin’s eyes shine with a love so intense you can feel it rushing through his body as he tries to keep still.

He wants to take you in his arms, he wants to feel your heartbeat against his chest as he holds you tight, and he wants to cherish every inch of your soft skin while he whispers how beautiful you are to him.

It takes every ounce of self-control he has to stop him from kissing you before he’s meant to. To think, a month ago he was guarding you in Park Chanyeol’s office while you brokered the deal with his grandfather – the definition of control; now he’s like a child at Christmas having to wait before he can open his presents.

You just smile at him, watching every twitch of his nose and quirk of his lips as he restrains himself; you love that he can be a strong and dominant man one second and a soft, precious heart the next. The duality he was born with does everything to melt your heart every time it starts to freeze over.

“I do,” you say when your ears prick up at the mention of your name, reminding you of where you are at the right moment.

“I now pronounce you, husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.” There is an explosion of noise the moment Jongin’s soft lips press against yours, his arms circling you as he pulls you tight against him and you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer. Your heart pounds against your chest as he tilts his head slightly, deepening the kiss and seeking entrance with the slight probing of his tongue. You oblige and his tongue touches yours softly, teasing you slightly before he pulls away and it’s your turn to pout.

Until you remember where you are.

People surround you, pulling you into hugs and repeating the words ‘ _congratulations_ ’ over and over until a warm hands takes yours and you are pulled from the throng of people and out into the blinding sunlight.

“Shall we go, Mrs. Kim?” He whispers in your ear, naughtily nipping the lobe before pulling back to smile at you with a warm grin; he steps down to the step lower and you see the blacked out limo waiting behind him. “We have a flight to catch after all.” You can’t help but giggle, excited because even though you planned the entire wedding together – this is the one thing he didn’t let you do.

His sisters planned it and neither of you knew where you were heading outside of the fact that you had to fly there.

* * *

Jongin doesn’t know if life will ever be this perfect, watching you sleep on the airplane as you curl into his body with the most peaceful expression resting on your face. Life won’t be easy, he wishes it could be, he could protect you from the world but he knows you are too stubborn to allow him to do so.

Jongin brushes a tuft of hair from your forehead, tucking it behind your ear as you hum and turn your face into his touch and he smiles before presses a kiss on top of your crown.

“I love you, my precious wife.” His heart races as he says those words, how long has he been waiting for those words to be true? Months or years?

“I love you too, kind husband.” You mutter sleepily, eyes straining to open to look up at his chiselled features. He looks tired and you wonder why he’s not sleeping. “Why are you not sleeping?” You pout, only to have him snuggle you closer into his body.

“I was too busy watching you sleep.” You scoff, accepting his warmth as you stretch across his lap instead of being curled into his side.

“Sleep, Nini. You’ll need your energy.” You try to sound sexy but the yawn that escapes halfway through takes the innuendo away so instead you decide to lift his dress shirt up slightly and kiss just below his belly button; enjoying the growl that emits from his chest. “Maybe on the trip home we could join the mile high club?” He smiles at your suggestion, humming as you press your lips against his skin once more before allowing the sleep he’s been fighting for the past few hours to seep into his bones and take over.

* * *

Snow.

The white that surrounds you is quiet and blissfully soft, the house sitting in the middle of all the snow has smoke rising from the chimney that welcomes you to come inside. Jongin nudges you towards the house, indicating he’ll get your luggage while you check out the house.

You are cautious, eyes scanning everywhere as you trudge through the snow and up the clear path; this would be the perfect place for an ambush and even though you know it’s silly, instincts don’t stop you from keeping your eyes open.

The outside of the house is like one you would see in a movie; lumber on the outside for a rustic feel while the inside is modern and cosy. The kitchen is equipped with everything you would need and the cupboards are fully stocked; you notice that a lot of the ingredients are the same as the ones you would need to make Jongin’s favourite dish – fried chicken.

“Those sisters of his…” you mutter under your breath as you search the rest of the house, checking every nook and cranny as if Chanyeol or Sehun would be hiding here.

The bathroom is huge, a large bath in the floor with a view of the landscape and a shower taking up a large portion of the corner and while you stare in amazement, a pair of hands snake around your waist while a pair of soft, plump lips kiss your neck.

“This could be fun.” Jongin chuckles into your skin as you shiver with excitement at his words. “Have you seen the bedroom?” You shake your head, he knows you’ve been looking for signs of trouble and his heart tugs slightly at that thought. “Y/N, you don’t have to worry, no-one is going to find us here.”

“I know but-” He cuts you off, lips silencing your next words while he lifts you with strong arms and carries you towards the bedroom.

“But nothing,” you shiver at the roughness in his voice, “you will do as you’re told, you understand?” He places you gently on the bed and looks down at you, his hair in disarray from the long flight and drive here, dress shirt wrinkled with the top three buttons undone while his hands remain on your body. “We are not here to strike a deal; we have no-one after us. Jagi, we are out of danger, we are here to celebrate us and like fuck am I going to let anything stop me from having my way with you in every room in this house.” He growls out the last part and you see his dominant side, the side of him that makes your toes curl and sends shudders to your core.

“Yes,  _oppa_.” You watch his eyes darken as your wrap your legs around his waist and pull him closer to you. “I’ll be a good girl and do as I’m told.” You play the submissive act, knowing he loves it when you bend to him and you do so willingly but he relinquishes control as well.

The constant push and pull of power is what keeps it interesting for you.

Never knowing when he’s going to bend you over his knee or when you’ll tie his hands to the headboard and take away his ability to touch you; it’s not always like that but when he gets like this, the need to exert control to keep you in line, all because he wants you to relax, it sends just as much tingles down your spine as it does when he’s being soft and sweet.

“Good,” his lips capture yours and you tangle your fingers into his hair, tugging lightly at the locks while he kisses you with a passion that begins to consume you. “Let’s go wash up.”

* * *

You sink deeper into the tub, feeling the warmth seep into your skin as you watch Jongin peel off his clothes with a gentle pink blush on his sun-kissed cheeks from the intensity of your stare. You can’t help it, you’ve seen him naked more times than you can now count but every single time takes your breath away and even though you have both gone through Hell to get to this moment – you wouldn’t change anything. You don’t like to think about the lives you lost, you don’t want to think how you nearly lost him not once but twice but you do know that you would do it all over again because one moment could change this and this, this is worth it all.

 _Kim Jongin_  is worth it all.

“Jagiya,” Jongin whines as he pulls you out of your thoughts, pulling your body against his so his legs wrap around you and you sit in between them. “What are you thinking about?” He kisses your neck, smiling as you crane it slightly to allow him more access; his fingers trail along your arms until they intertwine with your own while his lips taste your skin.

“About how I wouldn’t change this for the world,” his lips pause just below your ear, “about how happy I am that I am here, in this cabin in the snow, with you.” His sigh is right next to your ear and you shift slightly at the sensation which only causes him to tighten his hold.

“Relax,” he whispers, his husky voice seducing you to obey, “let me take care of you.” His fingers now skim across the bubbly water and you watch, entranced; they dive into the water and trace along your ribcage before his thumbs press into the muscles of your shoulders.

Oh, he’s kept this talent a secret; one you’ve always wondered about but never asked because Kim Jongin is good with his hands –  _very good_.

You feel your body betray your enjoyment of the massage he’s giving you as your body moulds into his and you hum; having to use the slightest bit of control to keep yourself from completely sinking into the steamy hot water. His hands move from your shoulders to the back of your neck, Jongin comments softly about how tense you feel but you hardly hear the deep vibration of his voice as you begin to completely focus on the way his fingers work magic into your skin.

Soon, Jongin moves them down your torso until he grasps your breasts; you can’t help the moan that escapes your lips as he massages them, palms pressed against your erect nipples while he squeezes them softly.

One hand travels lower while he presses his lips against your flushed skin, gentle kisses matching the slow rhythm he sets when his hand reaches its destination and presses firmly against your extremely sensitive nub. The way Jongin made your body relax caused your sensitivity to his touch to sky rocket and between his intoxicating lips and expert hands; he has you an unashamedly moaning mess within a matter of minutes.

“Jo-Jongin…” You moan as he dips a finger inside you, curling to brush against your sweet spot. “Please…” Your hands curl around his neck as your hips move to gain more friction. “I want…” A gasp as he pinches a nipple. “I need you…” You breathe out and you almost regret those words as his hands are off you and the sloshing of water indicates that he’s left you with an aching need and racing heart.

You whirl your head, glaring in his direction as he smirks; raising an eyebrow in challenge as he wraps a towel around his growing erection and exits the bathroom.

“Fucken tease.” You huff as you follow, not bothering with a towel as you search for him through the house. Faint humming draws you downstairs and a smirking, naked Jongin rests on the sheepskin rug in front of the roaring fire.

The way the firelight catches his beautifully golden skin gives him an ethereal glow, perfecting the flaws in his skin, highlighting the dips and curves in his muscles and catching the lighter browns in his damp locks; match that with the lustful biting of his lips as he takes in your own nakedness and the desire that darkens his brown eyes and you find your heart is beating out of your chest because you are in love with a man who defines perfection.

Even on his worse day, your Nini, Kim Jongin is perfection in your eyes and you are a Goddess in his.

You will never see yourself the way he sees you, a woman who will face the world for her family, a woman who lightens his darkest days and as you walk towards him, water dripping off your skin and a naughty smile resting on your lips, Jongin finds himself falling deeper in love with you.

“That’s not nice,” you scold him, straddling his hips, “how would you feel if I left you hanging like that, my love?” Jongin chuckles, his chest rising and falling quickly while his heart quickens at your tone.

“You do, Jagiya.” He places his hands on your hips and you begin to rock against his throbbing member. “Not quite a week ago, you were teasing me while we were with our families for dinner.” You gasp as he raises his hips slightly to apply more pressure to your core; Jongin smiles wickedly. “You seem to enjoy testing my self-control, Jagiya.”

You yelp when he flips you over, admiring the way the fire lightens your features; a woman with a burning flame inside her soul enhanced by the element itself. He presses sweet kisses on your lips while settling between your legs and whispers his love for you; sweet, intoxicating whispers that have you drunk off his lips and words.

“Jongin…” You sigh his name when he attaches his lips to the sweet spot on your neck, there is nowhere on your body that Jongin doesn’t know; he knows your body as intimately as he knows his own and Jongin knows exactly where to touch and kiss to get you worked up.

He takes his time, slow and torturous but filled with love as he traces your body with the tips of his fingers and suckles on the junction of your neck and shoulder; a dark mark starts to blossom and before he moves on, he admires it with a cheeky smile.

“A mark to remember this night by,” he places a kiss on it before carrying on kissing down your body, licking and sucking lightly on various parts as your body responds accordingly. Slight shivers here, gasps and moans there; it doesn’t take long before you are dripping and Jongin is lapping at your arousal, his own moans at how sweet you taste mixing into the night with your moans of his name.

Licking his lips, Jongin moves back up your body but this time, your fingers trace his body; he keeps himself away from you as you trace his strong chest and rippled abdomen for what seems like the millionth time but always makes him feel like it’s the first.

“You are perfection, Mr. Kim.” You comment, one finger resting on the mole that blemishes his stomach while he watches you with a soft gaze; when he looks at you like this, it makes you feel more naked than when he looks at you with lust in his eyes.

“And you are a Goddess, Mrs. Kim.” Jongin aligns himself with your entrance, looking deep into your eyes as he enters you; watching the change in your expression, listening to the sigh that escapes your bruised lips and feeling the way your hands curl around his neck, pulling him closer as he allows you to adjust. “I love you.” He whispers against your lips before setting a slow pace.

The pace he sets is torturous, it’s pleasurable but also constant; you feel him completely, every twitch his cock makes, the girth stretching you when he enters and the way you feel empty when he slides out only to leave the tip inside. He’s teasing you, knowing how you enjoy having him fuck you into the mattress; he wants to make you beg for it – for him.

“Ni-Nini.” You whimper when you start to feel your core heating up but nothing progressing due to his fascination with watching himself glisten with your stickiness every time he pulls out. You clench around him when he slides back in, digging your nails into his biceps to gain his attention. “Nini, please…” The pleading in your tone makes him smirk; the firelight dancing across his cheekbones and making his eyes look iridescent.

“Please what?” He thrusts slightly harder and you gasp at the sudden change before he resorts back to the previous speed.

“I need-” He thrusts harder again, “I need you to go-” You try to encourage him by meeting his thrusts, “Fuck!” You become frustrated, pulling him down into a kiss while you manoeuvre your bodies so he’s now on his back once more. You settle back on him, hearing him groan as you take him all in; his eyes flutter close at the feeling and he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth as you begin moving, teasing him with the same infuriating pace he set.

It doesn’t take long before you increase, your round ass beginning to bounce as you rest your hands on Jongin’s strong chest to support yourself while his hands grip your waist, fingers tightly holding the soft flesh and part of you wonders if it’ll bruise. Jongin thrusts his hips to meet you and his moans begin to mix with yours as he loses himself to the way you feel around him.

Jongin surprises you by sitting up, adjusting both of your positions by crossing his legs and pulling you close to him which causes you to wrap your arms around his neck and the both of you pause for a second; breathing heavily while looking closely at each other.

He begins to rock slowly and you begin to do the same, lips connecting and fuelling the intimacy you begin to feel while in this position; the closeness you feel as you hug each other tightly, grinding against the other and moaning into the kiss as you try to connect yourselves further than what you already are. Every time his muscles twitch, every breath he takes, you feel it; you feel him as if his body was your own and you wonder with the smallest part of your mind, if this is how being truly and deeply in love with someone feels – like their soul is a part of your own.

The orgasm rolls through you, the intensity different from every other time Jongin has fucked you because this wasn’t him fucking you into the mattress – this was him making pure and soulful love to you. You shake in his arms; Jongin holds you closely as you spasm around him and bring him to his own climax.

That’s how it ends, with the two of you clutching each other tightly while you orgasm and he gently lies you down in front of fire once more while lying next to you as you try to catch your breath and calm the racing muscle inside your chest.

“That was-” You try to say, puffing out the words as you gulp.

“Incredible.” He finishes your sentence, his breathing matching your own as he turns his head to look at you; his eyes tired but his smile wide as he watches you mirror how he feels. Your hair wild around your face as your naked body shines with sweat; when you finally manage to compose yourself, you curl into him, appreciating the warmth he provides along with the fire as your body starts to feel tired and cold. “I love you, Y/N. I know I say it a lot but…” You look up at him and watch the struggle on his face as he tries to express his feelings with the right words. “I have always loved you, for as long as I can remember. I just want you to know I’ll give you the world; you’re my wife now and I’ll never let anything bad happen to you again.” He pulls you closer for a hug and you inhale his musk; tainted by the scent of sex and sweat but Jongin nonetheless.

“You can’t promise something like that, Nini.” You kiss the pout that sets on his lips. “But I know. I know you’ll do anything to protect this family; that’s what I want us to be, a family.” His eyes widen at your words and you shake your head to indicate that you are  _not_ pregnant. “I’m ready though, if we do have another child, I’m ready.”

“When,” Jongin corrects and you nod, “when we have another child, we will really be a family.” You giggle as his tone lightens and he squeezes you tightly.

A child with your best friend, a child who’s lips are as plush as his and who’s smile turns their eyes into little half-moons; a child who will become the heir to the strongest mafia family in all of Asia.

You look up at the man you married and feel your heart growing lighter by the second. Who knows what the future will bring for you and Jongin but what you do know is that no matter what, you will continue to love and support each other until you take your final breath. From the moment you opened your eyes to the day you close them – you will love Kim Jongin, your Nini, your best friend; your husband.


End file.
